Is unhappiness a reason for divorce ?

by caliber 154 Replies latest jw friends

  • simon17

    I believe married people should put forth effort to fix mere 'unhappiness' as much as they can. They were happy once, why can't they be again. Of course, its possible that happiness no longer seems possible after sustained effort from both parties. So then,you have to do what you have to do to be happy again.

    I also believe this goes double for married people with children. Once there are children, THEIR happiness should be your new #1 priority and divorce adversely effects this. Of course, still if it becomes clear that being together is toxic, then divorce is still warranted over 'unhappiness.'

  • caliber
    Wheather you can or you can't, either way you are right." ~ Henry Ford

    will and desire are what cause emotions to flow.... thus the power of belief

    "Energy flows where attention goes" ~ Dr. Michael Beckwith

    without desire there is no energy

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    If you are so unhappy that it is destroying your life...and staying in the marriage contributes to this unhappiness. The marriage has to go.

    I don't believe we can blame others for our unhappiness. Our own happiness is our responsibility. So when we see something is unfixable or unchanging and we cannot change it. Do something about it. Sort out your own happiness. Take your life back. Take ownership of your happiness.

    Staying in an unhappy marriage 'for the children' is a cop out. Take responsibility for your own life. And help your children see that happyness is a right. Misery is not something that should be endured. What are we really teaching our children when we stay in an unhappy marriage?

    I was brought up in an alcoholic home. When my mother FINALLY seperated from my father. It was a relief. Finally we had a measure of peace in our lives. I still loved my father. But, I didn't want to live with him.

    When my marriage ended, my ex husband used our children as a weapon against me. Should I have stayed with him? Would this have been better for our children? I don't believe so. He is the type of person who believes it is ok to use children as a weapon, regardless of their feelings and the impact it had on them. Why would I want to spend the rest of my life with a person like that? It has taken a few years to heal those wounds with my children. But, I would still be in that situation now if I hadn't done something about it. I am glad I did. I tried to make it work for over 12 years. What a freaking waste of my life. I should have left much earlier and did, but came back to try to make my marriage work. Well, it takes two people to make a marriage work, not one. And I was the only one trying to do this. He just took and took and took. And drained every last bit of life out of me. It was a long slow death. By the time the marriage ended I was a shell of a person.

    I don't actually believe my ex husband is a bad person. I get on with him fine now that he has got all the nastyness/retribution out of his system. He felt hard done by, and took no responsibility for anything in our marriage. Nothing. He was totally innocent and apparently perfect. I'm glad I'm no longer with him. That marriage sucked the life out of me.

  • caliber

    "Being true to yourself "...... following what you believe over what people pressure you to do.... authentic life

    Does marriage contradict the idea of being true to yourself and thus in finding true happiness ?

    because you get quotes like this...

    When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. Joseph Campbell

  • sd-7

    It really depends on exactly what is causing the unhappiness. Because it may not necessarily be the spouse. (Not that I'm defending crap spouses out there.) But it reminds me of something Clive Owen's character in 'Closer' said about his wife, that she wanted to be unhappy, because if she were happy, then she'd have to go places and do things that happy people do. And some people may very well want to be unhappy, and if that's so, divorce won't help them.

    If it's a case of physical or emotional abuse or cheating or substance abuse, that's unhappiness coming from the spouse, should probably transform and roll out. If it's just you don't like the way they fold their socks, I can't help you on that one. I can't really help you anyway, unless you need someplace to wipe your shoes. So it works out.


  • jgnat

    I have heard the expression "I didn't mean to hurt you " ... If these expressions come with sincere tears surely then there is hope

    My first marriage was to an abuser. He had plenty of remorse...aferwards. I am not sure one could tell the difference between sincere tears of empathy and sincere tears that they have been caught out.

  • Kojack57

    I spent 29 years trying to make my marriage work. If your unhappy, get the hell out. That's my advise.


  • Glander

    Hell, I know of divorces over not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.

    Seems there is always a triangular situation that aggravates the lack of patience with the disposable spouse.

  • moshe

    Many years ago when I first went to work at the auto plant I heard all about the unhappy wives-- you work too much, we don't do anything together (the money was nice)- the wife would decide she wasn't happy and go see a lawyer ( recommended by her gal friend who just got divorced)-

    wife- I'm not happy

    lawyer- where does your husbad work?

    wife- acme auto

    lawyer-excellent! you do know , as soon as you get your divorce that 1/2 of all the money in your husbands 401k is yours- and if he is dumb, we can trick him into paying all the IRS penalties, too- would 1/2 of that $200k in his 401K make you feel better?

    wife-- when can we start that divorce?

    lawyer- great!!- we can talk about his pension and spousal rehabilitation on our next appointment.-

    So, making a lot of money was hazardous to many a marriage--

  • Cagefighter

    never buy when you can rent is what i say.....

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