Great thread am enjoying it ! Am somewhat of a MGTOW so this is fun reading. It was once alluded to in the hall during comments that there was a eunuch in the hall ( me ) I WAS NOT VERY PLEASED to sas the least. I have my reasons for having stayed single, but am open or marriage if ever the right one comes along. In my early fifties I have less to loose as my assets are mine earned by me ( cannot be divorced out of my home and savings )
Why JW marriage is a huge problem for the organization.
by kneehighmiah 88 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Introvert 2
Apognophos 5 months ago
Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, and the reason why all the JWs that are single seem unattractive is that their JW essense is to you, (or whoever) just unattractive! Not about looks, but about whether a whole person 'attracts' another person. It is easy to see the "pretty" in a person who is unavailable. Most of us can observe the pretty face and move on, dismissing them. When a person meets a prospective mate, 'attractive'is about a lot more than looks.
JWs don't like JWs. They don't want to be married to one. They may not even like themselves. They probably think they are unworthy of anyone as good as they want in anycase. If the brothers you know are not seeeing any attractive single sisters, it is because they simply don't want to be married to a JW. Objectively, there are a lot of pretty single JW women. And men. And froggy ones, too. But what sane person wants to marry into that mess?
A pretty,yet pious JW is kind of like a frosted turd. And while we often make wrong decisions with marriage mates, most have SOME instincts for survival. Being a JW destroys the sense of self and destroys our trust and faith in others to have anything good in them, either. It is the guilty folks that suspect others of dishonesty the most. Same principle applies. NOt about actual guilt, but the sense that we are just unworthy and undeserving of anything good. You get told that enough, you believe it.
For the first time since I've joined this forum, I'm quoting the entirety of someone else's post. JWdaughter said something profound here that I don't want overlooked. I've known a ton of pretty, single, spiritual sisters in my time as a Witness -- some incredibly beautiful -- and I never desired to get to know any of them. I didn't know why. I just felt like it would be a really bad idea to get married for some reason. Since marriages are forever in JW Land (unless adultery occurs), it would mean a commitment that I couldn't take back, and something told me that this would be a huge mistake, no matter who I married. I told myself that the reason I resisted the idea of commitment was that, as an imperfect human, I couldn't be sure that I would make a good choice in finding a mate that I would then be stuck with for an infinite amount of time in the new system.
Looking back, things are finally becoming clear for me. I understand now that the one attribute all these girls had in common which made them undesirable was the very thing I thought I admired in them: their spirituality. If they hadn't been sincere about the religion then I would not have respected them, because I hate two-faced people. So yes, I respected these sisters for taking the religion seriously and for dressing modestly and giving good talks, etc.... but they all just seemed eminently unmarriageable. I didn't know why until now. I think one part of it was JWdaughter's suggestion that I just felt unworthy to be with anyone that I would actually want as a marriage mate. I also think it's because, if I married a Witness, I would have been committing to not just her, but the religion, and there was a little voice in my head warning me not to.
Great post above, and now it's a four fold cord : you, your wife, Jehovah and Big Daddy Government. No thanks !! Never wanted children anyhow, being single is how I stay safe. I'll wait it out a few more years and find someone at least a decade younger.
-
WasOnceBlind
I have a friend who is in a kind of similar situation. He is a good looking guy, in fact as teenagers all the girls had crushes on him, the problem is that he is caught in the border. He is a JW and won't date non JW, but he is not spiritual enough (if at all) for any single JW out there. Even if he were to marry a JW, I fear the marriage would be doomed just because of how non spiritual he is. But at the same time he won't date/marry a non JW for fear of disfellowship. -
LisaRose
But at the same time he won't date/marry a non JW for fear of disfellowship.
It's not a disfellowshiping offence, unless they have changed recently. Maybe he just doesn't want to commit and is using this as an excuse.
-
breakfast of champions
Take a look at the 2014 Pew survey.
You'll realize why this-- and a host of other issues, particularly MONEY-- have become problematic for our favorite cult.
-
talesin
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?????
Indeed, John Aquila .... and as more women get money and power, we'll see more of *this*.
-
zeb
I have mentioned this before but its my experience that jw in their young years are a good two years behind their 'worldly' peers in mental, social development. This is something that never seems to catch up but I add I ceased to involve myself above pleasant greetings a long time ago. Once married as some one said its often,
"and pumping out babies " because contraception is having sex for enjoyment that's a gb no-no.
The rush of babies and the loss of the wifes income (if she had one) in setting themselves up throws a huge financial burden on the young man to keep it all together. The wt unlike other religions offers no practical support for job seekers is against education above the minimum and demands more and more and more. None of this bodes well for any new couple. Here there is another snake in the woodpile. Its the sisters who convince the new bride she must have a better car (for witnessing of course) and she rapidly descends into a competition to have this that and extra as "Sister" has. Given the integral put downs that are part of jw world its a wonder any marriages survive at all. Perhaps only that couples after their early marriage shock learn swiftly to think and tell the dragon class and the self-righteous class to F*** off and decide what will be their level of involvement, day care, jobs or take that booked holiday even if it conflicts with the dc. and not tell anyone!
As congs age and fewer people are coming in the marrying in prospects will go from sparse to bleak.
I wrote to the wt a generation ago suggesting that congs be mixed up for conventions city cong with rural, as the same people were seeing the same people and frankly there was occurring a form of in-breeding out of these conventions. But at that stage despite my qualifications and experience I was yet to learn the wt does not like anyone to think don't like suggestions and NEVER considered anyone's personal happiness.
happy to receive comments
Peace
-
StrongHaiku
OP - Why JW marriage is a huge problem for the organization...
I think that the fundamental problem is that the Organization (and society at large) indoctrinates people to think in sexist and misogynistic way. As long as the thinking is that women were created for men's pleasure, or treated as second-class citizens, or to fulfill a "role" you will always have a problem.
-
Witness 007
Witness girls...toooo much work and hardship. I just finished de-programing my wife...it took 4 years of tactful coaching. -
aintenoughwiskey
The skewed numbers and mind control qualifications of a TM3 approved marriage mate makes JW dating a minefield. My wife often says the only good thing to come out of the Borg for her, was me. I feel the same way about her. We are both average looks people, not overweight, or sloppy about appearance. My love and appreciation for her qualities has only deepened over the years, my goal is to grow old with her. When I look back, it was just dumb luck on my part to find such a partner! A cautionary tale for those looking for beauty only. A fairly good looking JW man meets and weds a very beautiful JW girl. He was a 7, 8 on a good day. She was a stone cold fox, a 10 waking up with morning breath. All is well for a few years. Then not so much, she meets a non-JW guy, started doing the horizontal bop. They cooked up a plan to empty their respective bank accounts and run off to paradise. He backed out at the last minute and went back to his wife. She took her own life. Not to say beautiful woman can't be faithful, but with the constant propositions and knowledge she can have most men, most of the time. coupled with the normal ups and downs of a relationship? I prefer to sleep at night!
