I'm with Francois and Valis on this, if your not happy, and not interested in making it work, then get out of the relationship, then move on and do what you want. Any sex with any human being, will still bring emotional bagage with it, no matter what is agreed apon, it's better to cut your losses, and move on, then sneak around, lie to people, lose your own self-respect etc. If he is abusive now, it will be ten times worse, if he finds out, it will just be another excuse, don't give him any excuses, he can hold over you. Your better than he is, and the urges are completely understandable, considering your situation. But in the meantime, if your looking for just sexual gratification, get down to one of your local sex shops, and get yourself a battery powered boyfriend. And give him the boot, so you can get a real boy toy.
Ever have an affair????????????????
I think Francois forgot to mention the lying.........hehhe...... I just had to do that.
I have nothing to say on this subject , I have been a faithful and happily married wife for over 18 years, I know i am lucky not to be married to the men you ladies have described. I know it works both ways for some of the men here , with wives who are just as cold. I can't imagine living in a marriage like that.
I am in a dead marital relationship too. But I have relatively young children to consider so I can't just up and leave.
My wife and I haven't had sex for years, yet she expects me to be celibate for the rest of my life (I'm 42) which I don't think is fair. An affair would be the ideal solution for me I think, given half a chance. Prostitutes are just too expensive.
So, I haven't yet been unfaithful to my wife but I'd like to be. Trouble is finding someone...
SaintSatan and the rest of the Gang,
I told him I was thinking about it. I told him what a S.O.B he was and how I just might. He acted like he could give a shit less. It could be that I have a mouth and threaten alot and never back it up and he doesn't know I'm serious or that he really just doesn't care. An affair just might give me the courage to leave. Its weird but I'm scared to leave and I'm not talking about being abused. I'm scared to be divorced. I don't make that much money How will I make it on my own sorts of worries.. This guy could be my stepping stone out of my marriage. Does that make sense?
Like TH says:
If he is abusive now, it will be ten times worse, if he finds out, it will just be another excuse, don't give him any excuses, he can hold over you.
Again, along with the others who've posted: take charge of your life.
Katie (bikerchic) is working at the library right now, but as soon as she gets home I'll tell her about this thread. She's much better at understanding and commenting about these things than I am.
I agree with TH in that there is no such thing as baggage-free sex (at least if you're a sensitive person like I am).
I so regret doing the deed with a coworker of mine, this was back around the time I was leaving JW. I still have to see her almost every day, she makes me retch.
Ahh yes, stay for the kids. It's a good thought. But, if your relationship makes you short w the kids, or if you are angry a lot, or if you are much less than you could be, as far as the kids are concerned, then a second thought is necessary. I say this because of what i saw my own parents go through, and the abuse and neglect we kids got as a result.
Separation, getting happy again, and sharing the kids is better, in my opinion, especially for the kids. On the other hand, if you don't have the above named feelings, if you are still generally happy, then there may not need to be a change.
Life's a beach
""monogamy thing is a load of rubbish, its contrary to male nature""
It is "male nature" at an early age to shit your pants, but sometimes we must unlearn what nature wants us to do. Welcome to the other side of the coin.
Jurs: All I ask is to think back to what made your marriage special. In all honesty, both parties seem to drift away, causing a rift. Can you rebuild on your original foundation for a new go at it? You will find that after the excitement of an affaire is over, you may be worse off..........
To be honest, yes I have cheated before. I felt no guilt for it either, because the person I was with was making me miserable. I did end up leaving shortly afterwards.
On the other hand, I have cheated before when I was with someone I cared about and it was a HUGE mistake and I felt horrible about it, but never did it again.
Basically, you are the only one who can decide what you think is best for you. No matter how much advice you get from us.
Just take the advice that has been given over and over again.........STAY SAFE!!! Go to the sex store/shop and get some protection. Women should be just as prepared as men these days, just in case you find yourself in a sexual situation.