If you are so unhappy that it is destroying your life...and staying in the marriage contributes to this unhappiness. The marriage has to go.
I don't believe we can blame others for our unhappiness. Our own happiness is our responsibility. So when we see something is unfixable or unchanging and we cannot change it. Do something about it. Sort out your own happiness. Take your life back. Take ownership of your happiness.
Staying in an unhappy marriage 'for the children' is a cop out. Take responsibility for your own life. And help your children see that happyness is a right. Misery is not something that should be endured. What are we really teaching our children when we stay in an unhappy marriage?
I was brought up in an alcoholic home. When my mother FINALLY seperated from my father. It was a relief. Finally we had a measure of peace in our lives. I still loved my father. But, I didn't want to live with him.
When my marriage ended, my ex husband used our children as a weapon against me. Should I have stayed with him? Would this have been better for our children? I don't believe so. He is the type of person who believes it is ok to use children as a weapon, regardless of their feelings and the impact it had on them. Why would I want to spend the rest of my life with a person like that? It has taken a few years to heal those wounds with my children. But, I would still be in that situation now if I hadn't done something about it. I am glad I did. I tried to make it work for over 12 years. What a freaking waste of my life. I should have left much earlier and did, but came back to try to make my marriage work. Well, it takes two people to make a marriage work, not one. And I was the only one trying to do this. He just took and took and took. And drained every last bit of life out of me. It was a long slow death. By the time the marriage ended I was a shell of a person.
I don't actually believe my ex husband is a bad person. I get on with him fine now that he has got all the nastyness/retribution out of his system. He felt hard done by, and took no responsibility for anything in our marriage. Nothing. He was totally innocent and apparently perfect. I'm glad I'm no longer with him. That marriage sucked the life out of me.