Thank you all for the warm welcome.
It is extremely hard, I agre, for family and firends to know where you are. I have found so much more comnfort on the internet with total strangers than with people that have known me my entire life. If it weren't for the internet, I probably would have been locked away a long time ago. The feelings of desparation run deep for those involved with anyone in the org. . I am deeply grateful for sites such as this and many others that have given me support when I needed it, a shoulder to cry on and a place to yell and scream out my frustrations.
This weekend is the BIG district thingy, I am trying to talk hubby into spending the weekend down there at the place that it is being held, just to have one weekend where I don't have to deal with it. Would be so nice to to have some "space". Does anyone know what I mean?
We also have 2 small children, I have refused to allow them to attend any KHs. I told my husband if he dared even speak to them about his beliefs that I would make sure that he would never see them again. It makes it hard on them. I never wanted my children to feel torn between their parents. I try so hard to keep the peace around here. Just for their sakes.
the latest thing that bugs me is.....His Bible study time. It was fine when it was elsewhere, but the last 2 have been held in our home. It makes me uncomfortable. I have never had anyone over for a Bible study of my own, so as not to make him uncomfortable in his own home, but he has no regard for my feelings or respect for me in the same way. I explained how I felt about it, and he still held his study here. This time though it was different. They spoke as though they were trying to convince me. At least that is how it felt. They spoke loud enough that I could hear. And at the end the guy he is studying with had the nerve to ask me to the convention this weekend. I used to like this guy, he was the only JW friend of hubby's to actually show respect for me and never compromised my feelings. But lately he is getting pushy. I am inclined to think that the push is on for my conversion as well. I could be wrong. But my GUT tells me otherwise.
I have ranted and rolled on enough, thank you again for the support. And for the ear.