So many of these posts remind me of the battered/abused wife syndrome with which I had personal experience when I was an elder.
1. It must be my fault. (vague guilt)
2. I must try to win him over by being a better wife. (appeasement)
Auld Soul, this is not even a "chicken or the egg" question as to what pissed off this element of radical fundy Islam. Their own fellow Muslims have made billions on billions with their oil and become the most decadent, filthy rich, group of people on earth. Meanwhile, their women still have to keep their faces covered and are murdered for infractions of their male dominant culture. Education? Don't even think about it.
If anything provided a focus for their frustration it was the establishment of the nation of Israel in the late forties. The Palestinians were displaced but their Islamic brethren refused to take them in or give them anything but lip service. They simply said "Gosh, those goddamn Jews and the UN really fucked you over." They are all, still, so tribal and factioned they can't even work together to fight an enemy they outnumber 8 to 1. Read "Six Days of War" by Michael B. Oren. Out of all this strife and angst has arisen what we call radical Islam. They have chosen to focus on the US as the great Satan. Well, duh. That is what we get for being the most successful nation on earth and, let's face it, we are pretty damn decadent ourselves. Meanwhile, their 'brothers', Jordan, Syria, Saudi Arabia and Egypt are having their cake (that is, not being a major focus of RadFundIslam anger) and eating it too (having prosperous relationships with the West).
If you really believe that appeasing these people is the answer then I don't know what to say to you. You might as well try standing on the tracks and smiling at a freight train.
I guess we will have to agree to disagree. But, I do resent the constant drumbeat that those of us that feel as I do are just "baaad people". At this point in time our first job is to protect ourselves as aggressively as we can. It's getting real serious out there.