(((Crumpet))) Thank you so much for sharing like you have! Don't ever stop believing your lovely, (and not bad) I have not been here long, but I totally enjoy your personality and spirit. It takes a lot of courage to share deepest moments and issues. Sharing also helps those around us to open up and share too, it helps to make us all a little more real. Your support and advice has been awesome, sometimes simply being in a sad place in life can help us provide the best wisdom and support because we "know" the feeling and how to support due to knowing exactly what is needed. The hardest thing though, for me as well, is to revert that "love" "unconditional caring" and support back at ourselves.. we all need to learn how to hugs ourselves too, although it takes conscious practice.
I too have struggled with depression on and off since 35, looking back now, when life truly became obvious to me in my mind. My worst depression hit me just this past winter, it was very bad, I understand the feeling of not wanting to move, speak, or to just get out of bed, and laying there with the only thought in mind, please dont let me wake up. The most important person in my life, who is my daughter, my love for her could not break me out of that nearly dead place. Finally due to this very bad time, I have since had a diagnosis as well, did the psychological assessment.. talked and talked.. providing a rather detailed review of life experiences. The outcome, Major Depression, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder. In the final written diagnosis the Doc clearly stated these issues are an outcome of the abuses experienced as a JW, as well as other abuses, but all stemming from that time period. Medication was prescribed, as well as cognitive therapy.. talk therapy. Things are certainly alot better, but not one hundered percent.. the greatest amount of healing will be from the therapy. Looking back, I know the extreme emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and what the therapist describes as ritual abuse is at the head of these issues, although I am certainly already predisposed to having some sort of mental illness, it is more pronounced due to experiences.
The best thing I have done since this recent crash, is rejoin the gym, I have found it the best way to self heal brain chemical levels. As well, practicing the cognitive therapy on my own, by just talking, and sharing with others who care.
My daughter also was diagnosed as bi polar this past year, she is an amazing young woman, amazes all with her intelligence and wisdom beyond her years, is an amazing writer and artist.. as well has mood swings that are sometimes hard for her to manage with. She has learned to use her creativity to control her moods quite effictively by writing, drawing, and focussing her attention on activist issues, things she feels passionate about.
A warm hug to you Crumpet, "Let us practice flying together"
LTF
