I'm new and nervous!

by kitten whiskers 90 Replies latest jw friends

  • Balsam

    Kitten Whiskers,

    Honey that fear can hang around awhile feeling like Jehovah is going to destroy you. I've been out 5 years and doing super, but I had a trip coming up to Las Vegas on an Airplane and that old fear gave me pause. I'm disfellowshipped and hear all the time how disf'ed people die with no hope of a resurrection. Well that old thought popped up and I just made myself laugh about and say how silly it was. It hung with me for the whole trip though in the back of my mind even the flight home. When we got home I knew I was ok. You'll get better and that fear will lessen till it is gone one day. Just knowing it is all baloney really helps and realizing that it is just the conditioning you recieved all your life will set you free.


  • Gilberto
    A little background on me: I was raised in the "truth" and have also had to overcome the fear of Jehovah destroying me for not agreeing with the Society. Still get nervous about if I am doing the right thing (feeling as if I am about to shake in fear quite literally),

    Hi KW

    My wife was brought up in the "truth", she had these feelings aswell. When she came to the decision she couldn't go anymore she felt like she was playing a lottery (what if they are right?) When I called the WT "baloney", she recoiled a little and felt I shouldn't say that.

    I got her Crisis of Conscience and showed her this site and others. You want to hear what she calls the WT now.

    All the best.


  • kitten whiskers
    kitten whiskers

    Warning: This is extremely long. Please forgive me!

    Oh my gosh you guys! I just checked in (feeling quite blue tonight,very lonly) and you all just picked me up and put a little wag in my tail, a little zip in my "doo dah".

    Honeybee, it is like we are made from the same mold! Almost identical experiences! It was like you have a window into my heart and I appreciate so much you taking the time to reach out to me. It is so easy to read a post sometimes and agree or think of your experience, but quite another to share and build up another! I really needed that. I too have a spiritual need that must be filled for me to be happy. Unfortunatly the last couple weeks we havn't been able to go to a church. One week we were sick, the next out of state meeting witness family for a big get together. (They don't know how far we've jumped ship yet. Just think we're inactive.) So MUCH stress with all of that and I would have gone to almost ANY church while we were there to just shake out some of the jw brainwashing I had to listen to the whole time. Anyhow, here we are back home. Feeling depressed all week. Cried a little tonight about the family situation and no friends while hubby held me in embrace (yeah, a self-made pity party with all the monthly hormones to fuel it). I was so hungry to read the bible (couldn't bear to pack a NWT for the trip or my new NIV for fear someone would question me if they saw it) I grabbed the Gideon bible they wonderfully had in each of the hotel rooms to read before bed. Upon getting home though and the depression, I haven't really opened it but once to search for a particular scripture. Just lost the feeling of the wonderful message for us. Kept associating it with jws for some reason. Maybe subconsciously like i was undeserving. And then we get a friendly visit from an elder and ms today with 17 magazines and the new tract along with the dates for the assemblies (until next August!) . Thank God the ms's wife and kids came too and my kids were outside playing and so her babies wanted to so we sat outside on the porch to watch them while my poor dear hubby entertained the elder and ms inside.

    Oh well. Probably time for the co visit and they must be keeping one issue of each magazine in our cubby at the literature counter to bring to us (17!) I'm wondering if they count them as placements seeing we've been inactive and haven't attended since January! I think xmas weekend was my last meeting.

    Sorry to ramble, but it seems like they show up when I'm lowest.Always make me second guess my decision. But this time, I feel better. I glanced at some of the articles "Have you left Jehovah" in the september issue i think. I involuntary shake a little, but my mind, MY MIND, not theirs (like you said) tells me what an evil scare tactic it is. Follow us or God will kill you. I'm so tired of the fear. I know you are right about reading the bible (at least for me) that you see things so much differently when God directs you in your reading instead of thinking you have to have the WT interpretation. It is still hard for me to grasp. I've taken communiion twice at the newest church we've attended, and was so thankful to christ for letting me a part. But then WT indoctrination gets mixed up in my head and takes away the joy and I am a beaten broken reed once again. BUT YOU HAVE LIFTED ME OUT OF THE MIRE. You reminded me I am worthwhile even if I have lost the most dear friendships of those who know we have not been faithful JW teachings. There is no love there. Only fear. Always afraid Jehovah will kill you,instead of the love we have even as parents as you so beautifully illustrated. I will read and reread all of these wonderful posts and hold them dear. Everyone of you!

    Thank you so much!

    Kitten Whishers

    P.S. Poppers- I never thought about that! Whiskers are great! What insight you have!

  • sass_my_frass

    Hiya kitten and welcome. I'm 1.5 years out and it gets better every week. It's a long and slow process, I think it will take many years before I can go a few days without thinking about the lost family... but I don't get those little bolts of fear anymore, ('am I doing the right thing'). I just know that I am, because life is infinitely better now.

    Keep it together...

  • plmkrzy
  • mouthy

    I just feel like giving you all a hug this morning.....(((((((((HUG)))))) for those who are doubting.Hang in there & keep reading some of the stories on board. To the writing of books there is no end & there are HUNDREDS of EX JWS who have written very interesting books >>>>>From their experience with the FAITHFUL & DISCREET SLAVE!!!!! So with your own experince of their love???? & these many other experiences you will come to realise they truly are false prophets......Get a relationship !!! with the WAY! TRUTH! Life!!!! & It "aint" the WT.....

    some good books are" Saleskids The kids go to Work "By Duane Magnani( two volumes )
    Jehovahs Witnesses on Trail by Robert Finnerty
    Understanding Jehovahs Witnesses BY Robert M. Bowman
    Why we left a Cult Latayne ,C,Scott ( 6 people tell their story)
    Know the Marks of a Cult by Dave Breese
    Jehovah,s Witnesses who love the Truth By Bill Cetnar
    & of course all of Randy Watters info.

    Coping with the Cults by Lorrie MacGregor
    Pilgrimage through the WatchTower by Kevin Quick

    & many ,many more

  • Velta

    Kitten Whiskers,

    My husband and I have been out for 23 years, and I have lurked on this site for many of the last years, but only recently started posting a bit. There have been times when I thought from the ones posting that most of the posters on here did not believe in God, but had left everything they knew about Him. I am finding that it is the subject that is discussed that people reply to that brings out different posters. I respect all of them. It is hard to believe in God when you equate God with the Watchtower. We have a young woman staying with us who has rejected God because she was molested by a Catholic priest. We all have issues. So happy for you that you are finally making the steps to free yourself from the bondage of the WT. It is hard to do and it takes years for some to get completely free. I am a newbie myself here, but have felt welcomed by everyone who has answered my post. I know your experience here will be the same. We are all at different places, but we have all had the same experiences.


  • BabaYaga

    Awesome, Kitten Whiskers. Wonderful (and oh, so familiar) story.

    I see that you are not quite so new to the forums anymore, but... welcome anyway, and thanks for being here.

  • DannyBear

    I want one of JT's t-shirts! Best by xxl tho.

    KW, don't let them spook ya. The damnable religion, has such an unholy grasp on the neck's of it's adherents, that they have to calm their guilty fears by "shepherding the weak"...... its really the only pain relieving balm that makes them forget thier own miserable doubts and anxiety.

    I swear if anyone got loose in a Kingdom Hall with truth serum.....well the walls would cry out!!

    Hang in there it will only be tough for the rest of your life. (smile) Incidious cult religion makes a mark on your very soul. I have been out for over 25yrs.........I still visit this site now and then.


  • JWdaughter

    Welcome!! Glad you are bringing out the people you love the most with you. What a true blessing. Looking forward to seeing more of you.


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