Is it Time to Stop "Understanding" JW Relatives, and Tell it Like it is? (page 5)

cofty

and go on holidays together

I don't like them that much!

I don't know if you have tried reaching out to them. It's funny how we get upset because someone is shunning us or did not speak to us, etc. But if you turn it around...did you call them?...just to say hello or to check up on them just to make sure they are feeling ok.

This is an example that happen to me. I heard via Facebook that an Uncle was very ill. So I call me parent angry because no one notified me...and was ready to give me parents hell and rant about the freaking JW religion, etc. Anyhow my Elder father answers and sounded so distressed, so instead of reverting to my intended rant...I simple asked, "How are you feeling?" He stated that he was not feeling well...yaddee yaddee, etc. So long story short we spoke for about an hour about what have been going on in our lives...had not spoken to my father in 2 yr.

....after I hung up the phone...I felt so much joy at just talking to my father without religion. So I decided after that conversation, that I would call them, send them cards, gifts because it made me feel good and connected to my parents.

...so this have been happening for about 6 yrs and finally my father decided to bring up the subject of coming back to Jehovah and it ended in a heated discussion. But because of my reaching out to them...I was able to address the issue of my father abandoning the welfare or his grandchildren and I after I went through a terrible divorce. And I told him that I had no desire in becoming associated with JW religion again...because not ONE person from the religion contacted me to see how we were doing. He made some apologies, but said that I sound return to Jehovah's Organization. And I explained that I WILL never leave Jehovah (I'm a believer)...but the KH is another story. So now we just enjoy each other in our comfort zone. Because he has his limits because we are both true to our beliefs...and I'm fortunate the we respect each other.

Also...I do not know if you are a believer...but I truly believe in Honor thy Mother and Father and your day will go well. So no matter what they decide...my decision is to LOVE them. If I call and they want to hang up...that's their issue. If I send a card and the decide to throw it away..that's their issue.

I wish you well!!!

cofty

Hi Happytobefree. Thanks for your comments. Yes I have reached out to them a number of times in the past 17 years. One time I just turned up at their door - they live 100 miles away - and behaved as if everything was normal. They were caught off-guard and we enjoyed a couple of hours on normality. In the long run it makes no difference. They still get to turn the relationship on and off at will.

Apparently we are supposed to be grateful for the moments of contact when they deem something to qualify under "necessary family business". I have decided I am not grateful anymore.

Since you asked, no I''m not a believer, I'm an atheist or more accurately an anti-theist.

I'm sure did not intend to imply that a believer is committed to showing love any more than an unbeliever. That would be deeply offensive and I'm confident you are not like that.

clarity

Cofty ... I see your indignation as a good sign!

To feel strongly ... is to be alive!

>

I'm glad that you are alive, Cofty, you gave us a scare

awhile back!

>

If I recieved a letter, from any of my children like

the one you have written ......

assuming of course that I was shunning them,

well wow!!!!!!!!... it would have brought me to my knees

to read about the hardship & the screwed up childhood

my beliefs caused.

It might even cause me to WAKE UP!

>

It might even cause me to get off that righteous,

pompous point of view that I keep spouting!

>

I like the respect that you feel for yourself.(finally)

>

I'm starting to feel also that the more we "apologize",

by our actions,.... that we are the problem ... the more

they feel that They are right!

>

I agree that it is always a good idea to "sleep on it"

and see what you think tomorrow!

sincerely

clarity

Oubliette

cofty: I'm an atheist or more accurately an anti-theist.

Interesting distinction. I'm not sure I understand. Would you mind elucidating?

cofty

Hi Clarity - Thanks for your perspective. Its certainly a do-or-die strategy.

I have been keeping really well for ages now but I'm currently waiting for results from scans to make sure I'm still in remission so nervous few weeks ahead.

Oubliette - I mean an atheist who thinks theism isn't a harmless pastime.

Oubliette

Cofty: I mean an atheist who thinks theism isn't a harmless pastime.

So if I understand you, you are not against belief in something which doesn't exist per se, but you are against the damage done by those that believe it.

Is that closer?

happytobefree

Cofty,

I want to say blessed...I know it may not seem like it,,,but you are fortunate that they allow you to visit them. So just enjoy it and if they are getting up in age..cherish it and let them know that you are under obligation to continue to love them, no matter how they behave.

...and believe me I understand the turning on and off. That's why I frequent this board...I want to know what frame of mind will my father exhibit when I contact him.

lol...I did not mean that non belivers did not believe in Honoring thy Mother and Father. My point was that the scripture hold truth to my personal beliefs. And actually I go in and out of my belief system (I'm more agnostic...but just really love the teachings of Christ...lol)....but the litamus test for my personal truth is...Am I acting out of Love and would I want someone to treat me in such a manner.

.....so I would hold off on the letter (or sending it to them....especially unpleasant things are so ugly in black and white).

cofty

Oubliette - Yes I am opposed to theism. Some forms are more harmful than others but I look forward to the day when religious beleif will be nothing more than a quaint personal hobby like crochet.

happytobefree - They don't let me visit them, I got away with it once because of shock value.

the litamus test for my personal truth is...Am I acting out of Love and would I want someone to treat me in such a manner.

I am wondering if I was behaving in such a disgraceful way, would it not be an act of love for somebody to have the balls to tell me?

happytobefree

... I am wondering if I was behaving in such a disgraceful way, would it not be an act of love for somebody to have the balls to tell me?

yes...if they provided the counsel in love. but if you are doing it...just to prove you are right or to input your beliefs onto another then NO.

This is why it is tricky with JW. They are definitely doing something that seem so unloving...but they think it is loving. So basically how you tell them what they are doing is unloving to YOU!!! And you do this by not allowing them to disrepect you.

and example is when they tell you that they cannot speak to you because you left Jehovah. You can respond (and I have)...that's your choice...but I'm going to continue to love you and to check up on you because YOU are my PARENTS and I love you...how you want to treat me is your choice. PERIOD

...anytime there is any type of disrepected from my parents, kids, friends, strangers etc. I let them know this is unacceptable. And the main reason is because I love myself....and you will either treat me as such or move on.

Knowing your worth and what you want and who you are....others either will attract to you or repel. That's their choice NOT YOURS.

I read this book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tiping and this book help me to deal with all toxic relationships (even with myself).

Is it Time to Stop "Understanding" JW Relatives, and Tell it Like it is?

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