Ever have an affair???????????????? (page 5)

Abaddon

Cheating is bad, lying is bad.

However, the increase in self-esteem and confidence I got from a fling with a girl I shouldn't have been sleeping with, and her belief in me as a wortwhile human being, rekindled my faith in myself sufficiently to allow me to make the changes to end my loveless psycho-bitch-drama-marriage and walk out of a cult.

If you've felt unwanted long enough, just knowing you can be wanted by another gives you the strength to make a change, even if the person who wants you is a transitional catalyst rather than your next life partner.

JT

imho, that's the "operative phrase"you should be dealing with. A fling won't change that you're in an unhappy 14-yr relationship.
Change your life, and then, perhaps, exchange your men.

excellent point, giving away some "Coochie" ain't going to change her life one bit, her issues are much deeper and some "In and Out, In and Out" will not help

your recommendation is an excellent one, here you have 2 folks with issues in their life him and her, both are married and until they address those issues life will remain the same

perhaps she needs to move on without her current husband, but just like leaving WT, it is not so much THE LEAVING it is often times THE WAY ONES LEAVES

if one doesn't prepare themselves to leave wt or their mate,, it can be very difficult more difficult than it has to be-

she is opening up a can of worms, divorce , family home, money, career, self worth, the whole nine yards

what works for one doesn't work for all is for sure, but i have seen so many former jw leave wt and head straight into destructive behavoir or destructive relationship-

if this guy is the one then leave your man, let him leave his wife and move forward,

I think especially for women this road is often times harder- while many woman can sleep with a guy and feel nothing, yet i have seen more women than men end up feeling empty, but hey the choice is hers and here on this site we don't DF

JT

Besides my husband being abusive, alcoholic, and controlling.............we also rarely have sex. We didn't have sex on our honeymoon and its been rare in 14 years. He has no interest. He says he's tired but I swear he rejects me just to hurt me. I'm not dog meat. I take care of myself. The only time we make love is after I complain how long its been. Usually once every 2 months!!!

PLEASE DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN- after i read your post- you have other issues you must address

if you have remained in such a relationship you really need to talk to someone

as has been pointed out you really have some choices to make

1- if your husband doesn't want to improve your marriage, then you need to leave

to continue to live in what is no more than a ABUSIVE REALTIONSHIP

you have been in wt, which is an abusive relationship and now a marriage,

well you got out of wt and you surivived you can get out of this marriage if he doesn't want to improve it

remember RUN FOREST run

JT

Besides my husband being abusive, alcoholic, and controlling.............we also rarely have sex. We didn't have sex on our honeymoon and its been rare in 14 years. He has no interest. He says he's tired but I swear he rejects me just to hurt me. I'm not dog meat. I take care of myself. The only time we make love is after I complain how long its been. Usually once every 2 months!!!

PLEASE DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN- after i read your post- you have other issues you must address

if you have remained in such a relationship you really need to talk to someone

as has been pointed out you really have some choices to make

1- if your husband doesn't want to improve your marriage, then you need to leave

to continue to live in what is no more than a ABUSIVE REALTIONSHIP

you have been in wt, which is an abusive relationship and now a marriage,

well you got out of wt and you surivived you can get out of this marriage if he doesn't want to improve it

remember RUN FOREST run

jurs

Thanks eveyone

I'm sooooooooo miserable. There is no hope for my marriage and I know that. I've been a chicken to leave and stand on my own 2 feet. My life WILL change drastically if I leave. I won't be able to travel and go places or afford the house I live in but money has not made my life happy. Its been an issue for me not leaving as well as just being scared to be alone. I do have kids they are 12 and 13. I've stayed for them as well but NOW I don't think it was all that beneficial. They see us fight all the time.

My biggest obstacle to having the affair is that HE is married. I could care less about my husband's feelings. That Jackass deserves anything coming his way. jurs

JT

It was not that he didn't love me, but that he lacked the courage to commit. In retrospect, I don't blame him at all.

I hate to break the bad news, but he didn't love you - he got over and that is why i tell any woman involved with a married man, DON''T fool yourself- if he is leaving his wife he will- but so many times men play the time game-

"Baby i'm leaving her SOON( KINDA REMINDS ONE OF WT real soon now)but i got to work out somethings, in the mean time give me some of this sweet "Coochie"

ladies don't be played like a fiddle

JT

Let's put it like this. If you think you're tired of your husband, you ain't seen nothin' yet. You'll get so tired of the lying, and the sneakin' around, and the lying, and the loss of self-respect, and the lying, and the fear every time you think you've been caught, and the lying, and then there's trying to keep two separate lives straight in your mind, and the lying, and then there's all the lying, too, did I mention that?
Getting something like you contemplate started is easy; getting it stopped is NOT easy. It's almost impossible. Then there's all the lying.
francois

while i don't always agree with your post, this one is on THE MONEY you got some deep points to ponder great post

JT

Here's a thought. Why not tell your sob that you might be having an affair. See what he has to say about it. Be upfront. Shake the tree. See what falls out.
SS speaking from nonexperience

at least the poster is HONEST - for this post shows NoExp

the woman has told us that her husband is ABUSIVE now to suggest that she tell her abuser that she is sleeping around is like giving this one a death sentence-

i don't beleive the suggestion was made, i hope it was tongue in cheek

JT

If he is abusive now, it will be ten times worse, if he finds out, it will just be another excuse, don't give him any excuses, he can hold over you. Your better than he is, and the urges are completely understandable, considering your situation. But in the meantime, if your looking for just sexual gratification, get down to one of your local sex shops, and get yourself a battery powered boyfriend. And give him the boot, so you can get a real boy toy.

you are one sick puppy BUT I LOVE IT

great post

Mary

It's always easy to say "it's wrong to have an affair while you're still married", but the truth is, most of the time when a marriage breaks up, one of the parties already has someone else to go to......it's usually an affair that's been going on for a long time. Not nice maybe, but that's the way life is.

I seriously contemplated having an affair with someone I worked with a few years ago (I was madly in love with him). He was alot older than me, and I could tell he was very unhappy in his marriage and I gathered that he and wifey had not had sex in a number of years. However, seeing as I was the single party, I figured that I would end up getting hurt, because even though he was unhappy in his marriage, he is a creature of habit and after 28 years of marriage, even a lousy one, I didn't think he would ever actually leave his wife. Probably because at his age, change is harder than when you're younger.

It's up to you whether you want the affair. I certainly understand the need for physical and emotional connection with someone, but if you do decide to go for it, you better be careful. Your husband sounds like he would not take the news well if he ever found out.

Ever have an affair????????????????

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