the hard part is separating in my mind what I Am with what I feel I Was. I know it's all one, there is no duality there. But it's a lesson that I'm having a hard time unlearning...maybe I'm fighting it too much.
Funny, how so often the solution to a problem we already know, as you appear to here, dear.
As Mark said, Love is about giving the universe our attention. It's simply about being gently present in this moment with what is. Stop fighting, be kind and gentle, and let it unfold.
The "fighting" only happens in the mind. There is no need to intellectualize or attempt to "separate in my mind what I am with what I feel I was". All that is happening here is that the mind is trying to get a grip on it all. It ain't going to happen. The mind will never encompass your true-ness and vastness.
Often times we mistakenly identify tension in the body or emotions as something wrong . When you are actively on the path of discovering your true being, as you are, these tensions are not a problem, but rather a reminder, a wakeup call, that you are giving attention to unnecessary thoughts. Shift attention back to feeling your breathing, and being gently present in the moment. If the tensions remain, then meet with them and comfort them as you would a hurting child. Go deeper into them with silent and nonjudgmental attention.
It is your attention, your open and accepting conscious-presence that is the healing elixir here.
Nothing really to learn. It's about being present is all. The universe thrives on your attention.
I have found that being present is often like taking a step back from the mind that there is seen a bigger picture, a wholeness, rather than just a fragment or piece. Join this dance. Keep taking a gentle step back. Let it all unfold. Surrender. There is no "me" in charge here. There is an infinite Presence at play.
j