Former Long Time Elder: Why I am still in (page 8)

BizzyBee

I personally think he used the WTS rules & JW obedience-obsession to maintain control over us.

Good point, gorgia2. WTS rules and punishments allow parents a bit of a pass on actually engaging their children and guiding them through the difficult transition to adulthood. I recall my parents giving a stern look and pointing to the society as the ultimate authority - no questions allowed, only blind obedience.

But blindly compliant, coerced children should not be the goal of parenthood - it should be about raising good people who can think for themselves and have access to the resources they need to make good decisions.

Perhaps James wants to be sure his kid avoids the pitfalls of the teen years - drugs, pregnancy, gangs, crime, etc. - but the fact is, without a reality-based upbringing, other pitfalls await: a bad marriage, lack of education and job opportunities, and bitterness. And regret and resentment - some of which can be seen in this thread's posts.

Doubting Bro

James,

I understand what you're dealing with somewhat. I'm not sure the reason why you stay in is to teach your child morals because you could easily do that not being a JW. However, your leaving would have a dramtic impact on your family, right? What would happen to your marriage if you left?

Maybe I'm transferring my issues on to you but that's the thing that keeps me in. You have one son that is already out right? So you could have a frank conversation with him about why you no longer believe, apologize, etc. Depending on how old and what your relationship is with your other child, you may be able to have that same conversation. Is he/she baptized? If not, then your really can discourage that step.

How would your wife react? If she also has doubts, that may be an opportunity to leave with the only thing that really matters, your family.

gingerbread

The 'truth' can have a positive impact on family life - showing respect, getting along, standards for morality, honesty, working together, showing empathy, etc. But these qualities aren't the property of the WT publications. Many religions, communities...and families teach these same positive codes of conduct.

Having children grow up in this belief system makes the exit ten times more difficult. You have been very active and involved. I too once was - and raised kids in 'the truth.' It is the family's entire social circle. It takes time to reconstruct trust and faith. Leaving has repercussions. You can't avoid it. Like a divorce, when a family member exits it can turn everyone's world upside down.

Take your time. Talk a lot. Be honest. Express your feelings.

mrsjones5

I'm a born-in ad I hated being raised within the organization. I hated it more when I got myself on the outside. I hated it so much I swore I wouldn't raise my kids that way. I didn't want my kids to be weird jw kids like I was. I wanted them to be normal and have a normal life. I have four. Three boys and girl. Two are teens and one with be a teen come September. I think I've done pretty damn good. My kids are well mannered, respectful, polite, honest, and fun to be with. Hubby and I did that without the so-called benefit of the watchtower.

But they are kids who will make mistakes. Thankfully my kids don't have the added pressure of tattletales from the bOrg waiting for them to slip up and destroy thier lives.

Giordano

Jack Harper and James Brown did speak truth to you.

And yes this is how we treat one another be it a new poster or long time posters...... we debate and discuss. There were many truths in many comments.

This is not the KH where we love bomb a newby.......or hold up a reflection of our selves to make one another feel good. In this place you get the real deal. People who care about you but who still think for themselves and approach problems from many different angles.

You remember the story about the five blind wise men that went in search of god? They came apond an elephant and each embraced a different part. They spoke truthfully about the tusk, the tail, a leg, the trunk and the massive torso and all painted a slightly different picture. They weren't confused they simply told one another the truth as they knew it.

And they probably disagreed too.

Your mistaken if you don't think we understand your point of view........... we do. We understand perfectly that your between a rock and a hard place. We get that. Most of us have been where you are now. All of us want you and your entire family to remain together and at peace with one another as you find out how to live the rest of your lives.

In my post I specicily gave you no admonition about your son........ simply related the non bibical principles that formed our moral and ethical point of view so you could see if there was something of value that you could share with your son.

This is a kitchen of ideas and opinions and you know what they say about being in the kitchen.

not bitter

Good advice from lots of people here.

From experience - witness youth have the views of the WTS and their parents with regards to morals. They're not given the chance to develop their own morals from living life. Teenagers make mistakes whether JW or not.

JW youth form extreme views. They lack tolerance of others. They judge others. These are extremely dangerous qualities to have as an adult.

Also, I was talking to an ex-JW whom I've not seen for a few years and he told me that although his parents left the truth, he was very angry with them for not doing it earlier when he and his siblings were younger and still in school.

Heaven

Tech49 is the only one that really understands this feed!!! Thank You Jack Harper! I have literally given thousands of talk on how to raise your kids "Watchtower Style". I have only been in this forum for a month now. Is this how you treat newbies everyone? You go in attack mode because someone has a different take on an issue than you?

James, we are not attacking you but we are pointing out the flaws in your logic. You have chosen to take what you think is the safe or proper route and we are pointing out issues with this choice. The unfortunate thing is, you don't want to hear what we have to say because we aren't agreeing with you.

James Brown

When I escaped the witnesses in 83. My son was 10. I used the time I no longer spent on meetings and field service and spent it on and with my son. My number 1 responsibility.

I made sure he did his homework everynight before the televison came on. I encouraged him to play sports. I managed and coached his soccer and baseball teams and supported him in school wrestling. I made sure he was too busy to get involved in drugs or gangs.

I always spent time doing things with my son. I bought a ski boat and we water skied all the time. One year we skied on Thanksgiving, Christmass and New Years day.

thinking_not_believing

I felt so much anger reading this post i could not go about my day without replying. My teen years were so awful because of being a witness. My parents were not super hardcore but the guilt that i felt from having normal feelings (attraction to girls, wanting to have friends but thinking they were bad associations, etc.) was far too much for me to handle. In school they teach you to question everything and do not accept anything at face value. This lead to me having many doubts and so conflicted i nearly went crazy. I got baptized and went to homeschool so that i could pioneer and feel accepted somewhere (in the cult). This only made things worse for me. Upon graduating in turned to drugs and alcohol to console my lonely soul.

I finally escaped but growing up a witness had taught me absolutley nothing about being a man in this world. NOTHING!!! I feel so bad for your kids. If you want to give your kid a real headstart in life get him out NOW. Teach him about work and building credit. Teach him how to interact with people without judging them thinking they're all satan's spawn because they are not JW's. Teach him to sex is not a sin, its just nature. All the JW stuff is just BULLSHIT. (sorry simon)

PLEASE!

jgnat

I've seen the presentations to youth at the assemblies and I can say with certainty that JW youth are not taught morals. They are taught to stick with their own kind or risk death. "Worldly" children are invariably presented as bad influences, in to drugs and all sorts of immoral behavior. The lesson? It is not what you do but who you associate with.

BUT the children at the Kingdom Hall may be involved in binge drinking, partying, and all sorts of naughtiness. As long as they keep it amongst themselves (association) the parents keep a blind eye.

WHAT IF a Witness child gets addicted to drugs? Can she go to the parents and confess? Heavens, no! She won't get help; she'll be shunned!

This teaches the child to keep their bad behavior hidden, condemnation, and hopelessness. There is no help for a "sinner" in "Jehovah's" organization!

If you want to remain with the Witnesses through these formative years with your teenage childdren, I would suggest at the very least that you expand on your child's sense of morality by adding new teachings. Get the book, "Teach Your Child How to Think". Absolutely convince your child that nothing they may do could separate them for your love for them and no matter what trouble they get in to, you will be there to support them. You don't want your child to suffer from secret sin. I also suggest that you broaden your child's association from the Kingdom Hall, which can be clique-y, and have regular discussions on things their friends say and do and discuss if your child agrees with their behavior or not.

After all, it's not about who you associate with but what you do that counts...right?

Former Long Time Elder: Why I am still in

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