Ever have an affair????????????????

by jurs 88 Replies latest jw friends

  • Billygoat
    the choice is hers and here on this site we don't DF

    Jurs, we would not do that. No matter what you do, we will always be here and will always love you! I'm sorry you're so miserable. There is a better life...just need to get your courage up to take it!



  • ashitaka

    I wrote a long post, and then deleted it; basically I just reiterated what everyone else said.

    Listen to Billy and Lee. I can't think of any other persons on this board whose opinions I respect more. Good, strong women.

    In the end, you must make these decisons on your own, but make sure you sort the problems out first. Talk to professionals, even if you go by yourself. If you were abused, that can cloud every aspect of your judgement.

    Remember, sex can wait if you think that it will damage you emotionally. Remember, as people said, taking care of yourself is a safe way to stay out of relationships that leave you vulnerable, at least until you sort out your life.

    Good luck.


  • JT

    Ahh yes, stay for the kids. It's a good thought. But, if your relationship makes you short w the kids, or if you are angry a lot, or if you are much less than you could be, as far as the kids are concerned, then a second thought is necessary. I say this because of what i saw my own parents go through, and the abuse and neglect we kids got as a result.

    Separation, getting happy again, and sharing the kids is better, in my opinion, especially for the kids. On the other hand, if you don't have the above named feelings, if you are still generally happy, then there may not need to be a change.


    excellent point, the stay for the kids only teaches kids to stay IN BAD MARRIAGES

  • JT
    ""monogamy thing is a load of rubbish, its contrary to male nature""

    It is "male nature" at an early age to shit your pants, but sometimes we must unlearn what nature wants us to do. Welcome to the other side of the coin.


  • JT

    Andi and Lady Lee

    thank you thank you thank you

    you guys --Opps Your ladies post was DEEEEEP

    the personal exp that you had is so deep-

    one of the things my wife and i have tried to do is to help former jw see that they don't have to get into destructive behavoior or relationships just cause they have left wt and sad to say it is often time the female who get hit the hardest-

    we would have tons of former jw women over and they would often times relate pretty much a simimlar exp, thanks for sharing it--WITH ALL OF US

  • TresHappy

    Anyone see the movie "Unfaithful?" Seeing that movie is a good deterrent to anyone having an affair.

  • JT

    I'm sitting here thinking about how I can move on with my life.

    U GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Realist
    That Jackass deserves anything coming his way.

    ok that answers my question...

    if your husband really is such a jerk than you should not cheat on him but get a divorce before you start something new.

    if your new guy is not in the process of actually divorcing already than forget it...i have heard so many times that guys promise their mistresses that they would get a divorce but then never do it. (by the way ...i am not always proud of being a memeber of that sex )

  • home_and_dry

    Ok so it seems this thread has produced quite a bit of confessing so here’s what happened to me. It all started around four years ago. My partner and I had been together quite a few years and had two very young children, both pre-school. We were constantly fighting to keep our heads above water financially and it would have been too expensive to pay for childcare so that I could work, so he was working seven days a week. He also worked nights so I felt like a single parent most of the time. Being at home and isolated with two children was so, so hard. It was also hard for him, which I didn’t really see at the time, but he was working so many hours just to provide for us that we never had any quality time because even when he was at home, he was so tired that he didn’t really get involved with the kids so I struggled on alone and he worked as hard as he physically could. So we drifted apart over time and just lived our separate lives pretty much. I was so lonely, especially in the evenings but I swear I never thought about trying to meet someone else, faithfulness was always very important to me, regardless of my situation. Then I met someone on the internet. We met through a mutual interest in music and would innocently chat online in the evenings. Over time I spent more and more time chatting to him and he was my lifeline at the time, he was a good friend and was someone to talk to. This went on for a couple of months and the more time I spent talking to him the more I realised just how much we had in common, and it showed up more and more flaws in the relationship I had with my partner. After around three months of chatting and emailing each other my partner started to suspect something. So when I was out one evening he went on the computer and read my emails. There was nothing sexual in them but they were affectionate and from his point of view it looked really bad. He confronted me and I could see that he was devastated. I explained why I had become so close to this other man, and that we hadn’t even met but it didn’t really help. I would talk to the other man about my failing relationship and for my partner to read these emails must have been terrible for him. I promised I wouldn’t have any contact with him again but it was too much of a temptation, I’d be alone at night, my partner would be at work and the other man would be waiting on his computer to talk to me. So I carried on in secret. I pass-worded everything and covered my tracks the best I could. We started to speak on the phone and text each other, and so that was another thing to cover up. I kept my mobile phone switched off when my partner was around and looking back, it wasn’t too hard for my partner to know that I was still in contact with the other man. After about eight months of talking the other man, we decided to meet. My relationship at home had gone from bad to worse and I felt that I was falling in love with the other man. So we met up. And it was at that point that it just all hit me. He was really nice, but actually being with him made me realise that I was wrong and I knew there was no way that I could cheat on my partner, however bad things were. That following week I decided to break of all contact with the other man. This was easier said than done considering that he had just left his wife and was hoping that I would move to be with him. I knew that I wanted to make things work with my partner, and I started to try really hard. But I had left it too late. A week or two earlier he had met another woman. One night I tried to sit down and talk to him about our relationship but we ended up arguing. He stormed out the house and I said “either come back now or we are over” well, we were over. That night he went to the other woman and slept with her. He moved out of our home and was seeing this other woman. It wasn’t serious, he just wanted an escape I guess. I was devasted, both for what I had done in the first place and for him leaving me and sleeping with another woman. But after a month we talked it all out and decided to try again. It was so difficult, I found it hard to get past the fact he had slept with someone else, and he found it hard to trust me after all my sneaking around for months on end, although I hadn’t technically cheated on him. It took a long while to get over it and I suppose it still haunts me sometimes but ironically, it was what was needed to make or break the relationship. We are really happy now, we both work and get by ok financially. The kids are at school so I’m not under so much pressure. But now we look after each other and treat each other properly. He is a brilliant partner and father, and I cant believe I ever considered cheating on him. I learned my lesson and so did he, and we came out the other side, but it’s a hard lesson to learn and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

  • home_and_dry

    Hmm. my last post was in paragraphs so i dont know why it has all scrunched together. oh well.!

Share this