I Think My Marriage Is Over...

by cognac 135 Replies latest jw friends

  • cognac

    Blondie- he can... He'd just hv to be the one to get d'ffed. Then he'd just come right back in again...

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    I knew of an elder left his wife and kids for his floozy, got disfellowshipped, the whole family ended up ex witnesses except him who got reinstated, his new wife converted and he is now back to being an elder again.

  • Indian Larry
    Indian Larry

    Sorry to say this about your husband but it sounds like he is not too bright, especially when it comes to technology. I agree that you should not let him know what you are aware of. Do however start collecting all evidence you can find. Go to a free service like DropBox and get your own cloud drive. Whenever you see any incrimnating evidence take a screen shot with your ipod and upload the photo to your own private (password protected) drive online. That way if he walks out and takes the iPod you will still have the evidence. If you have a laptop at home be SURE to set up a keystroke logger (mobistealth.com) that way you can monitor all his communication and what sites he is on etc.

    Keep all of this to yourself. I have a friend who got too emotional over his divorce and it cost him literally over $300,000. It is an emotional thing to break up, there is no question of that, and my heart goes out to you. However, you are going to need money to help raise your babies. If it comes down to that your attorney will be able to use any evidence you gather before splitting to your advantage. Also, you can share it with the brothers in the hall. If the other girl is a witness you can hang her out to dry as well. Stress to the elders that while you may not agree with everything the WTBTS says you do fully repect the sanctity of God's provision of marriage. Try to keep your emotions under cover so to speak and get the goods on him first.

    Whether you stay together or not the best place to be is in a position where you have as much power as possible. I wish you good luck.

  • cognac

    Oh, and she's a jw also...

  • Indian Larry
    Indian Larry

    If you have problems loading a keystroke logger or other spy software find a local business that can do it for you. You can remotely follow his texting history, all online chats, sites visited, (eg. is he going to a lawyer) and so on. It is VERY VERY valuable to know these things, I can not stress that enough. Don't feel that you are spying on him, just look at it like you are doing what you need to protect your marriage and family from this other girl. You are also doing this to protect the future of your children should it come down to child support.

    In this case it is good for you that he is a JW. The threat of DF'ing is a very strong one. Yes, he may think he can take it for a short while, but maybe he will realize that it could be a long time if you have evidence that what he is doing is planned. Also, as a witness he is still responcible for taking care of his family financially.

    I could be way off base here but I am going to guess he does not make too much money. I guess that because as a witness he likey does not have a degree. Another reason I say that is since your children are so young I have to assume that he is not older than 35, if that is the case and he is dumb enough to use an iPod he is sharing with his wife to contact another girl he is probably flipping burgers.

  • Indian Larry
    Indian Larry

    Even better that she is a JW. Get the evidence. Put it in front of both of them and tell them to break it off or you are going to the elders. Period. You may think you are in a bad position because he considers you "apostate", but that is irrelevant to this situation. A previous poster quoted the scripture I believe in 1 Corinthians that applies. He does not have a scriptural leg to stand on as far as leaving you. You on the other hand have his marrage vows and his children. The other little chicky needs to get lost.

  • carla

    I'm sorry Cognac.

    Lots of good advice and support for you here. Do document everything and start a secret cash fund in case you need it.

    If you really want their shenanigans to stop write NY, no I'm not kidding. It WILL get back to the elders and it will stop. Not a ranting letter but rather a 'help, I don't know what to do' type and how unchristian it all is blah, blah.....pm me if you want the details of how I know it will make its way back to the elders and it will in all likelyhood stop their behavior even if you are an unbeliever.

    Will be thinking of you and your babies,


  • Ding

    Very sorry, Cognac.

  • hamsterbait

    If the guy thinks so little of you, GET OUT NOW while you are still young enough, and your kids are still young enough to find something better. Every extra year of misery for you means another year of taking in twisted ideas from their twisted low amp brained Jdub father.

    Dont wait until they are teenagers - then you will be EVIL mommy who left our poor dear suffering daddy. They wont care about your happiness then, only their own. Thats teens for you.

    Once a cheat always a cheat I say.


  • caliber

    I am truly sorry to hear this... It is so easy for us when not emotionally involved to give so called "helpful advice"

    in the end it will not help you reach your hearts desire ..to have happy children and a loving inimate relationship with your mate

    Many things mentioned here will make you be seen as the jealous, controlling overly suspicious mate

    in the end all you can do is love your children and to reach out to your husband in loving ways to assure him of your love.

    Many here believe that "personal happiness" exceeds everything... so if your mates heart is somewhere else there is little

    you can do . What is that balance between responsibilty, obligation and personal fulfillment ?... only you as a couple can

    answer that.

    I understand your hell and torn heart only too well.

    I wish for you always to keep warmness within your heart and soul

    Light and warmth draws people to fires warming glow


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