So my JW wife cheated on me. Need some help or at least a sympathetic ear.

by JonathanH 147 Replies latest jw friends

  • EntirelyPossible

    Look mate, everyone makes mistakes. If you can overlook this and you and she both want the relationship to work, then work on it, get past this and live a wonderful life together. Don't get all caught up in the details. You can't pretend nothing happened but you ALSO don't have to turn it into Hiroshima.

    If not, then do what you need to do to move on. The fact that she felt guilty should tell you something. Look at this an an opportunity to fix what needed fixing or to get out of something that couldn't be fixed.

    Mistakes happen. Stupid, foolish mistakes. Doesn't mean they don't love you or that they don't wish it hadn't happened or that things can't be fixed.

    No matter what you decide, don't be a fool and don't be foolish.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Jonathan, were you ever a JW? Sorry, I can't remember.

    I'm really sorry you're in this mess.

  • cofty

    I'm sorry to hear about this Jonathan, it must be really painful.

    It sounds to me like it really has a chance but you must listen to your heart, only you know if this is worth mending.

    Best wishes.

  • 00DAD


    I can't really add anything to the loads of good advice and comfort you've already received except my personal words of sympathy. I know, I've been cheated on before and it is heartbreaking.


  • respectful_observer

    JonathanH, you have a PM.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I have a comment. It seems weird commenting on your private life. You mentioned all the hours you spend working full time and attending school full time. When I started prof'l work, the minumum hours involved were 80 hrs/week. Fortunately, I was single. I socialized at the firm. There were more decent men, really good, solid men, who ended up with a divorce. It hurt. These were the men who should make great husbands and fathers. Their wives typically were not as driven. Certainly putting time in to start a career was great for the marriage. It seems that if both parties are working crazy hours, each party understand the hell and crazy behaior. The more normal person seemed to be fed up with the hours over the long run.

    She may feel threatened by the hours diverted from normal life. I think it is commendable that you are trying so hard to find a foothole to success. You are getting great feedback from being such an achiever. She may not be getting anything back to put up with the problems.

    Just an idea.

  • strymeckirules

    the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

    until you realize it was astro turf the whole time.

  • ABibleStudent

    JonathanH - I asked her why she would go? I mean didn't she know what was going to happen? She said that she told him that they she wouldn't have sex with him, but she expected him to kiss her. I asked her why she wore the lingerie then and she said she didn't know, she wasn't thinking about it logically, it was just sexy. But she knew what was going to happen, she went with the expectation that they would be making out. And though she says that she wasn't going to have sex with him, she intended to go back to his house friday night. You can't make out forever.

    Hi JonathanH, I am sorry about what your wife did. It sounds like she is crying out for help and attention. If you want to stay married to her, than ask if she will go to marriage counseling with you. I would also recommend that you read a couple of marriage counseling books ("Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Grey and "Getting the Love that You Want - A Couples Guide" by Harville Hendrix) with your wife. It would also help if you spend more time showing your wife how sexy, attractive, and intelligent she is outside of the bedroom by going on blind dates with each other.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Retrovirus

    JonothanH, I'm sorry you have this to deal with.

    She woke up crying in the middle of the night saying she ruined everything.

    It's not clear to me; is she sorry for betraying your trust and her marriage vows, or sorry for breaking her religion's rules? Her insistence on involving the elders is a concern.

    Still, sincerely hope it leads to better times, Retro

  • steve2

    Hi Jonathan,

    Do you have a back bone? Are you able to talk honestly to your wife? Does she rule your life? She did something behind your back that is tantamount to cheating. And the poor little think feels sop conscience-stricken she confesses to you. Whip-de-doo. Okay she and this pathetic excuse for a "friend" didn't go the full hog - but hey, seems like they connected deeply on an emotional level. You sound way too nice and understanding for your own good. That she still identifies with the JWs is a relatively minor point here. At core, there is something fundamentally suspect about your relationship that she engaged in an elaborate deceit before going out with the girls. She's deceiving and then confessing.

    At heart, the trust in your relationship has been affected...and you come across like a wimp: "What should I do for the best?" Huh? Does she mean the world to you? Do you want to stay with her at all costs? Has she hurt you really badly? Come on and man up. At the very least, use what strength you can muster and get thee to a marriage counsellor. Whether or not she comes along is her business. But go.

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