Hello All. I know some of you know me by my posts...as someone very much on the "fence". Recently, I had made an effort to start coming back to meetings after being inactive for 2+ years. During that time, I did have a prescription drug problem following an injury. I confessed that recently, met with Elders, and was then disfellowshiped (DF) last night. They said I seemed repentant, though because I had not been to meetings long enough, they thought showing my repentance through being DF'd would be the best way towards "true" repentance. To be honest, I was shocked that I was DF'd since I know in my heart I was/am very repentant...and my acts were, in fact, my coming back to meetings on my own - not to mention getting help with my addiction. I left the meeting with my asking if there was any way I could not have been DF'd - perhaps there was something more I should have been doing to show the "acts which befit repentance". They answered by saying they simply felt there was no way for me to show repentance except through the long haul of now coming back from being DF'd. Essentially that answered the question with: "No, there was no way you could not have been Df'd from the point of you telling us what your problem was". I am going to appeal the decision based upon the seemingly contradictory approach to repentance. The WTBTS says "only willful, unrepentant sinners are DF'd". If you have to be DF'd to show your repentance, than that statement is not true. Any other thoughts? Johhny
Disfellowshiped Last Night - Elder Question
by johnnyc 91 Replies latest jw experiences
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DaCheech
I say teach them a lesson in love (or lack thereof). don't come back; and tell them off for what they are: PHARASEES.
say: you're fired!
find some new friends, real ones
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DaCheech
in other words:
don't go and when they call to see what's up.... tell them "it's your friggin fault"
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StAnn
First, congratulations on overcoming your addiction. It is very tough and many people aren't able to recover.
Disfellowshipping has very little, if anything, to do with repentance. It's all about control. Some other people in the congregation probably know you had a substance abuse program and the elders want to make an example of you. You have to prove yourself to the ELDERS, not to God.
The last thing a person who is in recovery needs is to be shunned and have their life made harder. If you backslide, they'll say, "See, we were right to DF!" Nice of them to provide you with support right now, when you need it most, huh? Yeah, right.
The elders are your Lord, your ruler, your master. You will do what they say and jump through their hoops if you want to be part of the congregation. They do not love you or care about you. This is about them being able to make themselves feel relevant in the world, a big fish in a small pond. It makes them feel good about themselves, as if they are important, to kick you while you're down. It's called emotional battery.
This is that love you hear so much about, love in action.
Welcome to the real world of the JWs.
Serena
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yknot
That is beyond stupid !...... I could see some hardliners going for reproof.....but DF! Things happened during your inactivity, you have shown attonment via getting clean, confessing and returning to the meetings..... WTF! Does a Elderwife or daughter have the hots for you or something? I bet it is a freakin' test! Oh well .....time to start boning up on WTS legalism... Elder's manual- http://www.4shared.com/file/62487460/676fa4ef/1991-Pay-Attention-Elders-Manual_with_NOTES.html
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AudeSapere
Sorry to learn of your DF'g.
Why, oh why! would you even consider reporting yourself to the elders? Just a few visits to this site you must have seen what has happened to others who confessed - even to past 'sins'.
If you want some info and dialog on 'confession', you may want to look at some old posts by the poster 'Confession'. This was a serious topic for him and he has done some in-depth reporting on JWD regarding it.
Good Luck.
-Aude.
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Galileo
I have known more than one elder that had an obvious problem with prescription drugs. One of them called me after I had had an accident to see if I had any Vicodin left over, because his doctor wouldn't give him any more. A public needs talk in our hall addressed this issue shortly after, but he was never removed as an elder. I think your appeal has a chance, but you know the saying: Be careful what you wish for. Why do you want anything to do with this cult?
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sammielee24
The WTBTS says "only willful, unrepentant sinners are DF'd". If you have to be DF'd to show your repentance, than that statement is not true. Any other thoughts? Johhny
The thought is - they aren't interesting in helping you, they are only interested in controlling you. There is no standard of repentance that a group of men in the back room are in any position to make because it isn't their right to judge you. It's all about power. Who controls who. There are people who have shown their repentance by going to meetings for years, sitting alone, being shunned and then when the time had passed enough they asked to be reinstated, only to have the elders tell them that they hadn't done enough. It's really a joke. A way for little fishes in this big world to feel like sharks in a little sea..it's all they have. A religion that chooses to ignore the needy in their congregations and instead expells and then shuns them instead, is not a religion that I would want to partner with. Witnesses call everyone in the hall 'friends'...unfortunately they don't know the meaning of the word and it's not until one is out that one truly understands that.
Good luck Johnny...sammieswife.
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Perhaps they will start disfellowshipping diabetics for drug and insulin "addiction". Why not DF those taking high blood pressure meds or anti-depressants? Pain medication is needed very often and can result in dependance. That can then be treated and the person can move on.
From your side of the story, I see no reason to DF. But since they did, you are under no obligation to "maintain confidentiality". Let everyone know that you were DFd because you had been on prescription pain killers and were treated for dependence. They disfellowshipped you because they wanted you "more repentant". Well, what better way to be "more repentant" than to tell everyone that you're being shunned because of a prescription you took after an injury.
Don't elders realize how stupid they look if people start openly talking about what's going on behind closed doors?
B the X
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reniaa
It does sound harsh and I think you have grounds for appeal.
I think some on here can give you info on how to do that.properly but if not goto an elder you know well and ask for details on how to Appeal formally they will be obliged to tell you,
I know some that have appealed and had df's squashed.
I wish you well