Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

by Wounded Heart 95 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  New Eyes

  Wounded Heart
  I have DID too.
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  waiting

  Hey Plm

  But I have to continue reminding myself where I am NOW as opposed to where I was several years ago. The more often I remind myself of that, and think about the real progress I have made, the easier it consistently gets to snap out of those feelings of being too tired to keep trying.

  Lord, the road is long, but gets better. Up and down like *normal people* just on a slightly altered road.

  From one of the books I've read:

  People with MPD (now DID) for the most part, lead ordinary lives. They just do it uncomfortably.

  I tend to agree with that. So many of us, I would suspect, yearn to be average, ordinary - hell, we strive for average, even if we have to come down to that plain. And we will keep ourselves there, just so that we can blend in.

  Like in makeup.....blending is the secret. Lol, aliens know that secret too. And NO! I don't necessarily believe in alien invasions either! Seems people want to dump believing in aliens and DID together for some odd reason. This was a half-assed attempt at DID humor, if it missed.

  waiting
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  waiting

  Well hey! New Eyes,

  Darn it......don't *I* get a hello? j o k e (some people don't get my humor.) Lol - hello anyway
  I certainly hope Wounded Heart sees how popular she is.......and how many of us identify with her.

  Welcome to this thread.

  waiting
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  Lady Lee

  Hi new eyes and waiting - From the inside out is excellent- I loved reading it - some great advice in there for people working with DID.

  Doesn't the controvery drive you nuts. I suspect that the nay-sayers have never met a multiple. Once you do there is no doubt. No one can put an act on like that for years and not slip up. Not even the best actors could do that. And multiples aren't trained actors.

  You are right about Loftus. Some good research on normal memory but she makes the mistake of applying that to traumatic memory - it just doesn't work.

  I picked up a new DID book the other day. Haven't had time to look at it yet Uncovering the Mystery of MPD by Friesen, J.G.

  One I would recommend - not about DID but excellent it Too Scared to Cry by Terr, L.

  Really whether the debate goes on or not you know who you are and that is what matters.

  New Eyes hope you have a good therapist

  A not-so-silent lamb
  
  Aspire to inspire before you expire
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  waiting

  Hey Lee,

  Too Scared to Cry by Terr, L.

  Lenore Terr (is that her name?) Is she the same one who wrote "Unchained Memories" (or something similiar)?

  I have the Unchained book - valid points. I think one mistake that a lot of people do on this issue, and life in general, is to think that it's black/white. Either all true or all false. Either no memory or total recall.

  In Psych 101 (yes, I put that so everyone knows I'm NOT waaaaaaaay up there) - Loftus was quoted quite a bit on memory, how memory can be tampered with, and on traumatic memory. Also, the False Memory Foundation was given as an additional research site.

  Interestingly enough, DID was referred to as "still being in the clinical book......for now." I understand the basics of the controversary, but even some professionals still seem to swing waaaaaay to wide to one side or another.

  Personally, I think the middle of the road, the damn fence, or averageness is a commendable place to temporarily be while thinking.

  Ran across this quote today (thanks to whoever put it up):

  When my information changes, I change my opinions.-- John Maynard Keynes

  Good point, imho. And thanks, Lee, for your input into this thread. Invaluable.

  waiting
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  Lady Lee

  There is one theory discussed by a few academics that all people are to some degree multiples

  there is the idea of the id ego and superego
  there is the parent child and the critical adult
  hidden observer
  the head the heart and the gut feeling

  a few others have similar parts of the self

  One theory and I forget where but could find it if I had to is that as infants we are all multiples. The example given was how babies and children switch emotions. One minute they fall down and cry and they next minute they can be laughing.

  It seems that the different parts of self have not integrated to become the whole person.

  Most people have different aspects to who they are. In many situations we even have arguments about things. I really love him. But he lies to me. But I really love him. But he isn't good for me. This battle can go on forever until another part steps in and says I've had enough we just aren't picking up that phone. This is normal stuff.

  We know dissociation is a continuum. The normal stuff like daydreaming and highway hypnosis is experienced by every one and then there is the other end - full blown poly-fragmented DID. And there is a lot of room in the middle.

  Now the theory of everybody being multiple goes that normally people can integrate all the aspects or parts of the self as they are developing. One of the challenges of adolescence is to figure out who we are in this muddle of differentness. Remembering being an 11 yr old girl? One minute you want to be treated like an adult and the next you want to climb into mommy's lap? Eventually we grow up and integrate all the parts.

  Unless we have been abused. Trauma according to the theory prevents the integration from occurring. It is a defense to protect the body at times and the mind. If we contain the parts of self and keep them separate then we can coninue to function in the ways we need to without the double bind paralyzing us.

  This makes a lot of sense to me. It is a theory not gospel and should be taken simply as one way to see DID but I find it fascinating

  As for the memory - known and repressed I mostly remembered my abuse. But I had a scar on my leg and knew I didn't know where it came from. I have other scars and I know what caused each and every one. All except this one scar. I realized that I must have repressed it because nothing I thought of made sense. And then one day I was talking with a friend of mine. She did something very innocent - something she had done and I have seen done hundreds of times before but in that moment it triggered the repressed memory and I KNEW what the scar was from. I tested my theory and it fit. Won't tell cause I don't want to trigger some people or others but it was a powerful reminder to me in the reality and strength of repressed memories

  A not-so-silent lamb
  
  Aspire to inspire before you expire
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  waiting

  Hey ((((((((Lee))))))))),

  Thanks for chatting with me - I enjoy it, and perhaps some other readers are too.

