Is unhappiness a reason for divorce ?

by caliber 154 Replies latest jw friends

  • caliber

    So I guess it all depends on the reasons for your unhappiness
    . ( highlight added)

    I t's not wrong to have feelings of unhappiness.. but it only makes sense to discover it's source or cause.

    Ever heard someone say "Oh you shouldn't feel that way " .. it invalidates the feeling so it could make you feel angery

    or at least not understood. However in discussion you can help the other person see why or how these feelings developed.

    Is it misunderstanding or are your needs and wants being ignored in some why ? If you can't express or understand

    why you "feel " a certain way, then how is your mate to understand or to make adjustment in some way to meet your needs ?


    I once had a discussion with a friend who asked me give me reasons I marrried. I listed several qualities kindness, gentleness ,organizational

    skills, compassion for other people, a quiet spirit. They responded .. not in these words but to the same effect

    "marriage is not just a checklist that your mate fulfills" , but they wanted to know if I had a "spark" or feeling of being in love.

    I was taken back for not having mentioned a warm feeling of love and connection , "a spark " , not because I didn't feel it.. but I took it as a

    given that everyone must have these "feelings of love " that you are attracted to physical things such as beautiful , kind eyes ..

    else why would they consider marriage ?

    Your marriage should also come about because of two essential factors feelings (physical & emotional attraction) plus reasons that make sense of your these feelings

    "Knowing thy self ", but also understanding the other person qualities and how these give birth to their true spirit.

    I have come to understand that many beleive that the market for finding a true love connection amongst JW's is so small

    that you must "settle".... to find someone that will at least "treat you right"

    If you after years can't " make yourself love", how easy is it , do you think for your mate " to make themselves" stop loving you ?

    At last true words must then be spoken "It's not about you, it's about me "..... I must put me ahead of we "

    It is not being "self-absorbed " but your heart was never given in the first place

  • TD

    Interesting perspectives.

    Marriage stabilizes a relationship socially, legally and financially, which in many ways are good things. But there is a downside.

    You hardly ever hear a woman complaining that her boyfried is inattentive; that he doesn't truly listen to her; that he prefers video games and internet porn to her; that he has gained eighty pounds, quit showering and now spends all his time on the couch watching football. And there's a reason for this. Boyfriends are easily replaced.

    Similarly, you hardly ever hear a man complaining that his girlfriend has become unaffectionate; that she refuses to even kiss him anymore, let alone have sex with him; that she has whacked off her beautiful head of hair and now slops around all day in worn, threadbare sweats. And there's a reason for that too. Girlfriends are easily replaced.

    This 'rule' is pretty much true even for men and women who have been in an unmarried relationship for years and years. But these are all common complaints among married couples -- sometimes within just a few years of marriage. Husbands and wives are not replaced nearly as easily as boyfriends and girfriends are and men and women both abuse that stability.

    So while I believe in marriage and have worked hard at it, (Marriage to an active JW is not a picnic in many ways..) I think the JW notion of divorce only in the event of infidelity does men and women both a disservice. Sometimes it takes a little instability to make people behave.

  • caliber

    Sometimes it takes a little instability to make people behave

    True love by it's very nature would also include gratitude & thankfulness

    Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling


  • caliber

    Paper Roses

    Oh how real those roses seem to be!

    But they're only imitation

  • FlyingHighNow

    TD, your post makes me think of this video. Of course Tracey still looks adorable in her house shoes at the grocery store. And Paul has quite the transformation at the end. Look very close at his face.

  • MsD

    Marriage is tough! Ive been married since my early twenties.... together for over 10 yrs. There are days that are great and there are days where you just want to strangle your spouse. Unfortunately today was one of those days where I literally felt like hurting him. No joke! of course next week will be different. It truly can be like a roller coaster. Never ending highs and lows.

    Of course for both of us an automatic deal breaker is infidelity. He knows I would not be able to forgive and I know he would not forgive me either. Once someone betrays you in that way... Its really difficult to get past I believe. Of course being unhappy in your marriage shouldn't be a reason to get divorced but people do decide to go through with it if its really that bad. At the end of the day I don't think it's healthy to be in a marriage where all you do is fight. When you have children it gets more complicated. You want to stay together for the kids but at the same time you don't want them to be miserable. It's not an easy decision to make!

  • FlyingHighNow

    MsD, you'd be surprised how easy it is to forgive adultery. Much easier when you have a good thing and it's worth fighting for.

  • TD
    TD, your post makes me think of this video.

    Charming video. I remember it. I think Kirsty MacColl was only 17 when she wrote that song.

  • caliber

    L isten to the emotion of guitars plaintive cries...

    they alone understand the errie winds that sweep the mind...

    in times of complex love so sadly misunderstood

  • caliber

    Is a rose still .....a rose , if it is frozen in time ..

    when even a single touch will shattered it into a million pieces ?

    It merely stands in outlined shadow of the beauty it once shared

    ~~~~~~ Caliber

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