Former Long Time Elder: Why I am still in

by James Jackson 88 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  lisaBObeesa

  In fact, for a child raised JW to successfully navigate adolescence (try out identities/ideas/beliefs) the child MUST either rebel against the JW rules or lead a double life.

  It is either that, or they don't successfully form an identity until far into adulthood (too bad for their marrage mate and too bad for their kids and too bad for them and all those confused years) or they don't successfully form an identity of their own at all. :(

  So if you are going to raise your kid in the Jehovah's Witness Org, you should hope they will rebel or lead a double life so that the can develop in a healthy way! Seems wrong, doesn't it? But this is the BEST you can hope for raising a teen with JW rules.

  And they will be out there, trying stuff out, with no parental guidance or help at all because they can't tell their parents anything about what they are really doing or thinking.

  It is also very painful and confusing for all involved, trust me on that.
• 

  cofty

  Teach your children how to think not what to think.

  Raising children in that cult is an appalling decision.
• 

  Ucantnome

  when i left the witnesses i was concerned about my kids.

  it worked out alright one has done a science degree and still believes in Christianity and the other has a degree in Theology.

  Both lead decent lives.
• 

  Rattigan350

  Something that is right is right because it is right, not because the Watchtower or the Bible says so.

  And vice versa.
• 

  James Jackson

  AS I said, we are much easier this child than the 1st one. Some over 30 years of indoctrination, plus multiple KM Schools is not something you get over easily or forget.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi James Jackson, If the only reason that you are still a JW is to raise a moral child, then I must agree with other posters that JWs are raised to follow rules and not to be moral. The WTBTS is so similar to the Pharisees and Sadduces of Jesus Christ's time. Why did Jesus Christ condemn the Pharisees and Sadduces (i.e., follow onerous rules) and foretell about the Holy Spirit (i.e., instill morals)?

  IMHO JWs learn to lie, deceive, and bend/break rules as much if not more than non-JWs. It is better to live a moral life and pass those morals to your children than to make your children follow the WTBTS's rules.

  Talking with a cult-exit counselor or reading Steve Hassan's books will help you a lot to overcome the WTBTS's induced phobias and indoctrination sooner than doing it on your own.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  Captain Obvious

  James,

  What happens when he grows up to be the good little JW you raised, only to shun you for your difference in viewpoint? Why take that risk because you're not confident enough in your own sense of values? JWs have a sense of structure, yes, but it is on another level. Do you want your kid to be a grown adult who views non Dubs as bird food? Do you want him to be unable to plan his future because he believes the big A is coming "soon"?

  IMHO the risk far outweighs the benefit. There are lots of ways to raise a child. Your personal set of values may not be the right fit for your kid! He will find his own. All you can do is guide him along the best you know how.

  WHY risk him ending up a JW? You're in a unique position to help guide your family away from this cult, don't drive them in!
• 

  nonjwspouse

  "Why did Jesus Christ condemn the Pharisees and Sadduces (i.e., follow onerous rules) and foretell about the Holy Spirit (i.e., instill morals)?"

  Thank you for that very insightful question. I am mentally filing that one away to be used at the appropriate moment.

  james jackson, my otherwise very good husband has a difficult time understanding how to be moral without following a rule. Thankfully he has been awa from it long enough that he has learned some of this. But when face d with studies again he was completely confused and suddenly thought himself to be a horrible person without morals because he had not been following the JW rules and attending meetings, been through baptism etc.

  I would ask him to explain his evil personality that he was going to "discard" and who was he going to replace that personality with? I wanted to know the details of the evil he was doning outside of the JWs. he was left unable to answer ( of course! He is a very good person)

  What he does have problem with is lying. He has no problem lying when he senses a disagreement or anything he would rather not admit, brewing. he will lie so well that for years I didn't recognise it. Once I began paying close attention I began calling him on his lies ( Usually they were minor but I called him on them, and each time reminded him how lying caused me not to believe him in the future...I felt like i was treating him like a child and hated that). He also has no concept of boundries. Plus he is having a deeply difficult time even expressing his needs and wants in life. ( this is contributing to his depression now)

  Raisng children in that mind control relgion isn't healthy at all. I was raied with morals, and not in the JW religion. It can be done in a healthy way.
• 

  Kojack57

  Hi James: I am a former elder with grandkids who got baptized at a young age and it caused me great pain to see that happen, knowing what I know

  About TTATT. But my daughter is still under the influence of the Cult and I'am trying to help her see the light. I remember a talk that was given about

  False religion which said if there were only a little poison in a glass of water, would you drink it? No, because it's still poisonous and it would eventually

  Kill you over time. Well, that's what's wrong with the WATCHTOWER ORGANIZATION. Research shows me that it's not a little poison mixed in with them

  But the whole glass is filled with poison.

  I don't have the option to direct my grandkids away from this disasterous Cult but you do have the option with your kids. My advise to you as a father

  And as a spiritual head is to protect them by keeping them away from this Cult. I know if I had the option and the say so, I would keep them away from

  This CULT at all cost for their physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.
• 

  Ucantnome

  James Jackson what do you believe?

  I believe in Christ. I stopped being a Witness because I couldn't agree with invisible presence of Christ in 1914. I have lived through a period of having ghosts in the house.

  I still studied the bible story book with my children when I left we made biblical charts. I think I was fortunate that mine were still young. Having said that I got through their teens. My daughter is a good looking girl. My son went away to University.

  The relationship I have with my children is so much better than the relationship my parents had with me and I was raised in the truth.

  If you need to stay in, stay. Do what you believe is right I think.