  It is a theory not gospel and should be taken simply as one way to see DID but I find it fascinating

  I was dealing with a rape advocate who actually worked closely with (or was employed) by the Indpls. Sheriff's Dept. some years back. Her background was remarkably similar to mine, but she had dealt with it by becoming a prostitute, druggie, etc. She didn't develop into a multiple, however. The other children in her family didn't fare so well.

  Long story made short - she said I was the first person like her (father's style) that she had met in all her 20 yrs of working with rape victims. I was new to this arena and still dazed.

  One statement she made on MPD/DID theory: "There is a theory that some multiples started out as brilliant, highly imaginative, children. In order to survive, they burned an enormous amount of brainpower to keep so many (or several) different aspects of their personality going. Thus, as adults, their brilliance may be gone, as they tend to be only above average, on the average."

  Since some people think of DID persons as odd, fractured, mental, liars, believing in aliens - I found some smug comfort in this theory that at least at one point in my life, I may have been brilliant. Lol, obviously not now, though.

  Good talking with you.

  waiting
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  Lady Lee

  I have worked with many DID clients. Some are brilliant. Some are smarter than average. None are stupid by any means - even as adults.

  Actually I think I would resent her remark about losing the brain cells due to over use. That has got to be one of the most dumbass unscientific remarks I have ever hreard.

  With all the people I have worked with and all the parts of people I have worked with there is no way not one time I would say that would apply. Maybe I am lucky but I think not

  My experience working with MPD/DID whatever we want to call them is that they are bright, articulate, intuitive, creative, intelligent (provided they have the information they need) and most have had the most amazing sense of humor. I love them all dearly.

  as for you my dear waiting - I would say the same applies - bright, articulate, intuitive, creative, intelligent (look at what you are reading girl) and have a great sense of humor Now smarten up and don't swallow all that crap about losing brain celles - who else could juggle all the gang inside

  One more things - I have never met a part that I thought was dumb or stupid or slow - given the chance and someone to listen they are wonderful to get to know

  even the little ones and the ones that wanted to scare me away

  A not-so-silent lamb
  
  Aspire to inspire before you expire
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  waiting

  lol lee,

  Didn't mean to offend - nor was I offended by the above mentioned woman. She was a godsend to me - someone I could identify with. I think that's one of the most lonesome aspects of our thinking context as DID - very few of us seem to think alike.

  I was amazed by her and her accomplishments. Her father was a Captain in the Army in the 60's - had several kids, married, and a killer. He liked company, an audience, a lover - and she was it. We talked for long times about what it's like, just comparing notes. How much of our memories were true, confabulated, whatever is politically correct at the moment, - who knows? But to identify with another like mind was a fabulous find for me, a once in a lifetime opportunity. Cool woman.

  I would suspect on a continuing line......I'm not an active multiple now - but it was my lifeline growing up. Sorry to say, I'm one of those who sometimes don't remember my good friends either - just time and people lost. I've never tried to regain a lot of my memories unless they helped me put together a picture of my Life with Father.

  I was in an incest therapy group one time - and brought up my theory of averageness - that I (and some others agreed with me) fought very hard to be viewed as average our whole lives. We felt safety in our averageness......as few people see us.

  Btw, I - like a lot of other people - actually know we're not average, not much above either btw. But averageness is a mighty weapon of self defense. I know it sounds odd - a way of hiding perhaps. But to be able to achieve an average lifestyle from our childhoods is a remarkable feat, imho.

  I've read When Rabbit Howls - good book.

  The book I'm reading now is Memory and Abuse by Charles Whitfield, MD. So far about short term/long term memory and the aspects of how trauma impacts the process. He's a tad dry though.

  I read a really good - and graphic book - couple of years ago. Actually found it in the public book store. Dont' remember the name - but it was something like "Abused Boys" - giving graphic accounts on the abuse memories of actual boys. Helped me a lot to identify with the style of abuse I received. Much more violently/sexually graphic in deviancy than When Rabbit Howls.

  Enjoy sharing books with you.

  waiting
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  Lady Lee

  ----
  I've never tried to regain a lot of my memories unless they helped me put together a picture of my Life with Father
  ----

  Good for you. Contrary to what a lot of people seem to think regaining every single memory is not what it is all about. Getting enough memories to understand yourself and why you deal with problems in certain ways is the key to changing how you deal with things - or what you believe about certain things. As long as you are emotionally healthy and deal with life on those terms the regaining of memory is a useless waste of time. Perhaps not an idea shared by some therapists but the real goal of therapy is healthy functioning. If you are healthy then the therapy is not needed.

  Although never a multiple I can relate to wanting to be average. I grew up feeling so different from everyone else (between the abuse and the JW who wouldn't). I did read your age in another thread - I will be the same in a couple of weeks. There is one thing I read that said most multiple grow out of it as they get older. This might support that theory of all are multiples and then integrate as they age. But my point here is that as we get older we do get wiser. We do learn from experience. We do learn to give up certain fights and live what is important.

  I did a one-time group with all my MPD clients who wanted to participate to give them an opportunity to meet others like them. We had 9 bodies in the room and over 100 personalities. It was interesting and we had to set down some guidelines - only one could come out but they could all talk. Some found it wonderful. Some were a little overwhelmed. And well could not contain their others who kept popping out. In the end I think it helped everyone know they were not alone and gave them a glimpse of what I saw in them all - a wonderful collection of parts that needed to learn to work together.

  A not-so-silent lamb
  
  Aspire to inspire before you expire