"You'll still be handled as a disfellowshipped person."

by Fleur 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    ((((( Essie )))))

    I'm so sorry for your pain and grief, and the compound effects of family rifts and JW shunning.

    It's times like these when I think I'd like to go to a function like this with a hidden camera so the whole world will be able to see the fcked up version of Love? that JWs display. Better still, have the hidden camera for the first half of the Memorial Service?, and then bring in a Worldly? TV reporter for the second half, so the Jekyll and Hyde personalities of JWs get exposed for all to see.

    Love and Hugs, Scully

  • Jez

    Would it be advisable for a true Christian to attend a funeral or a wedding in a church?

    Our taking part in any form of false religion is displeasing to Jehovah and must be avoided. (2 Corinthians 6:14-17; Revelation 18:4) A church funeral is a religious service that likely involves a sermon advocating such unscriptural ideas as the immortality of the soul and a heavenly reward for all good people. It may also include such practices as making the sign of the cross and joining in prayer with the priest or minister. Prayers and other religious exercises contrary to Bible teaching may also be a part of a religious wedding ceremony held in a church or elsewhere. Being in a group where everyone else is engaging in a false religious act, a Christian may find it difficult to resist the pressure to join in. How unwise to expose oneself to such pressure!

    What if a Christian feels obligated to attend a funeral or a wedding held in a church? An unbelieving husband, for example, may urge his Christian wife to be with him on such an occasion. Could she join him as a quiet observer? Out of regard for her husband?s wishes, the wife may decide to go with him, being determined not to share in any religious ceremonies. On the other hand, she may decide not to go, reasoning that the emotional pressure of the circumstances could prove to be too much for her, perhaps causing her to compromise godly principles. The decision would be hers to make. She definitely would want to be settled in her heart, having a clean conscience.?1 Timothy 1:19.

    WHAT kind of crap is that? First they say, it MUST be avoided and then they turn around and say that a wife must obey her husband, even before God. So they are saying that the laws of the bible do not apply to women. Her first responsibility is to make sure she does not piss her husband off. AHHHHHHHH...I hate this kind of crap they write.

    Anyways, I agree with many of the posters here. Go. For you and for her. If you believe at all in an afterlife, or that your Grandmother is somewhere watching, she will see and will now know the real truth. I would think, if I was her, that I would want to look down and see the one person in my life that showed devotion and love to me even when it was blocked at every turn. I think she would not want to you to back down now. I think it was a great idea to take a support group with you. If I was closer, I would hold your hand and go with you.

    Lots of hugs sent your way, Jez

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl


    I am so sorry to read of your family's un-Christ like behavior. They all deserve a nasty spanking! I think you should go and say one last goodbye to Grandmother, and hold your head up high. Ignore them, smile, and stare straight ahead. You could always also wear a black hat with a veil so you don't have to make eye contact with them, or let them see how upset you are about their disgusting and vile behavior.

    "... having no natural affection..." Remember that scripture? I've always found it to be a startling description of their own actions, yet one which they claim to be a characteristic of those worldly people living at the time of the end. Pfffft!

    Country Girl

  • Jankyn

    Dear Essie,

    I don't know what to tell you about going to the service. It may cause more pain than it's worth.

    I decided not to attend the funeral of my favorite aunt last spring. I sent flowers so that the family would know I was not ignoring it. Then, later, I went to her grave with some candles and my partner, shared some memories (my partner had never met her), and wished her well on her journey. It worked for me. I still see her in dreams, and I know that she's no longer bound by the human prejudices and ignorance that her religious beliefs crippled her with.

    I'm in a place now where I'm trying to avoid unnecessarily putting myself in a position to be hurt any further. I guess I just need to stop assisting them in their abuse of me. I tried setting boundaries (with the help of my therapist), but boundaries only work if the other parties respect them. My JW relatives don't respect them--they simply cannot restrain themselves from saying hurtful things, even after I've told them to stop. So I stay away. They attribute my absence to shame; they're wrong. What else is new? They're wrong about so much, I don't even know where to start!

    You, your husband, and your sweet little girl are in my thoughts as you go through this rough patch on your journey. You are not alone (obviously! look at all these posts!), and you are very loved.


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