Tonight I disassociated myself - after 24 years - had 2 hour meeting with Elder

by Intel 109 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • LouBelle

    Hiya Intel.

    A brave step you took. A step need to be taken to save yourself. I feel your pain about not having your family along, especially your little one. I know you will always let her know that you love her and care for her and somehow pass on that belonging to the same religion shouldn't matter (when she can understand)

    It seems you have handled yourself with dignity - you have lashed out (as those crazy apostates are meant to do), you haven't called down evil upon anyone. Continually show your love and forgiveness. Sacrificing family for freedom and truth is very painful - and yet we do it, we know how important it is - not to live a lie!!!!

    I salute you! Every member on here that has done the same. It wasn't easy, it never will be. We carry baggage for a time, but there comes a time when we let it go too.

    Stay strong!

  • Intel

    Thanks NewChapter and all the others for your interest in me! You have shown more interest than some of my relatives, LOL.

    I have not come back to this thread (but have visited the forum and commented on other topics), mainly for two reasons: one is to distance myself from feeling "miserable" and repeating how nauseating all of this is and second, there are many others here seeking help and I didn't wanted to "be in the spotlight"....

    ....I was in the "spotlight" for too many god damned years (Talks at District Conventions, Elder school talks, public talks, substitute circuit overseer talks,....) and I hated it.

    The last time I posted was 17 days ago. My first 17 days as a non-Witness. To all of you that are contemplating this. Here goes the record.

    First of all, it will be different from person to person, from situation to situation. I have been preparing myself for this step over a period of five years (fading, all the way down). I am a very social person (I kind of had two or three good "worldly" friends who are helping me to cope and forget). The first week I continuously received text messages on my cellphone, emails, phone calls from Witnesses, relatives and non-relatives.

    Some of them where very hurtful, to such a point that I stopped reading them and started to delete any message. I tried to get into some kind of routine and left our home. Found a neat place to live for a while and to concentrate on new things (my bucket list was ALWAYS full of interesting stuff).

    In the meantime I got to see my baby girl once! I enjoyed EVERY minute and played with her, took her out to the playground. It hurts to be separated. My (ex)-wife offered to reunite and continue as a family, but I have to buck and give up - repent and coming back to the "loving arms of the organization"....oh yeah, and go see a psych and take some medicine! My mind is crystal clear, I have a demanding job (Finance related) where I have plenty of responsability and the suggestion was to go and take some anti-depressants and come back to the meetings.

    F&%$ THAT! I don't need a doctor and even suggesting that is insulting.

    Last weekend I went out (for the first time in years) to have some drinks with my good friend, laughter, talking....enjoying life in a simple and yet wonderful form. My (ex)-wife asked me where I was between x and y hour, because I didn't answered the phone....I could have said to go to &%$, but out of respect and to be open and clear I told her what I did. She screamed why I was going out with "these worldly people"....

    I told her that they are family fathers, not some blood-drunken-evil-punks, nobody took drugs, went into bar fights or spent the night with five hookers. Just eating out, having a couple of drinks (nobody drunk) and going home. Thats it!

    Whatever, I will start to go out more often and build up a social life. Just like normal human beings.

    Resuming: I've had STRONG pain, mainly because I miss my little girl. AT THE SAME TIME (and this is amazing that you can have two strong feelings, going almost at the same time) I feel the sweet feeling of victory and FREEDOM of MIND! Which is invaluable.

    Yes, Life is going well. So far, so good.

    Thanks for asking. I will keep you updated, if you are interested to accompany me in this journey and at the same time helping others to see that THERE IS LIFE at the other side of the wall...think about it!

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    Intel Im SO happy to know youve seen your little girl and held her in your arms again. Your joy is evident in your post and spilling over.....

    You are her dad, always will be.....NOTHING they can do about that. SHE is your priority, so getting your visiting rights in order is imperitive right now.

    You already sound like a huge weight has been lifted......may this continue! Glad you are building a new life outside the cult prison, go go go!!!

  • cantleave

    Intel - I wish you the very best.

  • JamesWHudson

    Hang in there! i've been thru the ringer ,lots of us has and we made it....

  • RayPublisher

    You are going to be fine INTEL. And not dwelling on negativity and even *this place* when you are down is a good move on your part.

    The best way to "get back" at all these haters is to be happy, successful, responsible, be a father to your child, etc. That is when you break out of the "angry, disturbed, sad apostate" stereotype myth that is taught by the WTO and believed by the rank and file.

    Good luck and we hope you keep us posted in the future with "happy threads" of what you are doing POST-WT.

  • 3dogs1husband


  • James Jack
    James Jack

    Can you post your original disassociation letter?

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    i saw this thread started about the time i first joined this many usernames i remembered....not seen them for years...

    to all of you....a very happy christmas---and face the new year together--come what may.

  • James Jack
    James Jack

    Been working out for well me after 5 months of being disassociated. My wife hasn’t left, in fact our marriage is the best in our life now. Some family members have joined us on this venture. We don’t have to look over our shoulder, afraid someone is looking for us to take a false step. Free at last, free at last. God Almighty...

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