Ever have an affair????????????????

by jurs 88 Replies latest jw friends

  • JT
    Jurs.......... I watch a lot of movies,,,,, and I know this sounds corney and all, but getting away to that moutain cabin ALL BY YOURSELF , might be just what your soul needs right now. I am sure the idea of the affair and all is still on your mind, but you sound like you need to give some time for YOURSELF

    THIS IS why i love this NET "THANG" the advice is clear and from the heart and so excellent

    when we were in wt we could never get such honest and sincere advice- it was always in the context of "How will it make the organization look: here the concern is for the person mental and physical health- the possible emotion drain and the issue of STD-

    the advice above is the Key, one must take care of "SELF FIRST" THE WT always told us that was selfish and not self sacrificing

    i saw my own mom give up her life in hopes of saving the marrige and that one day my dad COULD BE OWN WITHOUT A WORD

    and now at 60 they finally divorce, she should have left my dad, 30yrs ago and i get along great with my dad, but they were not made for each other and so they lived together and suffered , gave up on thier personal dreams, etc for the sake of the kids- BAD DECISION

  • ThiChi


    Is the mountian area Big Bear, CA? If so, let me know, I have some great friends who live up there and would be helpful to you!

  • TresHappy

    OK guys: I need help with this one. This is something told directly to me. I will try to get the facts as straight as possible.

    One of my good friends whom I have known for many years has been talking to a guy on the Internet for a couple of years. Back and forth simple correspondence, both having a mutal interest in something. Recently he started flirting with her and she absolutely fell for it. She told me they ended up doing the cyber thing (by what she described, several times recently.) Yesterday, she calls me and says "he won't answer my emails, I can't find him on the Internet"...(that Instant Messenger stuff). She doesn't understand very much about the Internet. I told her he probably put your screen name on block, he's deleting your emails and he's probably feeling guilty about what he did. She's very upset, thinking she's being rejected. I told her to forget about everything he said, and to delete his email from her list and to delete his screen identifier from her buddy list and not to contact him anymore. One big thing I told her, "Do not contact him by phone or anything else." He will start thinking you're cyber stalking him.

    Did I do the right thing guys?

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee



  • jurs

    Thi Chi,

    I DON'T live in California, I live in Colorado. Our cabin is near Grand Lake. The cabin is not very nice but its in a wonderful location. its in the mountains, within walking distance to one lake but has 2 other lakes nearby. Lots of pine trees, a ski resort close by, golf course and snowmobile trails. Its wonderful!!! A small tourist town is a few miles away. It will probably be hard to find a job there. Its a tourist area but there are some other small towns where I might be able to find something. I would love to live there.

    I have to figure out what my finances are going to be. I sure appreciate all the responses and confessions. I need to leave. People get divorced all the time. I need to stop being so whimpy and scared and just leave!!!


  • El Kabong
    El Kabong

    Jimi Hendrix wrote a song called 51st Anniversary. IMO one of Hendrix best work. It shows both the good times and bad times in a relationship. Things get better as time rolls along.

    As the song says, If you get another lover, It will just turn out to be "the same ol' thing"

    51st Anniversary - Jimi Hendrix

    Ah fifty years they've been married,
    They can't wait for the fifty first to roll around,
    Yeah, roll around,

    Ah thirty years they've been married,
    And now they're old and happy and they've settle down,
    Yeah, settle down,

    Twenty years they've been married,
    And they did eveything that could be done,
    You know they're having fun.

    And then you came along and talk about,
    So you, you say you wanna be married,
    I'm gonna change your mind!
    Ow, got to change,

    That was the good side baby, here comes the bad side...

    Ten years they've been married,
    A thousand kids run around hungry,
    'Cos their momma's a louse,
    Daddy's down at the whiskey house,

    That ain't all!
    Three years they've been married,
    They don't get along so good,
    They're tired of each other,
    You know how that goes,
    She got another lover,
    Huh, same old thing.

    So now you're seventeen,
    Runnin' round, hangin' out and ah, havin' your fun,
    Life for you has just begun, baby!

    And then you come saying,
    So you, you say you wanna be married,
    Oh baby, trying to put me on a chain,
    Ain't that some shame,
    You must be losing your...shhh--mmm...sweet little mind!
    I ain't ready yet, baby,
    I ain't ready.
    I'm gonna change your mind!
    Wooh! Look out baby!
    Ow! I ain't ready to get tied down!
    I ain't ready, I ain't ready now!
    Let me live a little while longer!
    Let me give! Let me live a little while longer!
    So if you've finished talking, let me get back into my...groove...shhh--mmm

  • asleif_dufansdottir

    ""monogamy thing is a load of rubbish, its contrary to male nature""

    Big deal, it's just as contrary to female nature, too, if anthropological research is to be believed.

    Dump the crummy husband first, then go out looking for other people to have sex with.

  • BeautifulGarbage

    I'm completely blown away, and deeply touched, by the heartfelt honesty of this thread.


    I will not comment on the affair aspect of your post. I have not had an affair, and my marriage is happy.

    Seems to me that you absolutely want to leave your husband, but that money is the issue that keeps you there. So, I have a question for you. Have you ever lived on your own? I mean, completely? That means you picked the place and paid all of the bills. The reasons I asked this that though "money" can appear to the issue, it sometimes can be the prospect of living alone and being completely responsible for one's own life that is the real reason. It can be so damn frightening. Yet, after the initial fear, the feeling of accomplishment and freedom is exhilarating. The fear in taking that first step is overwhelming, but millions of women have done it, and have been successful.

    After 22 years of a miserable, disastrous marriage, my Mother decided to divorce my Dad. Money was the primary reason she stayed all those years. Plus, she had never been on her own. She married my Dad at 14 (Yes, at the KH). I know she was terribly afraid of the possibility of alone, penniless, and being on the streets. Dad was a spendthrift and they owed tons of money and had no assets. It was really tough, financially, those first few years, especially with two kids, but I know she would never have traded them with being back with my Dad. She had freedom for the first time in her life. That was over twenty years ago and she is remarried and very happy.

    Plus, how are your children coping all of this? Is there a lot of stress and trauma that goes on in your house? This can really be difficult for kids. I know, it took me and my siblings years to come to terms with the damage that was done to us. Though, your leaving will be stressful too. In the end, which one would be better for your kids?

    I would leave the married man alone. Living separate lives is also an option. Just as long as hubby understands you will be dating. Still, is that something you want to explain to your children?

    Take care and best wishes,


  • Ravyn

    I never had an affair as a married woman and feel no need to--altho my husband and I both have soken of certain circumstances where we might consider an open marriage---but I was an affair. I was single, he was married. he came to me with lots of pain and issues and I hope I sent him home to her a little better than I found him. But if it made things worse, I am sorry for it.


  • berylblue
    any woman involved with a married man,

    I agree with you, JT, that he may not have loved me. However, he was not married. I was.


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