In a previous thread I posted a copy of the letter that I sent to my parents stating my thoughts on their decision to shun for the past 17 years.
My main motivation was simply that I felt things had to be said. There was nothing to lose and if it resulted in a total loss of contact then so-be-it. If it had a positive effect then that would be an unexpected bonus.
On Friday evening when I got home from work there was a letter waiting from my dad. I was apprehensive, expecting a strident defense of their conduct. I was ready for the usual JW defense of "you knew the consequences before you left". In fact the opposite was the case.
I have decided it would be wrong to post their letter here but it was basically a humble apology for their conduct with no excuses.
I rang them on Sunday evening and we talked for about half an hour.
My impression is that they don't feel they had any choice but to shun initially. Since the diagnosis of my illness however they feel guilty that they continued to hold a hard line. For that they accept complete blame. I told them again that shunning is inexcusable under any circumstances. I stated clearly that I don't "understand" their rule, nor do I sympathise with their position. They took it on the chin.
My mum was an emotional wreck, I was pleased that I felt completely detached and unemotional about the whole thing. For the first time they were asking for my forgiveness - strange.
I told them we can't change the past but I was willing to give them the chance to behave better in future.
Realistically things would not have turned out so well if I was not facing serious illness but I do think we should not meekly "understand" the unreasonable behaviour of JW relatives. What harm can it do to firmly and respectfully have your say? We don't accept their rules and we do judge them for it - tell them.
Incidentally I had thought about how to respond if they did use the "you knew the consequences" defense...
Imagine a husband who said to his wife, "if you leave me I will find you and kill you". Subsequently that is what happens. In court his defense is, "She knew what the consequences were and she made her choice. The responsibility is not mine." How impressed are you with his reasoning?
Maybe I will use that someday.
I am going to leave the ball in their court now to see if they keep their promise to stay in touch.