by cofty 93 Replies latest members private
"I realise now they wanted me to go and play happy families in front of all the extended non-JW family - then straight back to shunning as soon as the tea and sandwiches at Leith Docker's Club were finished. I can't do pretend."
That's it in a nutshell. It's to make them look good, and why would anyone want to play that game?
Good luck on your tests -- hoping all is well!
Thanks for all your helpful input.
oh cofty - have you really.
Fingers crossed. I guess the worst case scenario is they totally cut you out.
Oh dear. I'm at a loss for what to say.
thinking bout ya.
I have to admit I haven't read every page cofty . . . but your OP reminded me of the song "Living Years"
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thoughts
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talkin' in defense
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
I also agree with the sentiment being expressed here. Tell them how you see things and why . . . but maybe avoid anger or ultimatums. Help them to understand you. You have control over what you say . . . the outcome not so much. But it's the telling that's important.
Fifty I had no idea this thread was here. Lately I have felt exactly as you express in your opening coments. My mom called last Sunday because she heard there was an earthquake in my state. I avoided the call and refused to return it. I thought to myself, so my life has to be in danger or over for you to call. In that case, consider me and my family dead then. If you don't want to share our life then co sided us dead. I can't plat their childish games anymore. I've been out for 6 years now and have excused the shunning compassionately, but I think no more. She had both my brother's call me, I talked with them because they aren't active jws anymore. They are both still held hostage though, I am free. I've gradually shut down my emotions toward my parents and just have become apathetic. I haven't decided if I will express my decision to them.
Not sure how this letter will go over to a JW. I would of thrown in a couple comments of what Jesus said reguarding shunning and love then maybe ask the question do you not follow christ? Hope it goes well, shunning is in the top three things about this religion that makes me believe its of Satan.
I know you're very hurt by this horrible behavior, but please remember, it's the WTS who puts the screws to our loved ones. They muscle them into that behavior. It's not by choice.
If you want to be effective, in anyway, you have to be the smarter one. You HAVE to use psychology. If you go for the "in your face approach" you will only get hurt because they are brainwashed/brain-dead.
I would wait to cool off a bit before you do anything. When you're ready make a phone call. It's more personal and personable. You have to become the parent.....tell them you're calling to check in and see how they're doing. Call and send emails. If they give you slack, tell them that you worry about them and you have the right as a son to know how they're doing and it would be the loving thing for them to do.
Once they get the hang of you calling every so often....they'll slowly start letting their guard down. Hopefully they will later reciprocate calls checking in.
If you use any other excuse the repsonse you'll most likely get will be...."well, you know what the WTS says about associating or being friendly....blahha..blahha...blahhaaaaaa...
By them not staying in personal contact, they become desensitized, by WTS design. By you checking in they hear your warm voice, they see you haven't changed into a booggy man, their paternal feelings kick in. I took my own advice and slowly but surly seeing a difference.
Also *lost* has made a good point. There will soon be a WTS shitstorm in one way or the other! I can already see the change in my JW family members.
I think cofty's approach was correct and was vindicated. While the parents are suffering because they feel compelled to follow cult instructions, there is a parent inside and when a parent is confronted with a child telling them that their behaviour is deeply upsetting and unfair, I would hope most parents would react as cofty's did and that it might even cause them to think about whether they should be doing as instructed by the cult leadership. Cheers cofty - I wasn't aware of this background and that you have a serious illness - all the best and Merry Xmas
What many of you have not experienced or understand is that our loved ones have LOST critical thiking and have become desensitized. The WTS indoctrinates them to odey no matter what. If one tries to use ANY reasoning against the WTS it will fall on deaf ears.
Now if you use the approach that you're ill and it's unloving to ignore you, then I can see maybe making a dent because even the WTS tells JW when it comes to things of that sort they are supposed to watch over family memebers.......and even then HAVE LIMITIED CONTACT.
As soon as you mention ANYTHING against the WTS an immediate wall goes up....they are preconditoned for that to happen. The only way is using Steve Hassin techniques.....you have to be smarter......wiser.......more loving.......it takes a lot of stepping outside of yourself and your own personal emotion.
