by caliber 154 Replies latest jw friends
Love! you deal a bitter blow –
You lay across the mortal plains,
covered, bedimmed amidst the snow
harsh reality – smothering pains of Destiny...
That I could ever triumph over love!
But then amidst the scars of such cold kisses..
a hopeful heart bursts forth , inspired by crocus glory !
The old saying goes "No happy marriage ever ended in divorce."
She didn't edit out the one comment of hers I quoted though. Either she is a friend or you are fairly transparent. She also reminded you of the serenity prayer.
It appears all the references are talking about strengthen your marriage through this prayer and not ending it !!!
So I took the advice about looking at the Serenity prayer with regard to marriage...
The short form is mostly widely known, as follows:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
The longer, original version by Reinhold Niebuhr, clarifies the need to surrender our will to God and trust Him to make all things right. This version also encourages us to enjoy life, one moment at a time.
There’s a reason this prayer has become so widely known. It speaks to everyone’s desire to remove internal stress and replace it with peace.
As a differentiating value, Serenity means the absence of mental stress or anxiety; or a disposition of calmness and tranquility.
How beautiful when the value of serenity can be established in a marriage
To help your marriage, Potts suggests adapting the famous serenity prayer as follows:
… accept the things I cannot change. Acknowledge that you cannot change your spouse. Instead identify and celebrate your spouse’s strengths.
…courage to change the things I can. The only thing that you can change is – you. Take courage and admit your imperfections and look carefully and honestly at yourself. Then begin the journey of change with yourself.
…wisdom to know the difference. If the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom [Proverbs 1:7], then apply a little of it to appreciate the differences between you and your spouse.
God called the two of you with purpose, each with your own set of strengths. Learning to accept each other as you are, being open to change yourself, paves the way for a marriage that can be filled with tranquility.
http://fergusonvalues.com/2012/12/applying-the-serenity-prayer-to-marriage/
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This simple and profound truth, when applied to marriage can eliminate a lot of unnecessary strife and frustration. All too often in our counseling practice we deal with couples who have been married for 5, 10, 20 or more years, who find that they are presently having the same argument that they have been having for years. Still butting heads, with no resolution or satisfaction.
What these couples need to realize is that in every marriage there will always be irreconcilable difference—issues upon which you will never agree, no matter how hard you persuade, push, argue or complain—and that this is okay. In these instances you need to agree to disagree and get on with life.
As stated in the serenity prayer, it would be invaluable in marriage to have the serenity to accept the things “I” cannot change. The first of the many things that I cannot change is my partner. The only person I can control is my self and sometimes that is a challenge.
Learning to accept our partner as they are will greatly improve the quality of our relationship. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we have to like everything that they do or that we have to agree with everything they say. It simply means that we accept and love them for who they are and as they are. We give up constantly nitpicking and trying to change them.
Next we need to have the courage to change the things we can change. What we can change and what we do have control over is our own thoughts, behaviors and reactions to our partner. If we don’t like the way things are, we can change what we are thinking and doing and we can change how we are reacting to our partner.
Ask yourself and answer honestly, “What am I doing to perpetuate this problem? How am I contributing to this situation? What pay off am I getting or giving that keeps this problem alive? Once you have identified ways that you are making things worse rather than better, DO something different.
Change what you can change. You have probably heard many times that it is insanity to do the same thing over and over hoping for different results. Yet human beings can be incredibly stubborn, especially when they think they are “right,” in bashing their heads against a brick wall hoping that one of these times their partner will suddenly “get it.”
So when you feel like you are bashing your head against a brick wall, STOP. Take a close look at what you have been doing and consciously choose to do something different. Decide to experiment and see if you can find something that works better. Change what you are doing, rather than trying to change your partner.
Finally, the serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to tell the difference. It does require wisdom to differentiate between those things that we can change and those that will never change. But the benefit is that peace and serenity is possible in your relationship as you learn to practice this principle.
Its 'The serenity prayer is about adaption not giving up ?
but wait there is more..
Here is how one person used it however
Serenity for Divorce
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (your ex spouse)
the Courage to change the things I can, (yourself and your situation)
and the Wisdom to know the difference; (remaining calm in the wake of co-parenting calamities)
(God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (your ex spouse)
excuse me but this sounds more like rejection than acceptence )
i think most marriages are unhappy
“transparency”
I would like to address the idea of transparency with regards to public forums....
I see transparency as authenticity which will involve as both honesty and integrity .
While honesty is essential I beleive it is wrong to share what were to be private thoughts or conversations with either your mate or even PM's from
anyone which , by their very nature are to be private. Protecting privacy
is not "weaseling out" but shows love and respect that is due.
CALIBER- Speaking from experience I'm on marriage # 3 and have been happily married now to Mrs. Flipper for going on 7 years. If severe unhappiness persists in a marriage where counseling , conversation, and sleepless nights and agony won't cure the division and alienation of affection in a marriage- speaking from experience in my past relationships - it's time to move on in my opinion. I was married to my high school JW girlfriend for 19 yrs. until my late 30's, had 3 children with her - however her view of me was only conditional on HOW MUCH I progressed in the JW cult . I didn't want to allegedly " progress " to become an elder as I saw through the politics- so she withdrew her conditional " love " and affection based on my allegedly " unspiritual " view of life. Bottom line is people change through the years, they go through a metamorphisis of sorts in their values, interests, likes & dislikes and two people either have enough similarities and love to adapt to each others changes or they don't. It's not a question of who is wrong or who is right - it's a question of " is THAT person the right person for us as an individual and are WE the right person for the other going through these changes ? "
A songs lyrics that really assisted me after my first marriage broke up was from the Moody Blues and the title of the song was " Love is on the Run ". Lyrics go like this:
When your love is on the run
Don't fall apart at what's begun
It's just the healing process of your heart
When your dreams have lost their course
Don't waste your time closing doors
You'll be the last to know when love is gone
Love is on the run, love is on the run, love is on the run from me
Just because it's raining here it doesn't mean
The sun isn't shining on someone you once loved
But whose not with you anymore
Couldn't find the words to say I love you
Couldn't fight the hurt of holding on
Couldn't hope
Couldn't dream
Couldn't see tomorrow
Without your love I can't go on
Love is on the run, love is on the run, love is on the run from me
So it's a song about accepting that a former loved one has moved on, yet even so you may still have feelings for the person, but maturity dictates to allow that person to pursue their life and find happiness and in coming full circle you'll realize that the same lies in store for yourself as your own life moves on. And therein everybody ends up eventually where they should be in time. Life changes, relationships move on , and we can all find happiness if we let time, sorrow, mourning, and pain taking the learning experience with us and growing as individuals from it. Just my 2 cents. End of my little rant on the subject. My first ex-wife is happily married now. Good for her. And so am I
thanks for the tune Flipper I'll hear it out and ponder
While honesty is essential I beleive it is wrong to share what were to be private thoughts or conversations with either your mate or even PM's from
anyone which , by their very nature are to be private. Protecting privacy
is not "weaseling out" but shows love and respect that is due.
I agree with you here. No one, including me, asked you or anyone to reveal private thoughts or conversations. And, I will again point out, Eva was the first person on your thread to say something personal here to you and that it might be time to move on.
When a person has lost 'That lovin' felling' and they refuse to give it another shot , with couples therapy ,etc.. I say it's gone and it's time to move on.
It takes two people to make it work again. If it's even possible
"you cant make someone love you, if they dont' Bonnie Raitt
Time to move on Caliber
flipping the page .. good bye to Fred Hall
