Posts by dubstepped

19

Finances

by former2free in

jw
friends

i thank all of you for the warm welcome and having read my bio.

i look forward to many discussions and hopefully in the future to be able to be open about it with my wife and kids.

but for now i have a question.

dubstepped

That's just how they want it. If you want to be tax exempt, you should have to be transparent, in my opinion.

19

Finances

by former2free in

jw
friends

i thank all of you for the warm welcome and having read my bio.

i look forward to many discussions and hopefully in the future to be able to be open about it with my wife and kids.

but for now i have a question.

Everyone would like that answer. You won't find it. You'll find instances where people have found that Watchtower holds investments in businesses like Rand Cam but it's tough to track that stuff down. They aren't transparent about their finances at the higher levels like they expect of the individual congregations. In some countries you can find out a little more, like how much money they took in or whatever, but even then I don't think there are many details.

2

Cool cult Ted talk

by blownaway in

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-u4cq-dgnnw.

dubstepped

Nice share! I really liked her style in her speech, funny and sarcastic but informative and with a great story.

48

Healing & Rebuilding Your Life - Feedback Wanted

by jp1692 in

i have been invited to speak at an international cultic studies association workshop this fall.

i could use your help in focusing on my presentation subject.. these workshops are for former members of any cult or other high-control, authoritarian group, not just jehovah's witnesses.

last year, i spoke at one of their larger conferences in europe.

dubstepped

In looking over the various criteria mentioned in the opening post I think that a person would be helped by doing these things in the following order:

First you have to get healthy mentally/emotionally yourself. If you have no healthy tools you're not going to be able to find yourself, cope with loss, or perhaps even examine the beliefs. I personally think that you can do anything better when you start out from a place of health, or at least stability on some level both mentally and emotionally.

So I'm guessing then I'd have to say #4 would be my start. It was my start. I started by getting into self-help. For others that might be therapy. Whatever, but learning how you work, what issues you may have in your personality, cognition, any disorderd ways of being or thinking, etc. can give you a place to start. I think you have to be able to separate who you are and what you've believed or what's been placed on you apart.

I think that #2 plays well off of #4 in that once you start seeing what is yours you also start to see what isn't yours, like I said what has been placed on you. Those things aren't just difficulties that hurt you after you leave, but you'll also see a lot of them in some of the exploration of yourself in the previous step.

I'm not sure that I fully understand #3, but it makes sense that it might fit here. I'm worn out and tired from a long week so maybe something just isn't connecting mentally for me in trying to understand it. The more tired I get, the less able I am to focus and read with my own ADHD issues. Since I don't necessarily grasp it wholly, I won't expound on it, but it also may not be a place to linger and educate, but may be better left out or briefly mentioned. It could take unnecessary time to get into explanations.

Then I'd go to #1 and help the person deal with the grief of their losses, not just family and friends but of faith and the years spent pursuing something that amounted to nothing. I think that people need the foundation from the steps above to really deal well with grief.

After that I'd go to #6 and dealing with the loneliness. Once you've accepted reality in step #1 now you're going to feel lonely. If you're busy in steps 4,2, and 3 at first you may be busy enough not to truly notice how lonely you are. Working on oneself can be beneficial not just to make you a better and stronger person, but to escape from harsh realities until you're more ready for them.

I think #5 comes last. Once you've figured out and understood what you've dealt with in life you can start shedding the things that aren't authentic. Once you get past the grief of your losses you can shed the impact on your identity that those other people had in your life. Now you're free of the past enough to start finding yourself. If you have too much baggage hanging on it's going to be difficult to find yourself. Heck, I'm somewhat at this stage myself today.

So, I'd go 4, 2, 3, 1, 6, 5. My concentration would be on 4 and 2 (and maybe 3?) as I think they're the most important, and that they will naturally lead into some of these other things with that better and more healthy foundation.

I speak of my own experience. I got healthy first while still in the cult. It took me some time but it was a fascinating process and very consuming. Once I was healthy and acted more healthy the cult started distancing themselves from me as much as I was them. Then I left, took time to deconstruct beliefs, realized where I was in life and accepted it, and now I'm finding myself without the baggage of the past weighing me down as much. It does still impact me, nobody gets away unscathed, we all have scars, but it's easier to maneuver without that extra weight.

Oops, forgot to say how long I've been out. My third Shunniversary is coming up on September 2. We disassociated almost three years ago. It took several years before that to wake up and get healthy enough to take stands and get out.

15

How the Borg could increase meeting attendance numbers

by Sour Grapes in

i think that the 8 popes should allow the jdubs to count time driving to the meetings or even count their time being at the meetings.

those who just listen over the phone can't count their time.. it would be a much better religious cult if the 8 self-licking ice cream popes would let their followers count their time for helping the elderly in the kingdumb haul with stopping by to have coffee, shopping, cleaning, cutting grass, etc.

let them count time by visiting the friends in nursing homes, maybe even allow double the hours for the nursing home visits.. this probably ain't going to happen because the cart work is easier..

dubstepped

They've always been good at creative math. As a kid I always found it ridiculous that they'd lay claim to having 5 meetings per week. Did we somehow leave on Thursday and Sunday and reconvene? They couldn't even count right. Everything was spun to be more than what it was. It was 3 meetings. Why not count meetings for field service or elders meetings or...... Just arbitrary weirdness.

Anyway, I always thought that we should get to count our time, at least on the way to the meeting for field service, getting ready, etc. It was part of it. Nothing like a family spending an hour or two getting ready for a meeting or service of an hour or two.

We were to be on our best JW behavior at all times as a witness to anyone watching, so all time should count.

