It Seems That My Children Are Not Trained

by Gary1914 128 Replies latest jw friends

  • Finally-Free

    1 Tim. 5:8

    . 8 Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.

    The elder is wrong when saying the congregation is a higher priority than your family. I'm not implying that you're not fulfilling your role, but the above scripture shows where the priorities are.


  • Shakita
    He then said that the society has found that when men wanted to step down as an elder, and it was not a health reason, it was usually because something unscriptural was going on in their lives, like adultery or alcoholism or… APOSTACY. I assured him that none of these applied to me. The said that most of the letters and phone calls that came into the society nowadays was from brothers and sisters questioning the organization about the things they were teaching and asking them to explain something they had read on the internet. He said that this was a big problem and that was tired of their teachings being questioned. He then asked if I had any questions about the teachings of the Watchtower.

    I can't believe how ignorant that elder is. He is making the assumption that the only reason that you want to step down as an elder is because you are up to no good. What gives these elders a right to be judgmental? Can they read your mind and determine what is really going on in your life?

    You have a right Gary, to make your own decisions. You have a right to be treated with respect and dignity. Even though it may be hard Gary, stand up for yourself and your family. Stand your ground and insist that you are stepping down. Also insist that your decision to step down is in no way a reflection of some alleged "wrong" going on in your life.

    I once had an elder tell me that I didn't have to be an elder or a ministerial servant to make it into God's new world. His outlook was far more reasonable than the elders in your congregation. It seems to me that your elder body is on a power trip.

    So, this anal retentive elder gives you a dressing down in front of the other elders because you had the audacity to have fidgety children. Oh, the horror. Oh, the humanity! Oh God! Say it isn't so Gary! You mean your children can't sit still! You can't possibly be spiritual unless you have three robots glued to their chairs hanging on every WT word that your children can't understand.

    Instead of listening to you with love and compassion this elder was very dismissive towards you. How does that reflect the love of the Christ Gary? Instead of recognizing that you were under a great amount of stress and that you needed time to rest, this elder would have none of it. The real reason that you want to step down is because you are fraternizing with apostates. How does that judgmental stance show respect for you?

    Some other posters suggested that you change congregations. That may be a good idea. You could do that and get under the radar screen. Then if you want, you can do the slow fade. This is your life and the life of your family Gary. Don't let any person that are legends in their own minds dictate to you what you are going to do with your life. You won't regret it.

    Mr. Shakita

  • Buhdee

    I forgot how much guilt and control played into it. That leaning into it reminds me of alpha male dogs. Next time the do it, take a rolled up newspaper and whack them across the nose.

    If/when you do meet with them, have your resignation in writing. I'd also give them, in writing, until Jan.1 to find another site for the book study. That may be one reason they don't want you to quit. Do the clean sweep.

    Enjoy your kids!

  • cyber-sista

    If you sat down and told this story to someone who was not a JW or had no knowledge of how they operate they would be astounded by this story. I remember telling my psycologist all the things the elders said to me in the final part of my JW days. Even with all his years of experience I could tell that he was taken aback at times. In the end the conclusion of the matter is that he told me this religious type of controlling environment is not psycologically healthy or normal.

    It is downright weird to tell someone that their family is not as important as serving some organization. And what does being an elder serving the WT organization really mean and why is it really so important? What is the purpose of it and in the longrun will it accomplish anything of major importance in your life or in the life of your family or anyone for that matter? It is really all a bunch of hot air--dull empty speeches and the such. There is no feeding of the poor--no physical caring for the sick. And, if their is a loving god does he want the father of a family to spend all his time serving his organization instead of taking care of his own family? What sort of god would demand this and say "serve me first forget about the wife and kids--I command this of you". Gary, this is truly crazy making stuff. I finally had to leave the WT org and I was beginning to be interrogated constantly about things that were not even problems in my life--the elders were trying to create some though. I honestly think in the congo I was in it stemmed from pure boredom. The only excitement the elders had was to pick on someone. The WT routine is so dull and boring I think the only way to keep the blood moving was to stir up a bit of trouble for someone. I got out of there just in time before I was almost pushed into having a complete breakdown. Don't let them push you. You have to think of your family--they need you more than anyone.

    take care,


  • Gary1914

    How do you change congregations? We are presently attending the congregation that is within the territory we live in. What excuse can I give for making the change? The nearest other congregation from my home is a lot farther away than the one I am attending now. Do I inform the other elders that I am leaving or do I just start attending the new congregation?

