Is unhappiness a reason for divorce ?

by caliber 154 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  PaintedToeNail

  SixofNine-I have always been a fan of Abraham Lincoln. Once, during a meeting part where the question "Who would you like to meet after the resurrection"? I raised my hand and was called on, I said "I really want to meet Abraham Lincoln", you could've heard a pin drop in the KH lol!

  caliber-I have tried for 21 years to have deeper conversations with him. He didn't hear a word said. I begged for some of his time, he owned a company and worked 70-80 hours a week, then would take off for KH builds on the weekends, leaving me alone with a toddler. I have no family within a 400 mile radius, and no one at the KH had time for a sister who's hubby wasn't with her. When I said anything to the elders or their wives, it was 'don't be jealous of Jehovah'. I would retort 'If I would've wanted to be a single parent, I would have, then I would have to do his stupid laundry'. I also would say, 'The only reason he would know if I left, would be because he ran out of clean underwear'. I have been on more vacations by myself, Europe, The Rockies, The Islands, I figured if I wanted to see or do anything, I'd have to do it with my kids, without hubby. Now that I've faded, and his business failed after over 2 decades, he's seeing that I no longer care, and he is frantic. You reap what you sow.
• 

  Hortensia

  No one can really know what goes on in another couple's marriage. But for me, why stay married when marriage is miserable? Life is short, why not get out of a miserable situation?

  If there are children, that's another story. It takes a lot more thinking, because the children's happiness is important too. Would they be happier if the parents divorced or stayed together. Speaking from my own experience only, my siblings and I would have been much happier if my parents had divorced earlier.
• 

  jgnat

  Neglect is abuse.

  What if we treated marriage as a contract, and divorce as a breach of that contract?
• 

  still thinking

  Life is too short to spend years and years in an unhappy marriage. If you are unhappy, chances are they are also unhappy and the whole family shares in that feeling...it is impossible to hide from our children...it permeates everything and they pick up on it. What is the point in staying in a stuation like that, making each other miserable?

  Sometimes we make mistakes...sometimes we marry the wrong people, and sometimes we change so much we have nothing in common any more. It shouldn't be a life sentence...we all deserve to have happiness in our lives.
• 

  caliber

  so sorry PaintedToenail ... frustration is what leads to anger then finally despair and resignation I am sure

  Guess that could be the issue too, does seeking first the kingdom really mean you put your mate second ?
• 

  still thinking

  Is it a slow death ?

  Yes, it can be.
• 

  Satanus

  If you see marriage as a contract, then your hubby broke that contract by being absent and not giving his family attention. Divorce is merely a paper signifying what he has already done.

  S
• 

  caliber

  Neglect is abuse.

  agreed !

  Intent is involved too ... but surely if your expressions are ignored what then is left to say ?

  I have heard the expression "I didn't mean to hurt you " ... If these expressions come with sincere tears surely then there is hope

  (notice the word you was used )
• 

  Dagney

  Pretty much everything "still thinking" said.

  I have had this conversation with many over the years. I felt one way long ago, but older and wiser, I now know better. Marriage can be sacred/holy or whatever you want to call it if both work to make it so. If it falls apart, for any number of reasons, and after sincere efforts to save it with counseling etc., it is best to part and move forward in life. Your partner does not make your life, you do. However, it is always painful.

  I had a friend who after 5 years knew it was a one sided marriage. But he said he would not leave until the last child was 18 years and off to college, which he did. He did not want his kids to grow up the way he did in a broken household. When he ended it, after trying to get her for years to go to counseling, she hated him and the two grown kids hated him. A few years down the road now the kids understand more. But it was painful for them even as adults.
• 

  Satanus

  There are many ways of breaking contracts. If the other person does so in some way, then the offended party has legal recourse. It's a 2 way street.

  S