by Mickey mouse 140 Replies latest jw experiences
Thanks Scarred for life I really believe the only way to purge the whole JW sickness is education. But I have to admit that even through education there is always a part of the brain that is still playing the tape. Obviously, for me it is so since I am typing on this board. Seems like I leave for awhile, but gravitate back to folks who understand that part of me.
Leslie
Leslie:
Yeah, same here. I just discovered this forum on July 1 and I sometimes go for weeks without logging on but i keep coming back because this is the only place I have to talk about this old JW stuff that is still a part of me and has had such an influence on my life and family.
Wow . Interesting thread. As some of you know I was raised as a witness from birth and was in till age 44 ( 5 years ago ) . Although my parents were decent and raised me with care and love , still , I think they would have been those kind of people without JW influence. That being said I lost a lot of opportunities being involved with the witnesses for so long - no college education , even though I'm self employed - I would have rather pursued a sports career , music career, singing, or even have become a psychologist perhaps. Those were my fields of interest - but because of being a witness I was not allowed the time needed to pursue those careers.
I am a pretty stable , sane person - however it took a couple of years of being out of the witnesses for me to forget about Armageddon and realize it was a crock of $hit lie put forth to keep us all in fear and feel guilty. The biggest thing I have overcome is not having to worry about answering to an organization anymore. It feels great ! It is the freedom of free , critical thinking I value the most and being able to use my mind and not being told or forced what to believe by " cult mind control". To me - it can be THAT subtle damage which keeps controlling ex-witnesses because they don't educate themselves enough after leaving the witness cult to find out why and how they were so mind controlled. Once you come to a realization of how you were conned - it's much easier to press on in your life and minimize the damage which occured from being a witness. It takes time to get there, but each person learns and moves on at their own pace. So yes some of us have suffered subtle damages from being in a mind control cult - but there are proactive steps we can take to improve our lives . Just my take
Okay put it another way: is it possible for a child to be exposed to human society and not be damaged by it?
Good point, Slimboy. A parent that is too permissive, a parent that is too strict, being raised by meth heads, being raised by hardcore bible thumpers, parents that think you are just a burden, there are a million ways to screw up a child!
Lady Lee, here's my problem, I "get" that children have been abused by their JW parents however saying that not having birthdays or holidays causes the same damage as sexual abuse, that's a stretch, I really think that there could never be any comparison. My other major problem just has to do with fairness, yes the witnesses are misguided but the abuse thing is not universal, not every JW beats their kid or sexually molests them, it's not as universal as reading this board makes it sound, in your case your number was up the second you were born, you just happened to have horrible parents who happened to be JW's and by the sound of it really poor taste in men as well. Your problems go deeper than just having been raised a witness.
First off, I must say for most people, these issues are not insurmountable...for most. For those people however, it generally takes time and depends on the amount of support and personal fortitude, as well as length of time and how much family they leave in or leave with. Getting out when you are 20 means you have a greater chance of stability and life than many who exit at 40. Time is not always on the side of us as humans.
I think Lola that you simplify the abuse by JWism as a whole and seem to want to relegate it to a holiday or a celebration here or there. It is much more complex. A JW child grows up being taught and told that he will not graduate. He will not marry. He will not get old. He will not die. That alone is an extreme form of mental abuse as it keeps the child distant and disassociated from those around him - being told, don't draw close to others in the world, even family relatives, because they will not see the new system of things. Those teachings, being taught not to plan or think of a future, takes away hope and goals and sets a path for many JW adults in that they do not and are unable to recognize the necessity of a good job, or a good marriage, or a pension or perhaps even a vacation. You are taught as a child to hate the world today with a promise that it will be more beautiful tomorrow. That is abusive in that it takes all joy out of today and leads to emotional and mental issues like depression which in turn can lead to suicide.
Growing up as a JW child, you are taught obedience and loyalty first to the society. This means that if you choose to get married and have children, you do not have the same adherence to responsibility toward your family that you should have. They come second at all times and you are taught that people are not the priority...the organization is. That is a form of abuse on it's own and a JW cannot even recognize that. They see no problem with shunning their own children and will tell the child that they should die rather than be 'part of the world'....do you not see the abuse in that? It doesn't matter if that child is 5 or 9 or 15 or 30 or 47....wishing your family member would die rather than seeing them live well and healthy and good lives, telling them that - that is abuse.
Then there is the issue of being taught that you will die for the organization if you must. Taught that even as a small child, if you must have a blood transfusion, you would stand firm and die instead. Taught that you will die for the society as a child - how many of those children died without understanding they stood for nothing, during the Holocaust? How many little children were raped and murdered in Malawi - willingly suffered because they were taught expectation of persecution for their faith? How many little children have been taught that speaking up when abused to those they revered - seeking help for molestation from their Elders - meant returning to the abuser having been advised to 'wait on Jehovah' or 'be a better' little kid. Abuse of the innocent by those in power and control.
