Former Long Time Elder: Why I am still in

by James Jackson 88 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sayswho

  Terry...

  • If your child leaves the religion, then they are forced in later life to develop the boundaries that they should have developed during adolescence. When I left, I realised that everything I thought had been dictated by leaders that I no longer trusted. Therefore, I had no idea what my stance was on anything. I am in more 40's and my new friends find me quite interesting in that I behave like I am in my 20's.

  This is a very insightful comment! I am also someone who has had to deal with as a awaken adult.

  Sw
• 

  nugget

  The morals you speak of are wrapped in layers of conditioning and isolation from peers. This makes JW children ill educated and ill equipped for life in general, socially awkward and conflicted. The seperation causes them immense pain, low self esteem and stress.

  People are capable of being moral without a cult telling them to be so. They learn more from the example you set. If you know that the doctrine is a lie and yet you force your child to attend, what are you teaching them? If you encourage them to follow rules without any sound religious principle and merely to make them acceptable to a group then what sort of parent are you? If you are prepared to step back and let people who cannot make a moral decision for themselves raise your child for you then be prepared that the child may choose to abandon your religion and you and they may also resent that you didn't fight for them and their mental wellbeing.

  There are better things than raising a child in a cult. Giving them a chance to make unconditional friends, reach their full potential in arts, sports, education. Helping them grow into happy, confident, reasoning and moral adults is far more rewarding than passively doing nothing.
• 

  wasblind

  whatever happened to Elderelite?_____Jookbeard

  Don't know. But he's missed
• 

  BizzyBee

  Morals, ethics, principles - usually stem not from a set of rules and threats, but from respect for oneself and respect for others.

  I never found that JWs instilled that type of respect.

  Like most cults, they first tear down the individual in order to rebuild them in the desired image. You're constantly told you're not good enough, not doing enough, always falling short of the mark. Your natural desire for friends, recreation, school, learning, entertainment, and your natural curiosity about the world around you - all the things that build self-esteem - are thwarted at every turn and you're made to feel guilty about even having those desires.

  They teach suspicion, distrust and avoidance of everyone else in your life - they cut off the "exits."
• 

  Tiktaalik

  James Jackson: that is the most ridiculous reason you could possibly come up with - to stay in the wts because it will provide moral guidance for your child.

  It won't. It will just mess your child up.
• 

  clarity

  James .... this is the intent of KH learning........

  >

  (Watchtower, June 1, 1953, p. 350 par. 24). 24 In these closing days of wickedness Jehovah’s people must demonstrate holiness. They must not foul their minds with the filthy mental food on the propaganda tables of this old world, but must feed on the feast of fat things Jehovah provides. (Isa. 25:6; 28:8)Minds must be cleansedand made over, mental circuits formed by old-world thinking and acting faded out and new ones put in according to new-world specifications.

  BTW it is a group of men, most never had children, who are

  making up all these "new world specifications"!
• 

  I quit!

  I have to agree with OnTheWayOut, JWfacts and Lisa and others. You don't need the Watchtower or for that matter any other religion to be a good moral person. Many of my atheist or agnostic friends have as good if not better morals than I do. Once you know it is a load of BS you need to figure out a plan of escape and get out. It might not happen overnight but you need to get out of there. The problem with faking being a JW is that in the long run you are doing harm to yourself and others. What happens if you son needs a blood transfusion? Do you tell him to go to college or to pioneer? If you don't believe it do you tell your son not to go in field service or do you allow him to waste his time trying to convert others? There is always the possibilty that he may find some poor suckers and draw the in. How would you feel about that? How do you react when some one new comes to the hall? Do you tell them to run like hell or say how pleased you are to see them here? I know others will disagree with me here but I really don't see how anyone can remain a JW once the know it is all a lie without harming themselves and others.
• 

  Tech49

  James, I would like to chime in here, as we are both new here, and to this whole experience.

  My 2 kids are both teens and I struggle with the same feelings as you. Here's my take on it all:

  As someone else mentioned, you should have ALREADY instilled morality in your kids. No doubt, you have. But there is, as was already mentioned, a big difference between morals and rules, especially when those rules come from men, many of whom don't have the best interests of your family in mind, and many who have NEVER EVEN HAD KIDS! Forcing rules on our kids does more damage than good, and hiding reality from them turns them into ill-equipped stepford-children. Anyone can make rules, but it's up to you to DECIPHER those rules and turn them into catalysts that form new adults.

  So take everything with a grain of salt, meditate on it, let it sink in, then CAREFULLY plan your actions based on WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY. What's best for me and mine may not work for you and yours. Visa Versa.

  I know that, for me, to drop a "change-bomb" on my family right now would have terrible consequences. I have taught my children morality, and will never stop teaching them how to be honest, forgiving, caring people. They are truly wonderful young adults, very caring, incredibly smart, and yet very observant. But now, my focus is on teaching them HOW TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES. Present information to them in a way that will teach them to be analytical, to ask questions, and to make sure that things just "make sense". Their young minds have not been subjected to propoganda and b.s. for nearly as long as ours, so the clean-up process will be somewhat easier, especially with someone like yourself to "captain" thier ships, as long as you keep your eyes clear and focused.

  Someone posted a link for me in another post of an elder's experience in de-programming his family, thru critical, analytical thinking and reasoning by means of Family Study times. (Maybe someone can repost that link for James).

  I was impressed with his ability to understand that this is NOT a quick process,..... remember, it took you and your family YEARS to get where you are, it will take just as much time to get where you are going. Don't be swayed by some of the negative comments here.... alot of folks here are hurting, have been hurt, and can't fathom the responsibility you have. Everyone's circumstances are different, and none are less important or trivial by any means. You'll get there, my friend.

  Wish you all the best,

  Jack Harper, Tech49
• 

  earthfire

  James I understand the reasoning but personally I'd think your child would really have reason to look up to you with respect if you were to explain why you don't believe any longer. Kids are so smart and they're already doing a lot of thinking for themselves. My concern for you would be if you keep up with appearances and FS then there's a good chance that your child will stay in even if you don't. It's more risky IMO to live the lie than it is to raise a child outside of a religion. After all, it's definitely not religion that makes us good people. It's the daily choices we make and the way you can help your son/daughter is to lead by example with integrity. I'd suggest getting them involved in the community volunteering with the local animal shelter or something like that. That way they can learn about being responsible for another life, etc. there are soooo many opportunities out there that whatever your kid is interested in hobby wise, environmentally, animals, there's some way to get involved. It's when kids have nothing to do and no hope for the fixture that they get into trouble. Just my two cents.
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  smiddy

  The longer you leave your child exposed to this religous cult the more life damaging effects you are inflicting on him.He needs to use ,exercise his brain ,He needs to pursue his goals and desires and take advantage of the oppourtunities that are available to him .He is a teenager and he is going to make mistakes , they are learning curves of life , hopefully with guidance from parents the mistakes are minimal , but he needs the freedom to explore all possibilities available to him , without the negative restrictions imposed by a religion that wants to control your son.If you still strongly beleive in God ,he gave every individual a brain to use .With that brain we make choices , most times good sometimes not so good .However the WT wants you to only make decisicions that they have made for you restricting your freedom of choice.And how often over these past 100 + years have the had to make adjustments to their beleifs/predictions/expectations/prophecys/ etc.

  smiddy