I wonder If kneeehighmiah is as attractive as the women he thinks he deserves? I've been out a while, but when I was a JW there were quite a lot of attractive women who couldn't find a mate, at least not one who they were willing to get involved with. I think that attractiveness is a part of what makes you desire someone, but it isn't all, or shouldn't be.
Why JW marriage is a huge problem for the organization.
by kneehighmiah 88 Replies latest jw friends
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Vidiot
"...marriage mate..."
Jeezus, I hate that term.
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Crazyguy
20 plus years ago when i was still looking me and the guys would travel to different circuits different states and even some went to different countries like in central america. Most girls that were attractive looking or otherwise were engaged by the time they were 16 or 17 making it very difficult (I didn't want someone so young). In Fact the saying was if they were still single by the time they were 20-21 then something was wrong with them. Unfortunately there was a lot of things wrong with all the sisters. A lot of sexual abuse and other types of abuses, most girls were truly broken so Sad. I'm sure and did see a lot of guys with problems too but it seemed like the girls got it worse. The Cult is broken from the ground up and the young ones today it must be a nightmare.
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Vidiot
Crazyguy - "In fact the saying was if they were still single by the time they were 20-21 then something was wrong with them."
Pretty common attitude in patriarchal subcultures, actually.
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Heaven
Years ago there was an extremely attactive woman in my parent's congregation. She was browbeaten for being beautiful. The elders were constantly telling her she was dressing too sensually, etc. But regardless of how much dowdy dressing she wore, her beauty overcame it and the Witnesses didn't know how to deal with it. She was married with children as well. Not sure if she is still in as I believe they moved away.
To the comment about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, I can verify that. I have been told I am pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, attractive as well as ugly, overweight, and unattractive. * Heaven shrugs her shoulders * . Whatever.
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adjusted knowledge
Because of this religion I had dificulties being with women. I was officially out at age 21 but began my fade around 19. I ended up dating a very attractive woman because of how I would be perceived and thought the sex would be better. However she was so dishonest, her family were liars and criminals, and I was miserable. I later took my father's advice which was when looking for a mate look at her family. When I met my wife she was not the most physically attractive but she was honest and loving. She is beautiful in my eyes. Also even though her family in the Philippines are very poor, they never once asked me for money. They treat me like a honor guest when I visit. So much more to a relationship then looks. Five years later I gained 50lbs, lost some hair, gained hair in strange places, and have had a few medical problems. So glad my wife wasn't shallow like I was in my 20's. hmmm unless she is slowly poisoning me but I think it may be I eat too much KFC for the reason I have physically changed
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DATA-DOG
Well said on both counts, TD!!
I would never re-marry in the ORG. Not even for a perfect 10. The perfunctory GB approved sex with a goddess, would be worse than perfunctory sex with a "regular" girl. My wife is cute, but she falls prey to the dowdy syndrome. She has no goals for her long term fitness, has no clue how to act sexy ( I guess she feels she doesn't need to, I don't know..) she thinks being frumpy will make her irresistible.
Like TD said, I am in a legally binding friendship. The nice thing about getting older is that I don't care about sexual matters that much. Once every couple of months is fine with me. It's usually her idea and with the lights off it doesn't matter. Also, I do love her, I just wish she could be free and be herself.
I think the real problem in the ORG is that people are not allowed to be themselves. So you don't know who you are getting involved with. I include myself in that statement. My wife had no idea who I really was, or what issues I had. We would have figured it out without the guilt-tripping from the ORG. Anyway, you see what a JW projects to the congregation. You don't see the real person because the real person is so "sinful" that they must be locked away. Well, that person comes out sooner or later. Many dubs cannot handle that. They turn to food, meds, alcohol, ect. They realize the END ain't coming and they are stuck with someone in a legally binding friendship.
Sure you can get out, but that carries its own stigma.
DD
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prologos
DATA-DOG for died-in-the-wool jws, they realize, if the end came, they would be stuck with that person eternally, in a legally binding COVENANT (to use this week's new light phrase).
bsw, using that wt proposition, you could just marry anyone, tough it out until past Armageddon, then an ever more perfect mate would be in you arms, with all their perfect charms.
The choosy ones really show they have no confidence in wt promises.
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Powermetal4ever
This sounds exactly like me!! So you single brothers out there, now you know who to contact :D
In my opinion the best mate for a JW is a 'casual' brother or sister. Better yet look for a bystander witness.....they stand around but don't get involved.
They arrive late for the meeting. They don't show up for FS very often. At assemblies they don't waste time listening to the talks they get up often and prowl. They make a statement with their grooming and cloths. They will look you in the eye and elsewhere.
If they have returned from a vacation their tan is noticeable. If you ask them how did they like visiting the local KH while on vacation they look at you like your crazy.
They work or go to school full time. They never read the publications and seldom open their bibles to follow along with the speaker.
They never say 'amen'.
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kneehighmiah
I already know physical attractiveness isn't the most important thing. I've dated a very physically attractive girl a few years ago and she is the only girl I've ever dated that I'm not still friends with. Actually she's not really friends with anyone. Also the most physically attractive women I know have been in the worst relationships. I'm not talking about only physical things here. I'm talking about being sexy, dressing well having intelligent conversation goals and taking care of health. Physical attractiveness is still important too. But it's interesting that the people I knew who are still married including my brother had to go to different cities to find decent sisters to marry. Those who stayed local have gotten divorced at a high rate. part of this I believe is because of controlling peoples clothing choices and stopping people from getting educated. Being a pioneer doesn't make up for being frumpy, way overweight, boring and lacking ambition and drive at age 22-25. All girls are not like that obviously. But we always joked that the ones who were most worldly were the best. Now I date worldly girls and dating is way easier. And sisters feel the same way about brothers. I've sister told me she's not attracted to jw guys. Another inactive girl told me most jw guys she dated were full of crap. Then on dates I've talked to one worldly girl who dated a witness previously and her friends had as well. she only had negative things to say. I feel like most JWs would marry worldly people of they could. Being JW does not make you more attractive in any sense.