Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

by Wounded Heart 95 Replies latest watchtower medical

• 

  Thomas Poole

  I am writing a book. It opens like this.

  STOMPIN’ AT THE CONTINENTAL

  I stood up. “May I have your attention a moment.” The faces were typical: pious, scorning, wide-eyed with indignant surprise, and accusing. I had broken the pecking-order control system of the congregation. Without authorized introduction, I had spoken out to the congregation in bold reckless urgency.

  “I would like to announce that as of this moment, I am no longer one of Jehovah’s Witness. I now disassociate myself from the Columbia Heights Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. [Actually, I realized later that I was excommunicating the Watchtower organization en masse.]

  An elder rushed up to me and tore the paper I was reading out of my hand. I didn’t care much since I was going to give it to him anyway. Three days later this elder called me and said, “We have decided to accept your dissociation,” as though only they could decide if I could quit. What arrogance, I thought! Later they lied to the congregation that I had been “disfellowshipped,” as though they had grounds for using their form of religious excommunication. Little did I know I was graduating from the third grade that I had been kept in for so long spiritually.

  So how did I become a JW in the first place; better said, a Watchtower slave. How did I jump straight out of the body-of-Christ into false enlightenment? One reason is that what the Watchtower teaches is impressive. They teach and address subjects that the churches seldom talk about. They teach immediate hope and near-future results. When believing a WatchTower trained mind, it helps for a person to understand nothing, or nearly so, about the Bible. It helps to be a person who is drawn towards a façade of sincerity [little red riding hood was more cautious]; one who is gullible to friendly behavior and clean appearance. It also helps not to know you should make sure about what you are learning. Later-on the thought of evaluating their teachings means treason and ground for severe reprisal—ostracism, excommunication, and often annihilation of a marriage.
• 

  waiting

  Well, howdy there, Tom,

  Fine introduction to your book.

  It helps to be a person who is drawn towards a façade of sincerity [little red riding hood was more cautions]; one who is gullible to friendly behavior and clean appearance.

  Insightful.............and also explains why a disproportionate percentage of persons (imho) who have emotional trauma are drawn to the WTBTS. Looking for a haven - and the WTBTS seems to deliver.

  It also helps not to know you should make sure about what you are learning.

  Ain't that the truth.

  Man......if you would have come on with this thread to start with......you and MommieDark would have embraced!

  till next time,

  waiting
• 

  Thomas Poole

  Reading these posts has awakened me to a minor [if there is such a thing] sexual abuse that I experienced. It was hardly like anything hardcore sustained over time. It was a one time very quick event.

  I was visiting my mother's first cousin and her husband. I was about 7 or 8. I was in my pajamas and walked into their opened-door bedroom where I just jumped on the end of the bed ready for conversation or some type of interplay as a child would entertain. After a moment Ben reached over and roughly pulled down my pants about to my knees. I was exposed explicity. Even now--and this was 55 years ago--I remember full well his face as he did this, with his hard core intent and anticpation. I can also still feel my stoned-confused state of fear, fright, and extreme embarassment, all mixed. My reaction was immediate and desperately intense, as I pulled up my pants. I never had company with them again, even though they were always around as the extended family. This man had problems; he eventually shot himself. One of his sons has tried to kill himself twice.

  My coping with this was to not think about it, to close it out, although it was always there if I elected to think of it. A bit of my family life was taken out of context by not having a normal relationship with other relatives, just because of one event with one relative. I probably think about this once every eight years. It is not an on-edge dwelling within me.

  In the near past I wrote a list of all the people and things I needed to forgive. Then I said a prayer forgiving each person and each abuse that I could remember--anything I could think of. This doesn't make things better for the abuser, this doesn't erase my memory of course, but IT SET ME FREE. My bondage was lifted. Again, it set me free. Not free of memory, but free of hurt, bitterness, and anger; even if I didn't mean the forgiveness when I said it.

  So, in my case it was a minor event. For others to understand real sustained hard-core sexual/mental abuse to a victim of this experience, impossible; for only the victim can know his journey. I do think and believe there is a cure that each victim can find. Mine was forgiving. I cannot imagine or know of any other way.

  Where was God when this happened? I guess he was the same place during all les miserables of my life till now. I do believe and know that God exists and that I am loved. I don't hold anything against God. I know much cruelty exists in creation, and some use this to say God Is Dead or He doesn't exits.

  Since I have had numerous demonic oppressive encounters, I have proof that Satan exits, that supernatural force and evil exists, which proves God exists as well. I have heard demons speak audibly with and without cassettes. I know and can discern when they initiate thoughts in my head. I know the difference between my thoughts and the ones they insert. I have experienced the power of goodness overcome the evil. I know that I could not be set free by my own independent mortal efforts.

  I often think of how short life is. What's going on, I think. Is this some kind of joke. Should I laugh and be amused by it all or cry. I think, why I am only a blade of grass that withers away quickly in time, within this containment vessel, my body. I know there is better in the next life, as it is mean't to be. Once I laid upon my bed looking at the ceiling. I recognized that I had two choices: life or death. I knew I wanted life, and I made a list and took steps to pursue it.

