It Seems That My Children Are Not Trained

by Gary1914 128 Replies latest jw friends

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  Gary1914

  I just returned home from the Kingdom Hall. I am an elder.

  After the meeting all the elders were called to the Back Room. I thought this was an impromptu elders' meeting. The Presiding Overseer indicated that I was to sit in a chair off to one side, and so I did. They all faced me. I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on.

  The PO said, there are some publishers wondering why your children are not trained.

  I could not believe what he was saying. We have three children, ages 3, 4 and 6. It is true that they do not sit during still meetings holding their Bibles like little robots, but they are not loud or anything like that. They are just fidgety like some small children are. My wife and are have tried to get them to sit still, but they just won't do it. I never thought that it was a problem.

  Now, here I was being counseled for having fidgety children. They told me that because I was an elders I should set the example and that if people noticed it, that it was a problem and that my wife and I should work on it. They seemed to be saying that if my children continued to be fussy during the meetings I could no longer be an elder.

  I could feel anger rising at that point, but I suppressed it and thanked them like a good little witness and walked out.

  My wife cried for a while but she is okay now. The kids are napping.

  I have to go and lay down. I am so mentally exhausted that I don't know what to do.
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  LeftBehind

  Having loud children does distract others but I do feel that your fellow elders were out of line. Can you take them to the library and sit with them so there is no distraction?
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  jeanniebeanz

  this is unbelievable. what unloving people these witnesses are... I'm so sorry...

  J
• 

  garybuss

  
  You wrote: "I am so mentally exhausted that I don't know what to do. "

  Ha! Yes you do!
• 

  Cellist

  I've always felt sorry for the JW children. They're young lives are dominated by the commands to "sit still and be quiet" or "hurry up". It's not healthy for them.

  Cellist
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  lisaBObeesa

  Ummm...how about step down from being an elder?

  Then you don't have to worry about it, and you can raise your children the way YOU think is best!

  -Lisabobeesa

  (PS And I am really sorry they are doing this to you. What a bunch of crap.)
• 

  serendipity

  Hi Gary,

  This must have been distressing for you and your wife. Whatever you do, don't beat the kids. They will hate the meetings then, and may even dislike the parents eventually.

  Elders made remarks about my hyperactive daughter. I told them that she never sat still for more than 10 minutes, even when watching her favorite TV show. I also told them it wasn't reasonable to expect young children to sit still for long periods of time. My daughter didn't sit still for an entire meeting until she was 8 and could read well enough to follow along in the Bible and publications.

  With three kids, you have your hands full. It seems like once one kid fidgets, the others start. If your going to try to adjust the kid's behavior, you might try diet modification, rewards or different seats at the hall. I've heard that diet can affect activity levels, like sugar, artificial dyes, food sensitivities like milk and wheat. I rewarded my daughter with stickers at the meeting, since she loved stickers. If she sat still for 15 minutes, she got her choice of stickers. Of course, I didn't get much out of the meetings, getting interrupted every 15 minutes. We also went outside during the song for a brief break. She seemed to get distracted by what was happening behind her, so I allowed her to stand in the back of the hall on especially fidgety days. Some kids do better sitting at the front of the hall, where all they see is the speaker.

  Are you sure the elders aren't using this as a convenient excuse to get rid of you? I hope you find a healthy way to resolve this, for your entire family's sake.
• 

  Finally-Free

  They told me that because I was an elders I should set the example

  Yes, an example of a normal family. Normal children are figety. They are not robots, and that's a good thing. It sounds to me like there's some others in your congregation, including elders, that have a little growing up to do.

  I have been counseled many times, and never once did the counsel have anything to do with Jehovah, the scriptures, or Christian living. It was always over something utterly stupid, like having a moustache, wearing a bright tie, or taking courses. Elders are notorious for offering plenty of counsel but never opening up a bible to back up what they say.

  I reccommend my solution, as it worked quite well. I only had to do it once to stop their idiotic harrassment. I handed the PO a bible and said, "If you have something to say to me, you will show me from here or you will keep your stupid mouth shut! Period!"

  It's not likely you would remain an elder after doing it though. I would view that as an added benefit.

  W
• 

  sf

  I agree with Gary B. Yes, you do know what to do. It is only a matter of when and at what cost to your children if you don't act promptly.

  sKally
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  jgnat

  Humm, I thought the example you were to set was to raise your children in the fear and the nurture of the Lord, so that when they are old, they will not depart from it. None of your children are old, they are all very, very young. And from the sounds of it, they are also very, very normal. This counsel would be appropriate when they are 18-22 years of age, not before.

  Don't force your children in a mold that does not suit their age.

  I'd take this as a sign that you are "no longer fit" to serve as an elder and step down. Do it quickly, and let them try fill in your assignments.