Why JW marriage is a huge problem for the organization.

by kneehighmiah 88 Replies latest jw friends

  • Apognophos
    Apognophos

    Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, and the reason why all the JWs that are single seem unattractive is that their JW essense is to you, (or whoever) just unattractive! Not about looks, but about whether a whole person 'attracts' another person. It is easy to see the "pretty" in a person who is unavailable. Most of us can observe the pretty face and move on, dismissing them. When a person meets a prospective mate, 'attractive'is about a lot more than looks.

    JWs don't like JWs. They don't want to be married to one. They may not even like themselves. They probably think they are unworthy of anyone as good as they want in anycase. If the brothers you know are not seeeing any attractive single sisters, it is because they simply don't want to be married to a JW. Objectively, there are a lot of pretty single JW women. And men. And froggy ones, too. But what sane person wants to marry into that mess?

    A pretty,yet pious JW is kind of like a frosted turd. And while we often make wrong decisions with marriage mates, most have SOME instincts for survival. Being a JW destroys the sense of self and destroys our trust and faith in others to have anything good in them, either. It is the guilty folks that suspect others of dishonesty the most. Same principle applies. NOt about actual guilt, but the sense that we are just unworthy and undeserving of anything good. You get told that enough, you believe it.

    For the first time since I've joined this forum, I'm quoting the entirety of someone else's post. JWdaughter said something profound here that I don't want overlooked. I've known a ton of pretty, single, spiritual sisters in my time as a Witness -- some incredibly beautiful -- and I never desired to get to know any of them. I didn't know why. I just felt like it would be a really bad idea to get married for some reason. Since marriages are forever in JW Land (unless adultery occurs), it would mean a commitment that I couldn't take back, and something told me that this would be a huge mistake, no matter who I married. I told myself that the reason I resisted the idea of commitment was that, as an imperfect human, I couldn't be sure that I would make a good choice in finding a mate that I would then be stuck with for an infinite amount of time in the new system.

    Looking back, things are finally becoming clear for me. I understand now that the one attribute all these girls had in common which made them undesirable was the very thing I thought I admired in them: their spirituality. If they hadn't been sincere about the religion then I would not have respected them, because I hate two-faced people. So yes, I respected these sisters for taking the religion seriously and for dressing modestly and giving good talks, etc.... but they all just seemed eminently unmarriageable. I didn't know why until now. I think one part of it was JWdaughter's suggestion that I just felt unworthy to be with anyone that I would actually want as a marriage mate. I also think it's because, if I married a Witness, I would have been committing to not just her, but the religion, and there was a little voice in my head warning me not to.

  • TD
    TD
    ARE YOU REALLY THAT SHALLOW?

    Attraction is not purely physical as some have pointed out, but without it, the relationship is not much more than a legally binding friendship.

    Marriage is more than that, or at least it's supposed to be.

  • sparrowdown
    sparrowdown

    Trouble finding an attractive mate?

    Try wearing your beer "goggles", after a few beers anyone can appear attractive.

    Ladies, are you a three or four beer kind of attractive?

  • sparky1
    sparky1

    There is nothing SHALLOW about looking for an attractive mate. What I find shallow is kneehighmiahs using his own SUBJECTIVE standard of beauty and attractiveness in order to judge the female Witnesses that he has come across in his lifetime and crying and complaining that none of them meet his standard of beauty. It smacks of blaming the victim! There are nearly 8 million Witnesses worldwide. Surely some sister somewhere on the planet could meet his expectation of physical beauty. I only hope that if he meets her she finds him just as attractive. Otherwise he will be $hit out of luck.

    kneehighmiah is asking himself the WRONG question. He should not be asking 'why are there no attractive, available women in the Jehovahs Witness religion?'. He should be asking himself, WHY IS IT THAT I CANNOT FIND SOMEONE THAT I FIND PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE AMONG WOMEN IN THE JEHOVAH'S WITNESS RELIGION?.

  • TD
    TD

    A person who overestimates their own attractiveness is doomed to a lonely life. I'm not sure there's any greater (Or more appropriate) punishment that could be meted out.....

  • RubaDub
    RubaDub

    My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.

    True ...

    Beauty is only skin deep.

    But ugly goes to the bone.

    Rub a Dub

  • OneGenTwoGroups
    OneGenTwoGroups

    Plenty of hot chicks in my congregation. Plenty.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    The longer I was in the cult, the more unhappy marriages I knew the details of. Since I was already unhappy as a single guy, I didn't see marriage as something that would improve my life.

  • sowhatnow
    sowhatnow

    well, the rumor i heard was that you cant get disfellowshipped for marrying a non jw but only for premarital sex.

    so feel free to date anyone you wish, just be pure in heart about it. if your a loving person, and wish to find a lovely wife do so, whose buisness it is to follow you around anyway?

    no ones. dont settle, and regret your marraige. many of us have.

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    I have seen one or two absolute stunners -but there are not many.

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