  • YoursChelbie

    Are you saying in that KH only one Congregation meets? If others meet ther also, you could say that the hours that the other cong. meets are more practical for you and your family. Or, if you want to go to another hall altogether just start out by going there as frequently --or infrequently as you like. After you have made it very clear you will NOT be doing elder duties at the old hall, they can't say they "need" you.

    The first group of elders will likely try to control your actions and say that "the society" wants all publishers to go to nearest/assigned/designated Kingdom Hall. I know they were doing that to some in my former hall. This is just another way they want to control you. If they become so stubborn so as to order you to precisely which hall to go to, you'll have to make a decision obey them or fade out--- unless you do something more drastic like re-locate the entire family to another neighborhood altogether.


  • Gary1914

    You're right YC. There are three congregations that meet at the Hall.

    I was thinking that I had to go to another Hall altogether, not just change congregations.

    I have a lot of thinking to do.

  • PopeOfEruke

    I think that by attending a congregation you are not assigned to, you are NOT eligible for privilges (elder etc). Is that still valid?

    If so, Gary, it kills 2 birds with 1 stone.


  • Scully
    I was thinking that I had to go to another Hall altogether, not just change congregations.

    Sometimes moving house makes it easier to fly under the radar when you want to "fade". It worked beautifully for us. Go just long enough to get your records transferred (or maybe take charge of delivering/destroying them yourself), and then just stop going all together.

  • Aude_Sapere

    Perhaps consider staying home for the next meeting or two. Go to bed early (or sleep in). Get some rest. Go for a walk - a long walk.

    Definitely step aside for health reasons. Emotional health is as important as physical health. Being on medication is nothing to be ashamed of. (I was embarrassed, too, when I first started.) Don't be ashamed but also look to find what the cause of your depression is. Overwork could be one. Excess guilt could be a huge one. Feeling that you are earning 'conditional acceptance' may be another.

    While in the org - towards the end of my pioneering days - I was starting to have suicidal ideations. I lived with that for about a year or two before seeking help. I was working full time to support myself and regular pioneering. I got to the point that I was crying alot. And either sleeping alot or not at all.

    Once I started posting on JWD and started living my life the way I needed/wanted to live it and resolved my lingering WTS-induced guilt (from 'New Things Learned' on JWD and Freeminds!) I found I no longer needed medication.

    Your mental and emotional health is critical to your overall health. Clearly, it will also affect your marriage, your childrens' emotional development and your parenting abilities.

    I don't serve Jehovah, I serve the elders and the brothers and sisters at the Hall. They are the ones whose approval I covet.

    I thought this was your most profound comment. With this statement alone, you know what you have to do.

    Cruzanheart's response was oh so true! Covet the approval of your children and your wife. Without that, the other stuff is just a huge waste of time and effort.

    The elders seem to be playing you - at every turn. It would be appropriate if you were angry with them for trivializing your responsibility to your family. The next time they or you want to meet, make it short. Say what you need to say and be out of there in 3-4 minutes. Excuse your self to get to your kids and then take off with one or all of them. (Maybe plan it ahead of time. Give your wife or the 5-yr-old a specific time when you will be there and honor that committment. If you want your children to respect you (and your requests to sit still-!!), honor your commitments to them. 3 minute elders meeting and leave.)

    Think. Pray (if you still do). Take a good long walk. Sleep. Go play with the kids this weekend. I believe that the 'play time' will be more important and life-affirming than anything you may miss in service and meetings this weekend.

    I wish you peace of mind and heart.

    -Aude Sapere (Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)

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