PEER PRESSURE!!! I gave in to Pioneering during August...I feel dirty...

by stuckinarut2 90 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • stuckinarut2

    OK, I'll admit it...I am weak...

    As everyone knows, the pressure to "pioneer" during "the most momentous, awesome, amazing, centenary anniversay of Jesus invisble kigdom rule, & distribute tracts about a dodgy website" campaign is very strong at the moment...

    Also, many will have read my threads about the extreme views and expectations in our cong for "All appointed men to Pioneer" etc....

    EVERY Elder and MS and THEIR FAMILIES have been announced as pioneering....I mean EVERYONE'S name was read out except mine....

    I WAS NOT GOING TO DO IT, as I do not believe anyone should be forced...(and of course its the last thing on earth I would rather do anyway since learning TTATT)

    BUT I am not quite ready to make the break yet, so I realised that I would stand out more if I didnt put in a form to pioneer. Yes it would make me more conspicious, and make fading harder to do...It would bring more HEAT on me if I didnt pioneer.

    SO I GAVE IN and submitted a form...

    Now, of course, I'm only going to make sure I'm seen at the key field service groups etc...but then go and do something more count blades of grass....

    Ahh....I feel hypocritical to Myself now.....

  • stillin

    What can be done for somebody like you? Really, really stuckinarut! That rut is really a grave with the ends kicked back a little.

  • bafh

    Don't be too hard on yourself. You have to fade slowly and in such a way that will allow people to regard you as weak rather than dangerous. I totally get it because I have done it too. I didn't give in to peer pressure about pioneering, but I did give in to peer pressure to attend part of the convention. I did it so they would not think I'm dangerous. Of course now, they told me "they have hope" about me. SIGH.

    Anyway, think of it as a game. Sometimes you have to make moves that don't look like you are going for the goal so you can draw attention away from yourself and sneek away. Pretend you are an international spy of some kind. Don't beat yourself up, and try to have fun. That is what I'm trying to do.

    Chins up.


  • stuckinarut2

    I know 'stillin'... I hear you...

    Thanks BAFH

    I am already in the spotlight / heat / magnifying glass etc...

    I could have easilly argued it with the elders and quoted scriptures like "not do anything under compulsion" and "god loves a cheerful giver" and "let not your right hand know what your left is doing" etc...

    I could have easilly argued and said "you DONT know my personal circumstances....we can NOT put demands on others etc"

    BUT, I just need to buy a little more time.....Fading doesnt mean going "cold turkey"

  • NewYork44M

    Don't punish yourself - at least not yet. Your punishment will be in August when you actually pioneer. I hope you have figure out the round of numbers routine to help make your hours count. And besides, what are the required hours now to pioneer - 30? You can get those done before noon on a Saturday morning.

  • sporece

    You know best how to handle your situation in your congr..... fade at your own pace.

    What a waste to pioneer and invite people to check a website, just as bad as inviting people to a convention 400 miles away.

  • a watcher
    a watcher

    LOL! I still believe it's the Truth and I'm an active publisher, but I still didn't go to the RC nor am I pioneering in August.

    No angst for me.

  • Magnum

    I agree with the comments above. Don't be too hard on yourself. You know your situation and circumstances better than anyone else. Just be glad that you're not one of the completely assimilated, totally hypnotized and brainwashed drones who can't recognize all the things that we see wrong with the JW religion.

  • ruderedhead

    You're doing what you have to do, and it sounds like you have a good plan. If this makes it easier for you to fly under the radar, than so be it.

    Hope you have some fun as well!

  • jam

    stuckinarut2: have fun with it. Make sure you take a few doors alone,

    and then tell the householder, you and your children, husband, father and

    mother will be bunrt to a crisp because are not a JW.. I know we

    have warn people before about a dozen time but this time we

    are for real. And how do we know this, Jehovah told us.

    Have a good day.

    Well thinking about this , it may not be a good idea.

    Someone might punch you in the face...

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