Mental Illness - diagnosed for me

by Crumpet 133 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Crumpet

  Thank you RAF so sweet. Ninja - so funny as usual. Your wife's life must be hell or do you just take it all out on us! ;-)

  Tyrone - I hope I dont experience the murderous side - that could be really bad. Next time my thread will read first female serial killer since Aileen rampages Britain! Argghh! I;d love to hear any of your experiences - please share - this thread is about the illness, and the reason I am sharing DESPITE THE FACT I AM A BIT SCARED NO NONE OF YOU WILL WANT TO MEET ME AGAIN is that I want to explain my absences from here, and what I am doing about it as well as to get other people's experiences and what has worked for them or those they love.

  Coco you do write beautifully and I am glad you have that crfeative side. Quietlyleaving the highs are amazing, but I hadnt actually considered that other people dont have these...I thought its just one of those things we dont discuss. Harnesing its is exactly what I wamt to do.

  Sweetpea - I agree as soon as she said this I thought of Stephen Fry. You know what I watched that whole series avidly and sat their nodding yes, yes, yes, yes and then but ah I'm not a genius like Stephen Fry ( a man I have always wanted to meet, but wouldnt on account of feeling too stupid) so I therefore my magnificent powers of deduction concluded I didnt have anything wrong.

  Hellrider - so when did you start noticing any kind of oddness or disparities that led you to seek help. And how come it took 10 years. The reason I have never been diagnosed is that I conceal my problems quite well most of the time, ie by not associating with work colleagues, by saying something else is physically wrong when episodes strike and quite honestly I do the physical symptoms do occur anyway so I dwell on them to explain my absence rather than the mental strain. I didnt ask for help because I wasnt ready to accept I needed it. Even now I find it quite hard to think about accepting the help or if I really qualify or deserve it. Its very hard to get my head round it.
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  tijkmo

  hey nina - stephen fry did some research into his bipolar disorder..

  it was shown on tv and as you can imagine being stephen it was funny as well as informative.

  not sure if you can get hold of the show but the research is here http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/tv_and_radio/secretlife_index.shtml

  one of the points he made was that most sufferers would not take a complete cure if it means sacrificing the highs and the creativity. but knowing whats wrong does help with coping with the lows.

  hope you continue to improve.

  ian x
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  Tyrone van leyen

  If you ever want to go to a bi polar convention, just attend the next assembly of Jehovah's Wtinesses. Sorry my humour is always so dark.
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  Elsewhere

  Thanks if you read this far down., If you didn't, NAUGHTY!

  I'm so naughty.
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  jgnat

  Well, if you were to be diagnosed with a mental illness, this is the one you want to get. We have the best meds and the highest success rate with bipolar disorder. Think of it as diabetes for the brain. Gotta control those highs and lows so you don't get pushed off the edge. Also like diabetes, it's a lifetime diagnosis. Take the time to learn your cycles and when you are high and when you are low. How long does it take you to run through a cycle?

  When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, I kept a detailed diary of everything I ate and how I felt. Lo and behold, there was a direct connection between sugary foods and feeling like crap an hour later. Learning to listen to my body made it so much easier to change my lifestyle. I suggest you do the same, tracking your moods on a scale from one to ten and what you were doing at the time. Learning to self-monitor is key to control. Your family and friends will cry with joy as you learn to do this.

  You won't be able to control this illness without chemical intervention, but the drugs they use are very effective these days, with fewer side-effects. Lithium was the first cure. If they put you on lithium, blood levels will have to be checked regularly, as it builds in your system and too much is toxic. But the cure, tears, the cure is beautiful. Just watch it. There will be some interesting times at the beginning balancing them out and working out the best dosage, just be patient. If the drugs make you too drowsy, ask to try a slightly lower dose. Once you start feeling much more balanced, don't go off them.

  Congratulations on facing your fears and fighting through to diagnosis. I predict good days ahead.
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  middlechild

  hey, babe. it's me...you have been such a dear to me. i want to say that you will never know how much you have helped me, but, alas, i think you do know. your words of encouragement, "constructive" criticism (LOL), celebratory dances of joy, and so much more have been everything i have needed and i have been so happy to share with you. glad we could give you something so crazy to "work" on!! :)

  you will get through this one day at a time. you will get control of your life. you have done an amazing job getting to where you are at all on your own. i will continue to be here for you, each and every day. through each and every high and low. i will continue to support you, encourage you, give you constructive criticism as needed, check in on you. you are a dear friend that i am so glad has entered my life. and again, you may have helped save mine. i love you and will cherish our friendship forever.
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  Tyrone van leyen

  Well , I know you noticed I was gone for a while. I live alone as you know. Just this last week my parents and brothers have actually been pretty good to me but I don't hear that way when I get into my moods. They are the enemy. I ripped my mother a new one, I ripped my father a new one and even my brother. When I'm alone here and I even drop a pencil or lose something or froget something, I curse the father the son and the holy ghost relentlessy all day \. I swear loud and vocally and no one is even here. I talk to God but in a very vile and profane way. I get so effin angry I even take sides with Satan. Its as ugly as hell. I can turn on people in an instant.