Elders counted time for public talks, so everyone should count time for comments and talks down to the second, lol.

It's all so stupid, no?

New Episode of Shunned - Kacey - Divided family, sexual abuse, drug abuse, & turning life around.

by dubstepped in

kacey grew up as one of jehovah’s witnesses in the same kingdom hall as i did, so this episode is personal for me too.

in this episode you’re going to hear what it can be like to grow up in a “divided household”, what it feels like to never fit in with the one community that you’re supposed to have in life, and how childhood sexual abuse can create a perfect storm that results in so much damage to a person.

you’ll also hear how a person can rise above the damage and find happiness in life.. you can download the shunned podcast on itunes (apple podcasts), google play, or your podcast app of choice (i use podcast republic).

dubstepped

Kacey grew up as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses in the same Kingdom Hall as I did, so this episode is personal for me too. In this episode you’re going to hear what it can be like to grow up in a “divided household”, what it feels like to never fit in with the one community that you’re supposed to have in life, and how childhood sexual abuse can create a perfect storm that results in so much damage to a person. You’ll also hear how a person can rise above the damage and find happiness in life.

You can download the Shunned podcast on iTunes (Apple Podcasts), Google Play, or your podcast app of choice (I use Podcast Republic). You can also stream from my site at shunnedpodcast.com and find episodes on Youtube on my channel called shunnedpodcast.

I know most of my friends here that listen probably subscribe, but you never know who might find this interesting.

27

Contradictions!

by Freedom rocks in

quite regularly at meetings jws mocked worldly people and apostates(anyone who had left the "truth") for saying the bible contradicts itself when it is in complete harmony from beginning to end apparently.

can anyone point out some of the contradictions they know of?

they used to laugh at the fact people on the doors would say the bible contradicts itself and when they asked the householder to show them where, they couldn't..

dubstepped

Check out The Bible Says What podcast. Dude calls up pastors and crushes them with their own book. It's a fun listen.

34

Loose Conduct

by Hangin_on in

my friend has been married 25 years.

he works with another jw.

they kissed and he touched her nipples but did not have sex with her.

dubstepped

Hangin_on - Yeah I told all of them to S my D years ago #Faded

I just can't resist pointing out that fading is pretty much the exact opposite of telling someone where to go and what to do. It's slipping out the back door and hoping nobody notices. That's cool and all and people have their reasons and good for them, just usually not quite putting the org in their place or telling anyone anything.

I also agree with Steve that the whole situation is weird and the focus seems to be on getting this guy off (pun intended). It seems like there are larger problems here.

10

JW joke from social media

by neat blue dog in

saw this posted today:.

.

dubstepped

@caves - That's what I always called the "courtesy laughter". It drove me nuts as a JW. Everything that moron said was gospel, every joke was hilarious, etc. We played softball once and this one CO wanted to play too. Nobody had gotten him out until he hit the ball to me. I get that it's a game where you're literally lobbing softballs to someone, but I couldn't stand the deference given to them. All off the brothers wore their best suits, sisters their best dresses, it was like Easter every 6 months.

25

Am I being unreasonable with my pimo boyfriend?

by Addison0998 in

i was very lucky to have be dating somebody who didn’t run and snitch on me when i started having questions and showing him research i did, instead he listened to me, and after a few arguements, he did wake up as well.

it really didn’t take much to wake him up, and he was more just tired of the crazy witnesses in general.

and now we are planning on getting married and fading together so that our families can at least enjoy our wedding, that special time in life, before we possibly loose them one day.

dubstepped

Lesson 101 in leaving a cult - you can't expect others to think and feel like you.

My leaving the cult was very difficult. It was very hard fought as I was super brainwashed and came from a very rigid JW family.

Although I was the one to question, to take risks in bringing up the subject to wake my wife up, she was initially resistant. However, once she did finally engage me in conversation she was just like "okay, let's move on, I'm done with it all". In a moment she was just done and ready to disassociate and move on.

You mention that your boyfriend's family isn't super rigid. Yours is. Mine was too. My wife's wasn't.

The cult meant different things to different people. For some it was their entire identity, for others they never really bought in.

I get your frustration. I did all of the research, put my neck out, fought all the battles, and my wife was just like "oh well" and was so casual about it. It sucks not to have someone in there fighting with you in such a battle. But that battle is yours, and he has his own. His is apparently easier. It's okay to let that be.

Now, you do need to make sure you're marrying someone that will get in a battle by your side. Unfortunately it was a long haul for my wife and I and I never had that. I had an anchor that resisted everything and it wasn't healthy for me to drag someone along in life. My wife would now say the same. It's been 18 years and only in the last year since waking up has she woken up as an individual.

A relationship is only as strong as the sum of two individuals. We weren't two individuals. Our relationship was messed up. Reading about things like codependence and boundaries helped. Me telling my wife that she needed to get a therapist and that I was done being her therapist after 17 or 18 years was a turning point because I couldn't be so enmeshed anymore and it wasn't my place to "save" her or bring her up like a child.

Be sure to look at this guy honestly. Can he manage in his own? Does everything come down on his reliance on you? Is he supportive, or does he fight against you at best? Seriously look at things. Our dysfunctional beginnings in the cult caused a Lot of anguish for a long time. You're young, unattached, and going through a big change. Make sure you've got the right person to explore life with. If not, it's a tough road. I had my issues too. I was too controlling and thought we had to feel and think the same. That's not healthy either.

If you're going to get married, I highly encourage you two to seek out good prep marriage counseling together to help make sure of what you're getting into. Even something dysfunctional can get healthy, and it's not like marriages outside the cult have no issues, but we grew up in special kinds of dysfunction.