Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
Glad to help keep this thread up and going - it's well worth while.
The site Wounded Heart gave is a great one for learning, another site is:
Sexual Abuse/Child Abuse Among Jehovah's Witnesses - by Randy Watters http://www.exjws.net/sexabuse/index.htm
I've searched through my papers, can't find the address for Sidran Foundation - but I think there's a link to it from the above site. They have all kinds of books on abuse, from children's to therpist level.
There is also a journal I used to subscribe to - but can't find my back copies now called Many Voices It's written for mpd/did persons, and done well. I'll keep looking for my copies.
As for lost good memories along with bad ones - yeah, I asked physchiatrist about that too. He says no one knows exactly why that happens. Doesn't seem fair though, does it? I have a girlfriend from grade school who I remember a little about. But we were best friends for years - and she has all kinds of stories about us, too bad I don't have knowledge of them. She's a nurse, and still found it remarkable that I don't remember much about those years. Even in high school, I didn't have those memories - she came to visit me and would call regularily. I didn't understand why she kept calling me because to my knowledge, we hadn't been that close as kids.
Now I understand why she was hurt when I didn't have the friendship she had. We both lost a friendship of value. I just didn't have the memories.
If this thread is still going - I'll tell you a killer funny no-memory episode with the guy I dated for two years.
Hope you're ok? Chat back if you like? Even in our peculiar circumstances, there are oddly funny moments. I've only got one instance - but it is very peculiarly funny. Promise to put it up - but would like you to chuckle too. I even made my therapist (not jw one) laugh with this one.
Now here's something I don't quite understand. I guess it's a function of our individuality that we all cope so differently. I have no 'lost memories'. I remember everything.
In my case, I made 'mental storage boxes' for things, hid them well, and tried to forget they were in my head. 'Moving on' as certain family members told me I must. But I never forgot anything really. I jsut squelched and squeezed the memories and the emotions into those cartons and stashed them in the deepest darkest places I could make inside my head&heart. Then when the present stresses piled up, the boxes sort of burst open under the pressure and I found the attic contents spilling down into my conscious thoughts and ruining my life.
That's when I developed a startle reflex with a hair trigger. Bursting out into tears, or becoming enraged, at tiny things. Nightmares, and disturbed sleep cycles, nights with all REM sleep and vivid weird dreams nonstop. Reliving old horrors in flashback. Losing my competence to cope with everyday stresses.
It took long patient years of sorting out the tangled messes in my mental attic before I even started on the road to recovery. But all the contents of the attic are still intact in my case. I just have to learn to ignore the nasty stuff and try to put the good stuff in neat accessible places near the front of my consciousness.
Doesn't that sound easy? [8>]I'll let you know if I ever succeed...
"Hair trigger response,disturbed sleep cycles,and everything else you described are classic PTSD Sx. hugs,T
Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny...."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense,you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."
Yep, that's what the shrinkydink called it Tina. Later someone pointed me toward info on a similar disorder called prolonged Distress Stress Disorder, a sib illness brought on by longstanding stresses rather than one large trauma. This would seem to be more my situation than post-trauma, as I had a series of nasty little traumas and stresses, rather than one catastrophe.
Same result, tho.
I'm much better now...
That's when I developed a startle reflex with a hair trigger. Bursting out into tears, or becoming enraged, at tiny things. Nightmares, and disturbed sleep cycles, nights with all REM sleep and vivid weird dreams nonstop. Reliving old horrors in flashback. Losing my competence to cope with everyday stresses.Yeah, I've always been plagued by the above, plus panic attacks, irritable bowel syndrome, migranes, and been misdiagonosed with epilepsy, etc. Been on/off anti-depressants since my first pregnancy. Such is the life of some victims/survivors. Takes a while to see a pattern - people tend to just "go" through life.
But, on a more humorous note:
When I decided to look up some high school friends I remembered, I started making calls back to Indianapolis. Hadn't talked to anyone from my pre-marriage jw years since 1968. I contacted my old boyfriend who I "went steady" (16 to 18) with for 2 years, then briefly engaged to. I have always remembered having sex with him on 4 different occasions - none of which I was particularily fond of, typical backseat first time kinda thing, one of which was a classic date rape. At that time, that wasn't the name for it - it was called being in the wrong place at wrong time.
Anyway......we conversed a couple of times, he's a Sargent Detective now, gives the lie detector tests for the Sheriff's Dept. He brought up the date rape, and apologized saying he didn't even realize what he'd done until after he went to school. I accepted. After chatting, he started talking about how great sex was between us for those Two Long Years. I mumbled something about 4 times (2 at beginning and 2 at the end of years) - and he asked me what I thought we did *during* those 2 years? I remember him babysitting with me, drive-in movies, necking, etc. But I have no memory of Two Long Years, sometimes twice or more an evening.
While we were talking on the phone, my being quite embarrassed btw, my current husband was sitting near me with understanding of my phone conversation. He took out his calculator, and figured out, based on the times x nights for two years, that I was a pretty roudy Irish Catholic girl, as my then boyfriend was Irish Catholic also. My current husband with calculator was raised jw - felt he missed out on all this "roundy" sex business - and how many times I was ahead of him being that I am six years younger than him (some things are really important no matter how many years go by).
The next time I talked with my old beau, I politely asked him if he thought I enjoyed all this roudy sex. He said "well, I thought you did....." I was telling my therapist about all this, and when I told her about this question - she just looked at me and laughed, saying "you're a real ballbreaker, you know it?"
Rather hurt my feelings.
hey all. im still here. been a very looooong week. emotionally and physically. will be back when can write more. might be a day or so. have to sleep. very up and down this week. lots of emotions. only way to recoup is to sleep as much as i can. its the only way for us to recover. so am off to bed to get the needed sleep. if im up for it we will respond tomorrow night. we'll have to see how it all goess.
do wanna say thank you for the continued responses that keep this up by the top. really means alot to me. more than i ever expected. youu guys are great.
hope you all are doiig well.
oh, and email is open if anyone would prefer to write directly instead.
ps for frank: i havent forgotten you. just really been hard since we last talked. thanks for undertanding.
Love by giving to & accepting others unconditionally = true, pure love
Get that sleep Kath!! We're here for you when you are ready.
bring this thread to the top in case there are newbies that it might help.
hope this finds you all doing well.
Love by giving to & accepting others unconditionally = true, pure love
I tried to find this thread a couple of weeks ago, but, duh.......
Anyway.....glad you brought it back up.
How's things going for you? Hope this finds you doing well? Interesting how things progress in life. My daughter is marrying an *older* man (my age - oh.my.gawd.) One of his daughters is quite reclusive, but intelligent and beautiful. His first wife is a screaming demon - literally, knife in hand.
The girl's been in&out of therapy for several years. My daughter recently asked if this young woman could talk with me. Seems that her therapist has strongly suggested she start thinking about did/mpd (paraphrasing).
We talked for quite a while, but I was really backward about suggesting she might have it - not that much fun to be labeled that.
Seems like violence is the trigger for the girl. Such a shame.
Along with therapy, she seems to be maturing in her outlook on life, etc.
Nice to see your posts again.
Hello. I'm still here, and still willing to help in any way I can. I've been in contact, btw, with the Sidran Foundation about writing a book for them about how to partner with a person who has DID. We're working on a contract now.