LT, I have to say that I had to stop a minute this morning and look at why this was getting to me. I don't usually let it. I guess sometimes it just seems to pile up and so I said what I did out of frustration. Thanks for calling me on it.
Skyman, to you I have to say this... at first what you said disgusted me, because you would be so superficial to lose a friendship over this. But then I realized that you are confronting your prejudices and admiting them. Thats the first step. Sometimes these things are a bit irrational and we don't even know why we feel the way we do.
My son had a big issue with me when I first came out. He didn't talk to me for over a year. In fact he sent me a hateful letter and told me that if I ever tried to contact him again he would return my letters and not take my phone calls. He was not a witness, he was just prejudiced. I had told him that I had not changed who I am. I am the same person I always have been, the biggest difference is that I'm now true to myself and happier. Still the letter came and it hurt me deeply.
So I sent him cards on his birthday, christmas, valentines day, etc. But I didn't put on my return address so that I wouldn't get "return to sender." I didn't beg, I didn't plead, I just said, Love, Mom. So one day I got a phone call. It was Mike and he was crying and needed someome to talk to. He said he realized I was the one he could always talk to and that I didn't cut him off, he had chosen to deprive himself of my friendship and that he was sorry and asked me to forgive him. Of course I said yes.
So within a few days he had come over on a visit, and within a month and a half he had moved over here. One day we were walking around on Capital HIll (the gay district in Seattle). I took him into a gay shop. I could see that he was uncomfortable. So when we left I asked him about it. He said, mom there are lots of cute girls up here and I don't want them to think I'm gay. So I said, "do you know when someone is gay?" He said, usually. I said well let me tell you, they can tell you are not gay too. He said, I never thought of it that way. He now is so cool about it, he even goes to gay bars with a bunch of friends sometimes because for some strange reason they're more fun.
Anyway, there are two reasons for me telling you that story. One is that when I came out I found out who my true friends were and who my superficial friends were. The other thing is that because your friend is gay doesn't make him attracted to you. I know that you are not attracted to every single woman. Just wanted to clear that up for you!
And, again, I commend you for looking at your feelings around this and trying to come to terms with it. I think thats progress. We're all a work in progress, I know I am.
Sherry
