So my JW wife cheated on me. Need some help or at least a sympathetic ear.

by JonathanH 147 Replies latest jw friends

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    JonathanH...I am so pleased for you and your wife...that is fantastic news. Communication is the key!!

    Think About it....awww shucks...thanks...

  • OnTheWayOut

    Hey, just read your update on page 7 of this thread. I am glad for you that you have started a healing process by your own decisions.

  • JonathanH

    Little update:

    Here's an odd side note. The other guy's wife found my post here some how. After my wife went and told the bosses at work, and me and ect, he ended up telling his wife (apparently they weren't in the middle of a divorce...not sure about now.) But after that she somehow found my story here, despite the total lack of names, or names of businesses, my last name isn't even here. But some how she found it. Does that seem wierd to anyone but me? My wife didn't know about this place, or that I wrote anything, but some how this random woman I've never met that has nothing to do with the witnesses found this. That baffles me. I tried to google things I thought may lead me here, information she would have access to and I can't seem to find anything that would lead me to this topic.

    Anyway, the other guy's actions make me feel much better about how my wife handled it. He only confessed to his spouse once the cat was out of the bag, and he consistently has tried to lie to her about what exactly happened. He even went so far as to contact my wife and ask her to lie for him because he wife was going to try and talk to my wife. She didn't lie for him and told the other woman exactly what happened, feeling that she owed that much, and that it was a necessary act of penitence. I think seeing how these two have approached it helps convince me that my wife really does feel like she made a mistake, and wants to fix it. The other guy seems only interested in saving face.

    Things continue to improve between my wife and myself. I am passed the blind anger, and depression. I am not giving her a free ride, but I have no intention of vindictively punishing her for what's she's done. We continue to communicate and I believe things will be just fine. They need time to heal, but she is making it very clear that she will do whatever work is necessary to fix our relationship. She has made no attempt to hide anything, gave me her e-mail password, lets me check her phone if that's what I want. I believe she genuinely hates what she did, and wants things to get better.

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    JonathanH.....things are sounding very good. Looking like time may heal this relationship in the near future.

    Think About It

  • Knowsnothing

    Dude, next time post in members-only. That is weird. In any case, good news dude.

  • JonathanH

    I don't mind that the douche's wife found my post, I have no problem with her knowing the details I know. What I find wierd is how she found it. I have a sneaking suspicion that an elder may have given it to her. That is the only thing I can think of. An elder from my hall lurking here for gross eldery reasons, sees the story, my wife confesses to the elders, he puts two and two together, realized that this post was actually from me (assuming he didn't know already, I do use my first name herem and I have told my story here), and then decided to secrectly get involved in an inappropriate way. He could just look up the wife, anonomously send her my post, or just tell her to keep it a secret where she got it from. I know what is in my post and I still can't google anything that leads me here. I find it hard to believe a woman I've never met could do it. Elders have a way of sticking their noses in where they don't belong out of some gross sense of entitlement and piety. It wouldn't surprise me if elders monitor this site for perverse reasons.

    Are there other explanations that are more reasonable that I'm not thinking of? Is anybody else able to do a google search that leads them here?

  • Yan Bibiyan
    Yan Bibiyan


    Good to hear things are looking better, dude. Your posts throughout the ordel were levelheaded, you never lost your cool and I sincerely wish for your marriage to work out!

    You never know, may even help a lurking elder break free

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    JonathanH...that sounds fantastic about your wife...she certainly seems keen to sort things out from what you have said.

    That is very strange about his wife finding out . Especially the way she did. Hopefully she finds herself a descent guy too.

    We all mess up in our lives, no one is perfect. But your wife at least sounds honest...that is hard to find and worth hanging on to.

    I take my hat off to you...I doubt I could be so forgiving. But then again, I've had plenty of practice with guys that weren't worth forgiving. I am beyond forgiving men for that sort of behaviour. Turned the other cheek enough in that department. I know I did it too...but I wasn't looking for forgiveness, just closure.

    Best wishes anyway to you both. Have a great Christmas.

Share this