I am going to tell you all something that I have never admitted to anyone before, except my wife.
It is just so demanding being a witness. So freaking demanding. Besides the meetings, the family studies and the field service, both my wife and I have full time jobs and we have the children to care for. If I miss even one weekend of field service I have to answer an to an interrogation. Since becoming an elder it has just become worse. There is so much to do that I have absolutely no time for myself. No time at all.
I just came back from Elders School where we were chided that we were not doing enough and that we should have a fuller share in Jehovah's service. I was so keyed up and felt so guilty that I went to the doctor and told him about the anxiety I was feeling and the pressures that were upon me and he gave me an anti-anxiety pill. He said that I was suffering from depression. The pill is Zoloft and it does help a bit. It helps to calm me down some. Please don't think ill of me for having to take this drug. I need help.
I am a relatively young man, 29 years old. I feel old and tired and without energy, listless, lethargic. Sometimes I look in the faces of the brothers and sisters around me and they look like I feel.
The other elders do not understand my plight. They have their own circle and I am on the outside, I guess because I am the youngest. I don't really know. I was doing all that I could possibly do and now I have to be concerned about training my kids. Does it ever end?????
You are all right. In order to save my santity I have to leave this religion. I have to get out and quick. It feels good just to tell someone about this.