Abuse is not just a holiday here or there - although lack of family celebrations does go a long way toward dismantling family unity...it is about all the junk that sits inside the head of a child day after day, year after year, as they sit inside the Kingdom Hall listening to how bad the world is and how safe they are if they only stay inside. That junk is hard to get rid of and some never do.
sammieswife.
If memory serves, Lola actually joined the JW's as a youth on her own. Without family insistence. She then left as a young adult. She had no family in. She did not spend her formative years in the cult. Her comments above about not celebrating birthdays or holidays, shows just how shallow her understanding of the subject actually is.
For many of us that were raised with a cult mentality.....it is way more then the holliday's. I was taught to do well in school so that we would always put Jeh in the right light to others, but when I received a four year scholarship to college was told that it would be a waste to attend since the big A would be here before I graduated. So as you can see what a mind f**k it all is. Told to do well, not because your are a capable person or that your parents are proud of you, but because you can not bring reproach on Jeh's name. It is never ever about the child.
Children need support for who they are, not what your religion defines you as. The JW religion as other fundemental religions teach and train by brainwashing into believing....the problem for kids is that this is done in the formative years of brain development. That is why many of us will always have that tape playing in our brain that makes us please others, isolate ourselves from the "worldly people" and never feel that we fit in anywhere. Unless you have been raised with this insanity I do not believe one can totally get it. JMO
Leslie
A little boy of 8 years old attends the Kingdom Hall with his family - faithfully. The family is devout - whatever the Watchtower says is the way they live. They are poor and the only toys the little kid has are his box of plastic soldiers from which he derives great joy and childish escape. He sits in his room or out in the yard playing for hours with his soldiers, making up their conversations as he goes along. There are no Saturday morning cartoons, no birthdays, no parties...but he has his little plastic soldiers.
He goes to the Kingdom Hall one Sunday and the talk of the day is all about how angry and unhappy Jehovah is with those who engage in play when they could be out in service. Jehovah's people do not engage in war activity and they understand that even a small thing like war play is wrong. It makes Jehovah unhappy. Jehovah is always watching and we must act in a way that pleases him because he is always there.
The little kid goes home and he and his brother go into their room. They look at those little toy soldiers and begin whispering to one another about what they should do...Jehovah is listening and he is watching and they want to do what makes him happy.
They gather up all of those plastic toys - the only thing that allows them to be a child - the only thing that takes them from the adult world of knocking on doors into a space of innocent play - and they take them out to a big metal drum in the back yard. There, under the watchful eye of Jehovah, understanding that he can see them and approving of how good they are, they burn all of those little plastic soldiers. And now they have nothing. They realize that Armeggedon is coming tomorrow and they will have other toys so they try not to cry.
There is no childhood. The Watchtower steals away that innocence. They steal away security and hope and emotion - all of that can take place in the new system of things. Maybe they can watch cartoons after Armegeddon. They steal away the right of a child to be a child and put fear and garbage into their head and most of all, they teach a child, that their happiness is undeserved. That their time is nothing if not handed over to the organization. That their pleasure is not earned.
They set those small boys up for struggle against low self esteem as they push harder and harder to be worthy of Jehovah and it's organization.
If you saw a mother take all of her childs toys and drag the child outside and if she force them to watch her burn all their belongings while they stood by and sobbed ...as she told them they were bad and didn't deserve anything...you'd say 'how abusive'. Most people would want CPS to investigate to find out what other 'damage' that woman is doing to treat her kids so badly.
The Watchtower teaches small children to abuse themselves...they teach the child to forgo pleasure and play..to give up all they have and want to be..but they do it in subtle ways by fear and guilt - Jehovah is unhappy, he is watching..make him happy - and so the child doesn't need his mother or father to abuse him ...the society calls it a 'conscience matter'. Let them do it to themselves. The problem is that a child cannot understand that level of sophisticated emotional and mental abuse and is an easy prey....that's abuse. sammieswife.
Bcksbks:
Thanks. You've explained a lot about Lola.
Sammieswife and LeslieV:
Beautiful posts. I agree with every word. Thanks.
BTW - the story about the little boy and his toy soldiers is true. It is profoundly sad and enlightening all at the same time and so for me, anyone who dare believe that exposure to the Watcthower is not abusive or dangerous, clearly shows a lack of comprehension in the growth and development of a child. Children grow into adults - sammieswife.