  Free In Christ Jesus our Lord & Savior, as the Father would have it.
• 

  walking wounded

  Dear Wounded Heart,
  My daughter has recently been diagnosed with DID. I spent two months with her and met all her precious people. Being her mother I recognized each one. They had all been there through her life. A baby that sucked her thumb and quietly brushing her blankee across her face... a baby I knew very well as my daughter, yet this baby was in a grown woman's body. Her alters range from 5 to 22 years of age. She was sexually molested by my father as I was. You'd think as her mother, I would have known better, but I handled my abuse by disassociating and locking those memories away. I was not creative enough to get help to cope with the abuse by forming alters, I just froze off most of my inner self. I am only now realizing what he did to me, too late to save my daughter.
  We have had some bitter arguments of blame and self-blame, while the pedophile denies it all, escaping our wrath and punishment.
  It is still very difficult for my daughter to function. She has so much activity going on in her head. How are you coping? Are you able to work? She has suffered much by her own hands with self-mutilation and suicide attempts. I wish I could take it all away. She is creative and talented. She is a hair dresser and most of her clients have tolerated a lot of absentees to stay her clients. She has a difficult time with "time."
  I would love to know more about you and how you are coping with sharing your body with others.
  sincerely,
  walking wounded
• 

  waiting

  Hello fellow mother - and a nod of recognition.

  You'd think as her mother, I would have known better,

  Yeah, you'd think mothers would be all-knowing or at least be able to know things that all others fail to see. I'm a mother too - and we and others tend to judge us harshly. Sometimes correctly - others times - no, no, no.

  I was molested also, and so was my daughter, and so was my younger brother who molested by daughter also. My father was a busy man. You'd think as her mother and his sister, I would have known better too. The only problem was.....I had no clue as I had no memories. I had years and people missing and I didn't know it.

  How do you know things you don't remember or recognize?

  I'm glad you and your daughter can talk about these things and that you're trying to be part of her life - no matter what turn it takes.

  Btw, Wounded Heart still comes here, but not as often as I do. This seems to be a second home for me. Thankfully, Simon (forum owner) is a gracious host and hasn't tossed me

  Welcome - perhaps your daughter might be interested in visiting also?
  Please come back and visit again.

  waiting
• 

  Yerusalyim

  I'm not a multiple, but my wife is.

  Waiting, my wife doesn't recall our dinner or your conversation with her at all. Can you email me the name and number of the therapist you gave to her before?

  
  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
• 

  waiting

  Hey Yeru,

  I'm e-mailing you now. ((((((((((to you and your pretty wife))))))))
• 

  plmkrzy

  http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/

  This page I found very credible regarding opinion.
  This is a description of me.
  Sometimes it feel’s like I’m not making any progress and I want to give up. But I have to continue reminding myself where I am NOW as opposed to where I was several years ago. The more often I remind myself of that, and think about the real progress I have made, the easier it consistently gets to snap out of those feelings of being too tired to keep trying.
  Like little personal training wheel’s for the mind.
  --------
  When you were growing up, splitting off from your feelings and physical sensations was an effective and necessary coping skill." [I personally would add here: that in both the case of denial for the survivor not diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and in the case of anyone diagnosed with BPD, in my opinion, DDNOS, and or DID/MPD an important part of why this coping skill worked/works is that it is denial at work as a defence mechanism without which many of us just may not have survived] "You couldn't stand the physical pain, the confusing sensations, the humiliation, the jumbled intensity of feelings the abuse caused. So you learned to space out." [or dissociate in terms of other fragmented parts and or alters] "The problem is you may still be spacing out, even when you don't want to. Like other childhood coping mechanisms, the survival skill may have outlived its purpose." [Again I would interject here that you know it has outlived itself as a coping skill when, now, as an adult, this may be the very aspect of your 'coping' that keeps you from functioning as you would like to in every day life]

  
  [email protected]http://ourworld.cs.com/Pwmkwzy/PAGE+1+home.html
• 

  Lady Lee

  Waiting, Walking Wounded, and any others :)

  I just saw this thread come to the top and well.. just had to respond.

  I have know many people with others inside. The courage and strength they have to have survived their pasts and step into their futures has always amazed me.

  I have several bios on DID

  When Rabbit Howls by The Troops for Truddi Chase
  Voices by Lacalle, T.M.
  Prism, Andrea's world by Bliss, J. & Bliss, E.

  I also have

  United We Stand by Gil, E. written so your child parts can understand what DID is.

  Other than wthese books I have most of the academic books published on MPD/DID.

  I believe that information is power. So feel free to ask questions - if you have any left at this point.

  A not-so-silent lamb
  
  Aspire to inspire before you expire
• 

  waiting

  Hey Lady Lee,

  Thanks for the info - I just erased a long thread about all this stuff to you - and decided to revert to a simple thank you.

  Another book I enjoyed was called either "DID - from the inside out" or "MPD - from the inside out". Lol, wish they'd make up their minds what to call us - and decide if we exist or not. Damned irritating.

  There's so much contradicting information about this condition, the validity of it and other issues - it's hard to come to grips with what's current and validly written. I've read E. Loftus book on false memory and some of her research. Interesting - but seems to have a flaw or two - but many valid points on normal memory.

  Sometimes seems like that old saying "England swings like the pendalum." Far right to far left. We're not a politically correct group right now. lol.

  I'm reading a book on actual memory now.....but man, it's deep wading. Personally, I prefer flowers.

  waiting