  When I was taking my meds I don't know what happened but I have written about it on this board before. It bugs the effin shit out of me that no one paid any attention to it actually when I wrote about it. I could look at the sky and instead of seeing its majesty I was in horror, in realizing how small I was in relation to its vsatness. It was like as I have said before,sucked into a vortex. I would watch TV and there would be nothing but meaningless images flasing by hour after hour. I got thoughts I didn't want like cutting my ex wifes head off and putting it in the oven. I was looking at people like meaningless blobs of meat that had to be eliminated. I knew this all wasn't right but couldn't control it. It felt as if my brain was growing inside my head. I could not escape any of this through sleep either. I think I was looking a t my ex wife like I wanted to kill her and it scared her.

  This lasted for what seemed like at least a few months. I couldn't trust myself anymore and that is when I dedided to medetate with all my strength on rejecting evil. I used to chant it in my head while lieing in bed. My sessions with the phychiatrist were just bitching screaming yelling and cursing. I overcame whatever the fxxx happened to me eventually and that is why I know I don't need God to rid me of evil. I was prepared to die if it meant hurting someone even though I felt no value for there life. I'm glad the phychosis ended. I am in deep fear of taking meds. It has been learned only afterwards that meds such as prozac and others have driven people to suicide. I aint no guinea pig. I have tried tons of street drugs and never been that god dam fxxxed up in my life except for when I overdosed on two hits of blue Unicorn but I actually think It was poisened with stricnine. That I wrote about as well, on the Phychadelic mind thread which was also ignored. I havn't had a good life. Ihave no happy memories. I was writing a bit of my bio yesterday and destroyed it again. I almost posted it. Deep down I just have this beleif that no one really cares or that someone else has had a harder time, or that I'm just trying to get attention. You wouldn't beleive my bio.
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  sweet pea

  Crumps - you have a pm.
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  Vyla

  I appreciate your willingness to be so open and to put yourself in what often our society might say is a "vulnerable" light, but you are doing a tremendous service to others in diseminating this information.
  
  This is my first post on this forum and I actually wanted to write about my observations on depression and mental illness among Jehovah's Witnesses. I apologize if I am straying off your story to provide my own input, but hope that we both contribute to the overall education of others. My observations herein are not intended to be about "physical" depression, but more about mental depression based on non-physical causes.

  My sister remains an active JW and we are fairly close, although I left the organization many years ago. She respects my opinions and I believe she sees that my life is filled with my own sense of "deep spirituality". In each moment, I feel strongly comforted that I am exactly where I should be, surrounded and guided by spirit. She tends to be unhappy and is often, very judgmental of other witnesses and over the years, three of her female friends have committed suicide. At this time, she is aware of deep depression suffered by several other of her friends. Rather than being supportive of these friends and their suffering, she tends to criticize them. Often, I am the one who reminds her to be compassionate and that these are "real physical" symptoms, that these friends are not indulging in this behavior for attention - it is obviously a real struggle for them.

  I recently asked her if she was concerned about what I believe is a high rate of depression in JWs and she commented "not at all" - that in her work, she encounters a high number of people suffering from stress and depression - that it is symptomatic of our society (ours - not "theirs" ). My response was for the last 12 years or so, I have been working with organizations that are "non-profits" and normally, service organizations. I interact with people on a daily basis that are involved in "causes that they believe in". In all these years, I have not encountered anyone (that I am aware of) suffering from depression. Everyone I meet or deal with is usually extremely upbeat and and positive in their life outlook. These people involved in service work seem to feel true satisfaction in their life's work - that they are making a difference or significant impact on the world. Which makes me wonder why do JWs, whose life purposes are supposed to be dedicated to "service to others" are suffering so much from depression. Is it that their service is not HEARTFELT? That they are driven by fear, rather than a true commitment to their beliefs?

  Just curious what others might think here about this.

  Thanks and again, I apologize as this meanders off of "physical" depression...

  v.
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  nvrgnbk

  Glad you're getting things worked out.

  You're a special person, Crumpet.

  Look at the posts here, your heart is loved by so many.

  We're proud of you.

  Best wishes

  Nate