by Awakened at Gilead 108 Replies latest members private
dawg said:
Yet, I've never heard from anyone that can offer proof that method works;
Hmmm,
ithinkisee,
amazing,
passwordprotected,
just 3 examples that quickly spring to my mind.
We often see what we want to see.
Whatever blows your dress up.
Good for you A@G. I notice there are no kids in your equation. That's a good thing.
Cheers,
om
Awakened, I could not be happier! I am tearing up with joy (I guess it's pretty amazing how we get to know and love one another through our stories here.)
We all know exactly what is going to happen if she writes that letter to the society. Just the fact that she would consider that is of tremendous magnitude.
Here's hoping and praying.
Love to you both,
Baba.
she felt that I was emotionally unstable to shun her
Unlike...?
dismiss her as being affected by her apostate husband
I really think that will be the wake-up call - how they treat her, just for being married to you. And, in later posts, I see that seems to be the case...
being affected by her apostate husband
Yes eventhough they elders say that being married to a DF'd person isn't grounds for divorce they still try to drive a wedge between the couple. just like you are experiencing.
I like how they tell her that she is being affected by you. As if she can't see the errors in the JW ways herself. Women shouldn't think unless the man doe sit for them.
The same thing happened to me. My hubby wasn't apostate just DF'd ( he had an attitude) When I expressed a concern. I was being brainwashed by my hubby. LoL
We've been married for 14 years still together but no longer JW's. I'm glad I had an open mind when my husband brought up questions.
Thanks for sharing more about how all these relationship/group factors interplay. I'm taking note.
Lance, I hope I didn't offend you by my -perhaps- blunt post. I don't want to be a ball-breaker or anything; I want to give you the support you deserve. I want you to know that you inspire a lot of courage in me--because, from what I see, you're driven without being wreckless, and are very discriminating in this whole matter. I'm more and more of the mind that what really matters is whether we feel we're oppressed by our in-admission of our beliefs. Everyone deserves to feel accepted, by society and the family unit.
DP,
Already said, no offense taken.... I post on here since I want to hear all sides... and if I am out of line I will recognize that.
Each of us are living our lives differently and we are all suffering our own personal tragedies due to the WT influence. I wrestle with my thoughts and ideas everyday and I question if I am doing the right thing. It's not easy to deal with closeminded JW thinking coming at you from others. I am on the offensive though with my dealings with JWs. I'm not walking around with a sandwich voard but I do send out emails and the like to express my dissatisfaction with the WT. And I send out letters and emails to my family that is shunning me. I won'ty take it sitting down. They have to see the hypocrisy of their ways, and I will make sure that I will make their shunning me as painful as possible.
L
Good for you, A@G. I'm behind you all the way.
Thanks Sacolton,
As I said, that's still on the table, but her begining to think makes me think that we can save what we have after all...
Dawg,
Most people "fade" to keep relationships intact that might otherwise be destroyed if one was direct and forthright in their condemnation of WT Society. I rarely hear somebody fading for the sole purpose of getting others out. If you have many immediate family members IN for example, I could easily see the value of fading away rather than risk losing every one of those relationships permanently. I could list pages and pages of people here, posting on this website over the years, that have done just that and still have meaningful relationships specifically because of this exact approach. But if one does fade, they almost HAVE TO keep quiet about their true feelings. Not always easy to do to say the least.
On the other hand many close family ties have been LOST altogether because of the direct, "tell em how it is" approach, as well as by faders that cannot keep quiet. I just read yesterday how Maddie recently lost her son and granddaughter for saying too much. And I know dozens of others just like her. So I would personally hold back from criticizing those that decide to fade away rather than disassociate or allowed to be disfellowshipped for personal reasons such as above. And this comes from a man that DID disassociate, for the record.
Awakened from Gilead,
I have said many times, including on your earliest threads, that one of the major advantages of disassociating is that close family will SEE --with their own eyes-- how unfairly you will be treated for simply disagreeing and walking away. This was huge for me and for getting my family OUT. My step daughter was a reg pioneer when I DA'd. And she then saw how crazy and unreasonably the JW's responded. Local needs talks about me. Offers from other elders to allow her to MOVE IN with them. Watching me get shunned while they ran up to give her hugs. It's very telling when you see it from this perspective.
This appears to be what's happening to your wife. But you still need to give her enough room to let it happen, IMO.
The very same thing worked with my wife. In her own words, "I needed to allow her to come to her own conclusions", rather than pushing MY CONCLUSIONS on her. Otherwise the end may have been completely different, so she tells me. It took her less than six mos to get out. And watching the injustice heaped on me, by JW's, with labeling, condemning and shunning was a significant part of that process.
But you are pushing this thing very hard IMHO. It may work out. But it can also send her running back to momma.
Let her see you moving on with a better, more quality life than before. This will make a difference.
Let her continue to see the friends acting unreasonable and watch how she will defend you. This will make a difference. (And is happening now)
Continue to place carefully selected "ISSUES" before her, but then remember the value of allowing her to come to HER OWN CONCLUSIONS... IN HER OWN TIME.
But make no mistake about it, those close to you that SEE THE UNFAIR CONSEQUENCES of what happens when a JW disassociates is usually underrated. It can have a very powerful effect.
The JW's unfair response often begins digging the WT Society's own grave for you. It CAN BE very eye opening and persuasive. Is like having an ace up your sleeve from my experiences.
But if it fails to click, then you are usually left with nothing else to use, and also, often without many people you once had.
I hope she continues to see the light with you.
And I also hope you give her the time needed to allow it all to sink in.
A hui hou,
Vinny
