wife took it pretty well i guess...it's over...

by oompa 110 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    Very sorry to hear that a bridge was crossed then burned. Make the best of the other side, ask us for whatever aid you can get.
    It is possible that the shunning thing won't be entirely upheld for an unending amount of time. If it is, try to blame the cult and recognize that your family are captives. Stay out of that bottle. Don't let it kill you. Call if you need a friend.

  • whoknows

    OOmpa, so sorry for the pain you are going through. What you are doing is demonstrating great courage and honesty on your part, I hope you gain some strength from that and that and, as Dinah said, you won't be living in limbo anymore. I know you have seen this coming for a while. I have the impression that you have made a few friends on the outside. Share it all with them, I know they will be very sympathetic. Stay close to your son too. It probably would help to get some counseling from someone experienced with those exiting cults. AA too can provide comfort and companionship. It will take some time, but as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. This will pass.

    We can always hope that the ones we love and miss will come around. I believe there will be more and more exposure of the WTBS as being a high control cult. Let's hope the light bulb goes off soon and they can see what a cruel, unloving, and unchristian this practice of shunning is.

    Our hearts are with you!

  • oompa

    Thanks all...if it were not for this website, i may not have come to grip with the fact that while there is great pain and loss at a time like this...that people here HAVE made it with a new life. my young son has also been an inspiration in that although he still grieves his losses some, including his lifelong best friend...a true twin brother to him who recently was reinstated and has now severed ties. i have made several friends here...some in person, and some not, but this site is above all else a SUPPORT GROUP!.......and even one of my therapists told my wife it was much needed in my life

    i do appreciate all the hugs and support, and knew it would happen because that is the way we are here...but i mainly posted because i needed to...and i wanted any newbies or lurkers to realize the sick mindset and pain that inflicts so much damage on families all due to decisions we may have made as children!!!......i told my dad that is just insane!.....i felt the normal pressure to get baptized...it was the thing to do and what option did i have?..."dad can i go check out the catholic church down the street?".....i asked my dad what he would have done when i was 15 and expressed such an interest...kids have no option for the most part, and wt wants to get their controlling hooks in you as early as possible despite a wt stating that in first century christianity only adults were baptised...so why do they not follow that pattern when EVERYTHING else is copied from the first century?!?!?......

    strange how short and fairly unemotional it was talking with my wife...who unfortunately had heard all of the for most of the past three years until we signed a "do not discuss religion/god/bible truce".......but my mom had not so much, and while the pain of losing my marriage has been seeping in for years...the loss of my parents is still very fresh and raw, and they could see the anger, frustration, bitterness and regrets i have harbored and still do i guess....told them about wearing masks since 3rd grade to fit in at school and home, and hall.....told them i so wish my dfd sister at 16 had DRAGGED ME WITH HER when she knew early on she had to have freedom of thought and speech

    i know it is pointless to look back, nor worry too much about the future...just one day at a time...but my heart has a weight off it....oompa

  • diana netherton
    diana netherton

    Sorry, Oompa, that you have to go through so much. The JW organisation causes so much pain to everyone associated

    with it, even relatives that are not "in." It's torn my family apart and put a wedge there that will never recover

    Thoughts are with you...


  • Casper

    It's been a long hard road Oompa, we've all watched you suffer over the years and felt your pain.

    On the one hand, it's good to see you've made a decision, on the other, yes it is sad. At least now you, and your wife can move on, I'm sure it's been equally as hard for her to endure the change.

    My therapist told me once, "You can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself", I felt that was rather cold when I heard it. In the end tho, what other logical choice is there if all are to find happiness ?

    I sincerely hope you find what you've been looking for, that new lease on life.

    Sincerely wishing you the best from here on.


  • moshe

    I am sorry Oompa for your family's breakup. You have started a new chapter in your life - good or bad, it is now in your control.

    It was 20 years ago this past summer that I loaded up my car and trailer and drove away from my home- my JW wife had won her right to get rid of her apostate husband- I can still see in my mind all my neighbors on their porches waving at me as I slowly drove done our lane. They gave me a nod and a smile of support to show me that even though I had lost my batttle with the WT, I was not beaten by them. Everything I said about the WT came true and even my ex-wife finally quit going to the KH about 5 years later, finally quitting for good a few years later. I am still wating for her "mea culpa". You can still have a good life Oompa, without bitterness. I came to realize that you truly do, "reap what you sow". The past mistake of being a JW, you must now consider paid in full. You now have to sow for a better life and in 10-20 years you can reap the rewards, as I do now. I am retired from a good job, I have a loving and loyal wife and we have a wonderful 10 year old daughter we adopted from Russia in 2003. My grown kids who are now around 30 never became JW's. We have two grand daughters that will never have to sit through KH meetings or be dragged out in service. It was worth the pain to keep my grown son and daughter out of the KH. I really do feel that the WT shunning policies will come to an end soon.

    Good luck,


  • Gayle

    Wow, Oompa, it seems your "rebirth" has had some pain but you will have your emotional and spiritual health now. I am so impressed with your story/experience and truly wish the best in your new life. We have gone through an unique experience and I too am glad for this site that helps so many and helps get the real story out and the exposure of the Watchtower world's evil ways.

  • yknot

    Where one journey ends often times it is where another begins.......

  • snowbird



  • zoiks

    My heart goes out to you Oompa.


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