Fleur

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Topics Started by Fleur

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  39

  I lost her.

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my beautiful, sweet, loving, kind grandmother passed away today.one of the only three people in my life who ever loved me unconditionally.

  at the end they tell me she was not struggling, but for weeks before that, she did.

  she suffered, horribly.

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  29

  Happy Freaking mother's day to me...when your mom is crazy as a loon.

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  those who have known me for any length of time through these forums know that my mom is, at best, unique, and at worse, totally freaking nuts.

  i went to see her yesterday, specifically.

  i didn't want to, i am honest enough to admit that.

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  28

  "You are the connection to evil." (or, my JW sisters and me)

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  why is it that i have known for so long what to expect of my jw relatives, and they continue to exceed my expectations for crazy-making behavior, yet still sometimes, i am blindsided by a comment so out of left field, so removed from the way that i see my world and the way that i live my life (or try to)...why does it still hurt?.

  i have posted before about my sisters.

  the oldest is a pioneer and elder's wife.

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  27

  Please help me; Do you believe in an afterlife? If so, why, if not...

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ...how do you cope when someone dear to you dies?.

  i have felt this sense of total panic over me since my grandmother's passing earlier this week, because i don't know where she is or what is happening to her, if anything.

  part of me clings to the jw indoctrination that she is just asleep, but i don't believe in the resurrection to life on earth anymore so that leaves me cold and empty.

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  24

  Already it starts.

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my grandmother hasn't even been put to rest yet and already, my mother starts with "you know that grandma's greatest wish was for you to get reinstated.".

  then, one of my siblings tells me that another of my siblings not only said she wouldn't come to grandma's memorial if i went but also that sibling who called me should not still be talking to me; even though i called her to tell her that grandma died.. i am facing the fact that my family may not even give me details of the memorial directly because they won't want me to go.

  i don't know if i want to go to another funeral that is really just a commercial for the wts instead of talking about the person who is gone at all.

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  24

  An Esmerelda by any other name would still be just as screwed up.

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've lost old hotmail accounts and the old account info that went with them.

  but it is me, es, essie, esmerel/alda, in addition to anything else obscene i may be known by in these parts.. i just pounded this out in pure frustration.

  i'm probably going to get heckled for posting it but what the hell, there isn't anywhere else i can go where people will get this, and i can't keep it inside, it has got to go somewhere before my brain explodes.. so here it is.why did i go to that restaurant today?

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  23

  I finally said enough is enough (shunning)

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i did what i was asked.

  all these weeks, i did all my mother asked when it came to dealing with the matters at hand for her.

  i'm nothing, if not loyal.. so over the weekend, when mother called for us to please come and deal with my relatives coming to the house to pick up boxes of my grandmother's belongings.

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  23

  "You'll still be handled as a disfellowshipped person."

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  that was the response that i got from a relative when i asked if they would shun me if i came to my grandmother's memorial service.. the same relative thinks that i should go, despite that because it's a public event but that if i did i should realize that i'd still be handled as a df'd person.

  meaning, they would all shun me.. i have for days been trying to help this relative arrange my grandmother's burial with another relative who has refused to sign necessary papers.

  i even offered to pay for said burial out of my own pocket if money were an issue.

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  20

  All that you can't leave behind

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  that was the title of a fabulous u2 cd, but i borrow it here to ask you all, old friends, a question.. first, apologies for being absent for so long.

  "real life" projects have cut into my online time, been so busy i haven't had time to turn around twice.

  but you are in my thoughts, daily.. my question for pondering...how do you know what to keep and what to throw away?.

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  19

  A "Sobering" idea for New Years: to benefit Asian Tsunami Victims/Survivors

  by Fleur in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just had a rare moment of clarity and i wanted to share this idea with you all.

  i plan to pass it along to everyone i know, hoping that it might, just might, catch on.

  i am proposing a totally painless way for people to reach into their hearts, and wallets, to help those so desperate for aid following this weekend's tragedy in asia.

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