by waiting 205 Replies latest jw experiences

  • missy

    Thank you all for the warm welcome.
    It is extremely hard, I agre, for family and firends to know where you are. I have found so much more comnfort on the internet with total strangers than with people that have known me my entire life. If it weren't for the internet, I probably would have been locked away a long time ago. The feelings of desparation run deep for those involved with anyone in the org. . I am deeply grateful for sites such as this and many others that have given me support when I needed it, a shoulder to cry on and a place to yell and scream out my frustrations.
    This weekend is the BIG district thingy, I am trying to talk hubby into spending the weekend down there at the place that it is being held, just to have one weekend where I don't have to deal with it. Would be so nice to to have some "space". Does anyone know what I mean?
    We also have 2 small children, I have refused to allow them to attend any KHs. I told my husband if he dared even speak to them about his beliefs that I would make sure that he would never see them again. It makes it hard on them. I never wanted my children to feel torn between their parents. I try so hard to keep the peace around here. Just for their sakes.
    the latest thing that bugs me is.....His Bible study time. It was fine when it was elsewhere, but the last 2 have been held in our home. It makes me uncomfortable. I have never had anyone over for a Bible study of my own, so as not to make him uncomfortable in his own home, but he has no regard for my feelings or respect for me in the same way. I explained how I felt about it, and he still held his study here. This time though it was different. They spoke as though they were trying to convince me. At least that is how it felt. They spoke loud enough that I could hear. And at the end the guy he is studying with had the nerve to ask me to the convention this weekend. I used to like this guy, he was the only JW friend of hubby's to actually show respect for me and never compromised my feelings. But lately he is getting pushy. I am inclined to think that the push is on for my conversion as well. I could be wrong. But my GUT tells me otherwise.
    I have ranted and rolled on enough, thank you again for the support. And for the ear.


  • outnfree

    Hi, everyone!

    For some reason, my previous post to this thread did not appear.


    I am sorry for the sorrow in your life right now. You seem to have a positive attitude, so that's good. Pearljan is a friend of mine, and your post and hers have convinced me to broach the subject of organ donation with my family.

    Thanks for sharing,


    Your GUT is right on! The change of venue is meant precisely as a way to have you "overhear" the discussion and become "more favorable" towards the organization.

    Have you explained to your husband what you just explained to us? That out of regard for his feelings you have never had a Bible study in your home and that you wish he would respect your feelings as well?

    I am in the position of having BEEN the JW spouse in a divided household. It IS difficult for the children. What is sad is that I'm sure your husband is absolutely convinced that what he is doing means the salvation of your children and himself. (And the recent change of venue is because he loves you and wants you to be saved as well.)

    Prepare yourself for the argument that he has a right to teach your children what HE believes although he cannot stop you from also teaching them what YOU believe. He IS their parent, too. (And the head of the household!)

    I understand about your wanting the "space" too. When there's tension, it's nice to have a break from that.

    I, too, along with MyMichelle, look forward to more of your posts.
    I am happy to be an "ear" for your frustrations.


  • Golgatha

    Hello again everyone,

    I apologize for not having posted sooner. I have been reading "Crisis of Consience". What an astonishing look into what has happened within the organization over the past 130 years. For most of my life I had seen or heard of ones who were disfellowshipped, and never had I imagined some were disfellowshipped for merely disagreeing with Watchtower doctrine.

    I remember from an early age been told about Ray Franz, and some of what had taken place at Bethel in the late 70's and early 80's. I remember how he was demonized, and some even pointing to the scriptures as having prophisized his "apostasy" (i.e. - "the evil slave"). When I read this book I did not know what to expect. I thought perhaps I was to read the rantings of embittered and hostile man out to subvert the WTBTS teachings by any means neccesary. How wrong I was. Instead he seemed to be a very gentle, unassuming man, not the horrific monster I was lead to belive he was growing up. I wonder how many witnesses know he was disfellowshipped for merely eating a meal with a disassociated brother?

    I recommend this book to any and all who have not read it. While it is a personal account, it also deals extensively with the erroneous teachings of the WTBTS.

    I need to mull this new found knowledge over for a while. Though I can say I am already mentally reaping some of the benefits from reading it.


  • Golgatha

    P.S. - I really can spell betta thun that. :)

  • Cautious

    Missy, your "gut" is right. They teach you to do that sort of stuff. They are always trying to get a new convert - it is what they have been taught to do and it looks good for them if they can do it!

    As Outnfree said, your husband will try to "save" you and your children. Did he go away for the convention? Did you get your space? Sounds like you really need it.

    Have a read through the main board - you might get some pointers from other posters there.

    Take care

  • esther

    Welcome Missy. You said

    They spoke as though they were trying to convince me. At least that is how it felt

    They were, your husband believes that your life depends on it. And yes, the speaking loudly is in the hope of convincing you that it is 'the truth'.

