Ever have an affair????????????????

by jurs 88 Replies latest jw friends

  • jurs

    I've been married 14 LONG years to a real S.O.B. and I think I might just take that plunge. I was having a drink at a bar last week with a gal I work with. A guy sitting at the bar started to flirt with me and for the first time in my marriage I flirted back. I'm a hairstylist and the guy asked for my buisness card so that when he needed his haircut he'd come see me. Well he came 2 days later and he likes me I can tell. I don't have a strong attraction for him but then again I haven't had that woozey feeling for any guy since I've been 21 and thats been years ago. Well he called me today and came in again to have me trim his sideburns (it was an excuse) and told me he'd be at this bar if I wanted to stop by. I couldn't get the nerve up and finally several hours later I went but he had already left.

    God only knows why I haven't left my husband. Our marriage is crap. This guy knows I'm married and so is he. I think their seperated but not for certain. I kindof like the idea of having a fling with someone where it really wouldn't go anywhere. I'm lonely and tired of the way my life is. I don't want a serious relationship a fling seems to be just the thing! Anyone ever had an affair?


  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    This is the kind of thread that scares hell out of people, so dont expect a lot of usefull response. Myself, Ive been a bad lad in the past, thats true, but I suppose I could excuse it and say I had issues. The fact of the matter is, I think the monogamy thing is a load of rubbish, its contrary to male nature. From what you write I get the sense that you have had enough, my recommendation would be "go ahead" , you will grow with the experience of doing what you wish to do, and education is never wasted.

  • onacruse


    I'm lonely and tired of the way my life is.

    imho, that's the "operative phrase"you should be dealing with. A fling won't change that you're in an unhappy 14-yr relationship.

    Change your life, and then, perhaps, exchange your men.

    Craig (who for good reason rarely gives marriage advice)

  • sandy

    Hi Jurs. I think most people go through this when they are married or even just in a long-term relationship. Things get boring and you start to take one another for granted.

    You say your husband is a S.O.B.. What is wrong with him?

    I don't want to pass judgment but I think you should really think about this. If the other guy is married I think you better find out for certain if his relationship is over or not. If he is separated and his wife is thinking of taking him back I don't think you would want to have any part in stopping that from happening.

    Why are you still with your husband?

  • Valis

    jurs...If you have an affair all this will do is fill your plate with more stress and drama in your life IMO. If you aren't happy w/your husband then do either or...offer to get counseling if you think it could be fixed and you are willing to try and fix it, or if you feel you've had enough, then by all means separate and then (get laid) get on with your life. Hard descisions to make, but if you don't confront it now it will only make you more unhappier down the road. However, I would never discount the notion that physical, emotional, and intellectual contact is all important to get back to ASAP, especially if you aren't getting those things now. Just be careful and good to yourself, whatever you decide.


    District Overbeer

  • jurs


    when I said I was tired of the way my life was , I didn't explain why. Besides my husband being abusive, alcoholic, and controlling.............we also rarely have sex. We didn't have sex on our honeymoon and its been rare in 14 years. He has no interest. He says he's tired but I swear he rejects me just to hurt me. I'm not dog meat. I take care of myself. The only time we make love is after I complain how long its been. Usually once every 2 months!!! The last few years I could care less. Anyhow a fling would at least provide some physical comfort. I really don't want more than that right now anyway. I have no desire for another man in my life to boss me around.


  • berylblue


    The man with whom I became involved was just amazing. Gorgeous, intelligent, witty, talented. He has gone on to win major awards in his profession. I learned from him how utterly fabulous sex could be, the result being that relations with my husband became even more intolerable. (Side note: That really led to the start of my drinking. I couldn't bear sex with the husband anymore, so I had to have a few glasses of wine to get me through it. )

    To make a long, painful story short, although I only wanted some attention and fun in the beginning, in the end I fell completely in love with my lover, although this was not my intention. I just wanted what I perceived to be an extraordinary man. He was, in all ways but one: He was a coward. In the end, he decided he didn't have the gutts to make our relationship known and to make a life with me. It was not that he didn't love me, but that he lacked the courage to commit. In retrospect, I don't blame him at all.

    However, I was devastated. It took me about three years to get over him. Well, almost over him. I can't say I 'm completely over him, even 20 some years later.

    I'm not saying this is what will happen, merely what happened to me.

    I can totally relate being married to someone who is....well, a jerk. I can totally understand how it feels to want some affection and passion and excitement. I don't remember if you mentioned children? I don't think for a minute you'd want to hurt them....

    Please proceed carefully. I am sure you don't want to hurt anyone, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that YOU may get hurt in your quest for some happiness....


    "Miss Sugar and Vice, you paid a dear price

    For letting that man melt your armor of ice

    Your flaws are apparent, but who'll ever know

    of the beauty within you? The fire you can't show?"

    Crystal Coletti, "The Nature of the Ilness"

  • Francois

    Let's put it like this. If you think you're tired of your husband, you ain't seen nothin' yet. You'll get so tired of the lying, and the sneakin' around, and the lying, and the loss of self-respect, and the lying, and the fear every time you think you've been caught, and the lying, and then there's trying to keep two separate lives straight in your mind, and the lying, and then there's all the lying, too, did I mention that?

    Getting something like you contemplate started is easy; getting it stopped is NOT easy. It's almost impossible. Then there's all the lying.


  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Hey Franc, that is a great post. loved it.I sense youve had experience.

  • Satanus


    Here's a thought. Why not tell your sob that you might be having an affair. See what he has to say about it. Be upfront. Shake the tree. See what falls out.

    SS speaking from nonexperience

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