Okay, here I go out on a limb again...but...
Oompa, I have followed your story since you first began posting. You are, like many people who nakedly share their flaws and problems here, a likeable, sympathetic guy.
But, I'm a little dissapointed to see so many posts here from those who feel you have been a victim of the JW experience. Bullshit. You are a victim of primarily, you're own weaknesses. Having your life mixed into the whole JW experience has certainly added a lot of complications but it seems you have failed to meet your challenge on any level.
Crawling into a bottle is a sure way to destroy the credibility of any opinions you have about anything, religion being at the top of the list. On top of that, you poor guy, you have tried to play the JW game! My concern for you is that you are on the brink of a horrible step. You are about to accept the verdict that you are a loser. This leads to more self destructive behaviour if not suicide, which you have spoken of here in the past. BULLSHIT! Pull up your socks and grab your cock! Do something good for yourself and when you feel right try to establish a relationship with your children. The sooner you start the better.