    As the others in this thread said, your gut is right. If you read some of the other threads, you might be able to come up with some subtle questions to ask him.

    Have you visited the ajwrb (Associated Jehovah's Witnesses for the Reform of Blood site? It was set up by Jehovah's Witnesses, including elders. One link is > http://www.ajwrb.org/about.shtml
    There is one place in the site that goes into the history of the blood issue, and how the society has changed the rules


  • Gopher


    Hi & welcome to the board. Your comments about Ray Franz and his book "Crisis of Conscience" are spot on.

    I also remember hearing the legends about the so-called "terrible rebellion" that Ray supposedly spearheaded. Even last year, I heard the story (passed down from headquarters I am sure) that the reason he "fell away" is that he stopped reading the Bible.

    Then when reading the book last year (for the first time) I found that Ray used and applied a whole ton of scriptures in his argumentation, so that rumor about him turning away from the Bible was a lie. In fact everything I had heard from "inside the organization" was a lie.

    The book quickly turned me from a WT Society apologist into a realist very quickly, and it confirmed my decision to not go back into the organization again!

    The WT society casts aspersions on those who leave its organization, especially those who express concerns about the organization or its teachings. They try to control the information, and try to keep everyone in check through FEAR rather than LOVE.

    Thanks for sharing your story and I hope you'll continue to learn from and contribute to this discussion board.

    GopherThe sieve says to the needle; you have a hole in your head.
    Indian Proverb

  • outnfree



    Hi & welcome to the board. Your comments about Ray Franz and his book "Crisis of Conscience" are spot on.

    Are you really a Brit or is it "hanging about" with all these Brits and Aussies that's done this to you?

    Above, I almost told Missy her gut was "spot on". In another response, I almost used the (British?) "in hospital" as they used to say in Canada rather than "in the hospital"...

    I wonder if it works the "other way round?" LOL

    Keep smilin', Goph'!

    P.S. Welcome to the Board, Golgotha! It took a LOT of "digesting" and rumination for me to come to terms with all that I read in CofC, too!

  • Gopher

    (With apologies to the other readers for this side conversation)--


    Goodonya for noticing, mate! You are "spot on". I am an American, absorbing cool phrases from my new off-shore partners in crime, heh heh. (And yes, it does work the other way around in real life. Our American words creep into about every culture with the exception of France.)

    GopherThe sieve says to the needle; you have a hole in your head.
    Indian Proverb

  • myMichelle

    Arrgghh! I had typed a lengthy reply to Missy and I messed up, and it went off to Neverland. I know better too, durn it.

    Okay, I feel better now. Let's see if I can be briefer...

    You mention that you feel more comfortable on a db than with family and friends. I am too, I think that's because of the anonymity, it's not likely that you or your husband will meet anyone here and there aren't any worries that someone will call him a bastard for the anquish you are going through. I know I was hesitant to speak with family for that reason, my husband is a wonderful guy in every other aspect, it's the topic of religion that cause great dicord in our marriage. He sincerely believed that his involvement with the Org made him a better person, husband and father and I think he was stunned by my views to the complete opposite.

    I also have two young children and I forbade their KH attendance. I think this granted my husband sympathy from the congregation initially, but as it became clear that I would not be converting and the kids would not be attending that sympathy evaporated.

    IMO there are two standards for JWs with nonJW spouse, a female JW is granted leeway whereas a male JW is not. A female JW has the "He's the head of the household" mantra to fall back upon, where the male is expected to make his family fall in line. Perusing the Family book and various WT and A! articles, pages of advise is offered to female JWs and the male JWs might get a paragraph. Usually it is something to the effect of him being the head of household it is up to him to inculcate the mental regulations of Jehovah upon the children. No consideration is given to the female nonJW's beliefs or desires.

    That places your husband in a tenuous position. Combined with the honeymoon stage he's probably in, I don't think that the conversion attempts will end soon.

    I think that it is nothing less than rude though to have the bible study forced into your home. Does your husband expect you to ready the house for this event? I hope not. You mention that it makes you uncomfortable, but that it is his house as well. Do you have somewhere else you and the children could go during this time? You may consider that.

    I'd just like to reinforce that JW/nonJW marriages can and do work, there's just a lot more to work through. No doubt that you are experiencing a lot of pain, anger and sadness--and I truly hope that it will fade. I think it can with open communication between you and your partner, even if his religious persuasion does not change, but it takes a lot of work from both sides.

    Wishing the two of you the best, feel free to vent anytime, it isn't healthy to keep all of this bottled up inside--not for you, your children, or your marriage.

    Good luck,

    PS. Isn't there a WT or A! article relating how one JW "witnesses" loudly to a householder's dog, leading the householder to begin a study due to what he/she "overheard"? Probably the same thing going on with the study in your home.

    The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson

    edited to add PS and fix a sentence that was reading the complete opposite of what I meant.

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