If you find that something is considered bad manners in another culture, aren't you glad to know this? It doesn't mean you're going to apply your knowlege to everyone, but certainly it's helpful to know so that you don't offend people of that culture in the future. If the okay sign is offensive in Brazil or southern Europe, then it's a good thing to know when speaking to someone of those cultures. Of course you wouldn't make the okay sign under those circumstances.
**** Some people don't teach their children manners. Grrr. ****
by FlyingHighNow 277 Replies latest jw friends
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TheSilence
If you find that something is considered bad manners in another culture, aren't you glad to know this?
Absolutely. That does not mean that the way it was conveyed was acceptable. You still have not answered this question:
are you telling me you wouldn't have been offended by the comment, the look, and the attitude behind it displayed in front of your grandson?
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FlyingHighNow
Learning about a cultural difference would be one thing... are you telling me you wouldn't have been offended by the comment, the look, and the attitude behind it displayed in front of your grandson?
Why would either of us be offended? The man is telling us that this is offensive in his culture. There is nothing offensive about his reaction. If he gave me the look I give, I would have thought it a gentle emphasis to what he was saying. The look I give is not mean. People, including my kids usually smile when I make the look.
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cognizant dissident
FHN, I'm quite aware that we don't live in Asia or Europe. The point of the analogy, which you obviously didn't get, is that the mother obviously lived in a different world/family then you did which did not share your belief about children giving up their seats as good manners. No, you did not directly ask her to give up the seat, that at least would have been assertive and direct and non-judgemental. You gave her a "look" that said " I know you know better" and told her that "In my day, children were expected to give up their seats to adults". So you made an assumption that she "knew better" and that's the assumption I was challenging. And you made an assumption that children should give up their seats to adults over college age. That was also challenged. Then you sat and fumed because this woman didn't share your assumptions and went and started an interent disucssion forum. Now you seem upset that not everyone on this forum is agreeing with your assumptions either.
Some might consider you as dissecting the woman's behaviour to a minute degree over what is a relatively minor issue. When your behaviour in the interaction that you brought under discussion is examined, then all of a sudden it is minutia to you. You can't have it both ways. Either the issue is worth discussing and dissecting or it isn't.
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caliber
Imperative is your word. I didn't tell her it was imperative that her kids do any particular thing
.Jackie, I told her what it was like when I was a child. I didn't tell her what she should believe
.The words imperative and polite hint do not mean the same thing ! You can not stretch word meanings without stretching the truth !
Stretching the truth makes your points thinner & expose the ultimate intent.. making your point at all cost ! -
TheSilence
Why would either of us be offended?
Perhaps because he was presuming to tell you how to raise your grandson, which is not his business. It's not as though he were just imparting knowledge. He was clearly making a judgment, just as you did, and made that judgment clear in front of the child. If you had an issue with what had happened speaking to the mother off to the side and sharing your opinion is one thing. Openly questioning how she raises her children in front of her children is quite another. And if that is not what you did, because you seem to be downplaying it now, the tone of your opening post certainly makes it seem as though you did.
Jackie
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FlyingHighNow
I'll say it again. And you who are thinking about this to a very, very complex degree can disagree. Some people don't teach their children manners. Grrrrr. In this case, one parent didn't teach her children a particular manner. It's been a couple of days now. The grrr has evaporated. I still feel what the woman did was exasperating. I am glad I resisted the urge to say anything else to her. I hope she will think about what I said. Maybe she will. I'll say something else. I enjoy passionate people and at least I can say some of you are very passionate. And that's a compliment.
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FlyingHighNow
Perhaps because he was presuming to tell you how to raise your grandson, which is not his business.
No, he would be enlightening us on his culture and that the okay sign is offensive. If he is being assertive about being offended, that is something understandable. He isn't telling me how to raise my grandson. He is telling us something offended him.
Caliber, thank you. That's exactly what I was giving the lady, an assertive, but polite hint.
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TheSilence
In this case, one parent didn't teach her children a particular manner.
That's true, she did not teach her child not to give up his seat to an adult... just as your mother did not teach you that it is rude to question a parent on how they raise their child over a minor issue in front of the child. This is where I will insert my "you should know better" look.
I enjoy passionate people and at least I can say some of you are very passionate. And that's a compliment.
I hope that means I have not offended you, which was not my intent. I just wondered if you didn't perceive how you yourself came across in the situation... or at the very least in your rant about the situation.
Jackie
