Former Long Time Elder: Why I am still in

by James Jackson 88 Replies latest jw friends

  • lisaBObeesa
    lisaBObeesa

    IMO, Jehovah's Witnesses are not taught to have morals, they are taught to follow rules. They are taught that being moral means following all the WT rules, even when the WT rules are very immoral.

    For example, a Jehovah's Witness will completely shun a fellow human being, even their own child or parent. Treat the person right in front of them as if they don't exist, like they were dead. This is not moral. This is not Christian. This is not love. But they have been taught that it is!

    I think JWs actually have LESS morals than other people and I think they are not able to really tell what is right and wrong, what is loving and what is unloving.

    This is all because they have been taught to follow rules instead of taught to BE LOVING and to follow their God-given conscience.

    Also I believe that being raised a JW is not developmentally healthy for an adolescent.

    The developmental needs of adolescents are not met in the Org. Each stage of human development has certain needs, and these needs must be met for development to proceed in a healthy way. Infants need to learn to trust and to feel secure. Preschoolers need to practice doing things on their own (I can pour the milk myself!) School age kids need to DO stuff (bike ride, build models, play house, whatever) JWs can raise very developmentally healthy children, up to this point.
    But adolescents have needs, too. They NEED to try out identities (am I a preppy person? A rocker? An athlete?). They NEED to feel connected to a wide variety of peer groups to do it. They try out different clothes, music and friends. They need to question their beliefs and look for reasons for beliefs. JW parents who insist on following the JW rules cannot allow their children to meet these developmental needs. I believe forcing an adolescent to live by WT rules is abusive and damaging to their development.

    Failure to successfully develop an identity of their own leads to great difficulties in adulthood...'identity diffusion' =a self that is not fully developed or defined, not able to 'find' themselves or their direction in life, 'stuck' in the questions of adolescence

    or 'identity foreclosure' =“Identity foreclosed individuals have committed themselves to values and goals without taking time to explore alternatives. Instead, they accept a ready-made identity that authority figures (usually parents but sometimes teachers, religious leaders, or romantic partners) have chosen for them. Foreclosed individuals tend to be dogmatic, inflexible, and intolerant. Some use their commitments in a defensive way, regarding any difference of opinion as a threat. Most are afraid of rejection by people on whom they depend for affection and self-esteem (Frank, Pirsch, & Wtight, 1990: Kroger, 1995).”

    Just as a baby must crawl at a certain time, an adolescent must explore the world, make some of his own choices and decide what he believes. The JW faith does not allow this.

  • Bugbear
    Bugbear

    As a father of 6 children and a formerly elder, I can tell you that when the time comes, your child/children will make no use of your Christian indoctrination. Every intelligent creature takes influences from all people including classmates, teachers, other good friends, and then they will decide for themselves what is right or wrong.

    All my children has passed high schools and some of them even University degrees. None of them become a JW, this to their mothers grieves. (This to my relieve). None of them lack moral or etic thoughts (Quite the opposite).

    I think that so called Christian ethics, is very doubtful, and personally I believe that we could have spared us millions of lives and tragedies if we have loosened a little bit of our “Christian” doctrines.

    Bugbear

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    JW's kids having better morals than "worldly" ones is a total fallacy promulagated by the society. Kids brought up in that dispicable cult end up with neuroses and resent their upbringing. Knowing the TATT and forcing your kids to stay is tantamount to abuse.

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland

    "Jehovah's Witnesses are not taught to have morals, they are taught to follow rules."

    Lisa, you've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly true.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    So many places I want to go with my comments but I will stick with the basics.

    If a doctor tells a person to eat healthier and include nuts in his diet, and that person sees that the local ice cream parlor puts a handful of nuts on their three-scoop banana split with chocolate, caramel, strawberry syrup, whipped cream and cherries, should he eat several banana splits to get the nuts he needs?

    There's too many problems for kids (as already mentioned) to raise them as JW'S. Teach them core values without the blind obedience without questioning. Let them interact with the "world" with guidance instead of trying to keep them in a bubble that will burst sooner or later. Let them keep birthdays and sports and college and genuine charitable works.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    And if you really believe there's something wrong with Watchtower, anything at all- just wait until your child grows to discover you dragged him to all those meetings to teach him about premarital sex and staying out of gangs but ALL THE REST was bullshit.

    You may find that child / young adult has lost all trust in his parent.

  • slimboyfat
    slimboyfat

    The main things most young people learn growing up as JWs are how to lead a double life, lie about who they really are, and feel guilty about normal things like masturbation, getting close to the opposite sex and socialising. Hardly values you'd want to instil in anyone.

  • TotallyADD
    TotallyADD

    When you talk about Wt. morals remember they are very twisted. For example I remember when I was a teenager and a school mate ask me what I believed. I told him in a nut shell that Jehovah was going to destroy everyone on the earth except JW's because everyone is bad and Jehovah hates them for it. He looked at me in shock and said his chruch taught him to believe that Jesus loves all of us no matter who they are and we should show love to all. As a JW teenager I could not understand fully what he was talking about. Now I understand. He worship a God of love I worship a God of hate. What lisaBObeesa said makes alot of sense to me only because I lived through what she spoke about. As far as morals come for each of us I feel at a certain point in our young lifes we pretty much decide for ourselves what we consider good and bad by what we was taught as children and live by those rules for most of our lifes. Except so many here most likely have modified those morals. As a JW's it was morally wrong to have birthdays, X-mas or going to vote and so on. We changed our moral perspective. So why would we want to stay in a morally twisted reglion one that thinks child abuser can change and keep that subject hush, hush because it will bring reproach on Jehovah's name. When you really look at the conflicting thinking going on in the WT why would we want to be part of that? I know waht you are going through is very, very hard. I hope this will give you something to think about. Totally ADD

  • flipper
    flipper

    JAMES- What DESIGNS said. And LISA' O ' BEESA'S statement, " Jehovah's Witnesses are not taught to have morals, they are taught to follow rules. " She is dead on correct in that statement. I was born-in and raised a JW , exited 10 years ago at age 44 finally. I finally have freedom of mind and sanity in my life these last 10 years. The reason your first child went crazy wasn't due to not following WT Society rules , it was probably because those rules of the WT Society DROVE him crazy due to the sheer control and manipulation of his or her life.

    As others have stated you can raise a child successfully with core values, principles, and morals WITHOUT JW influence or even religious influence. Happens all the time in well adjusted families in the REAL world

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    As a teenager being raised in this religion, I learned what not to say to my parents. There were many things I did not discuss with them. I secretly had my own views and thoughts. There were some things happening to me that I did not tell them. This religion shuts down true relationships.

    I put together my plan of escape. I knew once I graduated high school, I WAS going to go to 'higher education', and it was going to be away from home.

    While still living in my parent's home, I got real busy working, doing my farm chores, and studying. I had very little time as I grew older for the religion. I couldn't wait to leave home. And when I graduated, that's exactly what I did.

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