@caves - That's what I always called the "courtesy laughter". It drove me nuts as a JW. Everything that moron said was gospel, every joke was hilarious, etc. We played softball once and this one CO wanted to play too. Nobody had gotten him out until he hit the ball to me. I get that it's a game where you're literally lobbing softballs to someone, but I couldn't stand the deference given to them. All off the brothers wore their best suits, sisters their best dresses, it was like Easter every 6 months.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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25
Am I being unreasonable with my pimo boyfriend?
by Addison0998 ini was very lucky to have be dating somebody who didn’t run and snitch on me when i started having questions and showing him research i did, instead he listened to me, and after a few arguements, he did wake up as well.
it really didn’t take much to wake him up, and he was more just tired of the crazy witnesses in general.
and now we are planning on getting married and fading together so that our families can at least enjoy our wedding, that special time in life, before we possibly loose them one day.
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dubstepped
Lesson 101 in leaving a cult - you can't expect others to think and feel like you.
My leaving the cult was very difficult. It was very hard fought as I was super brainwashed and came from a very rigid JW family.
Although I was the one to question, to take risks in bringing up the subject to wake my wife up, she was initially resistant. However, once she did finally engage me in conversation she was just like "okay, let's move on, I'm done with it all". In a moment she was just done and ready to disassociate and move on.
You mention that your boyfriend's family isn't super rigid. Yours is. Mine was too. My wife's wasn't.
The cult meant different things to different people. For some it was their entire identity, for others they never really bought in.
I get your frustration. I did all of the research, put my neck out, fought all the battles, and my wife was just like "oh well" and was so casual about it. It sucks not to have someone in there fighting with you in such a battle. But that battle is yours, and he has his own. His is apparently easier. It's okay to let that be.
Now, you do need to make sure you're marrying someone that will get in a battle by your side. Unfortunately it was a long haul for my wife and I and I never had that. I had an anchor that resisted everything and it wasn't healthy for me to drag someone along in life. My wife would now say the same. It's been 18 years and only in the last year since waking up has she woken up as an individual.
A relationship is only as strong as the sum of two individuals. We weren't two individuals. Our relationship was messed up. Reading about things like codependence and boundaries helped. Me telling my wife that she needed to get a therapist and that I was done being her therapist after 17 or 18 years was a turning point because I couldn't be so enmeshed anymore and it wasn't my place to "save" her or bring her up like a child.
Be sure to look at this guy honestly. Can he manage in his own? Does everything come down on his reliance on you? Is he supportive, or does he fight against you at best? Seriously look at things. Our dysfunctional beginnings in the cult caused a Lot of anguish for a long time. You're young, unattached, and going through a big change. Make sure you've got the right person to explore life with. If not, it's a tough road. I had my issues too. I was too controlling and thought we had to feel and think the same. That's not healthy either.
If you're going to get married, I highly encourage you two to seek out good prep marriage counseling together to help make sure of what you're getting into. Even something dysfunctional can get healthy, and it's not like marriages outside the cult have no issues, but we grew up in special kinds of dysfunction.
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Great news!
by Half banana init's a case of two down and one to go.
my darling daughter has announced to the extended family that she has left jehovah's witnesses!
deep joy!.
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dubstepped
#bestlifeever
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Apostate - what does the word mean to you?
by Tallon inover a period of time i got to thinking - what does the word 'apostate' mean to me.
having given it some thought, this is my view;.
the org has given the word its own definition and basically use it to demonise people and consider them pariahs.. however, the jw meaning of 'apostate' is a mere word and only has power if recognised as such.
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dubstepped
I just see it as "a person that scares the crap out of Jehovah's Witnesses", and I'm happy to be one.
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I don't get why some point to the no tolerance for gays and subjugation of women as a JW thing.
by blownaway insome churches have taken the step to allow gays, women instructing men ect.
but its not a jw thing.
its a bible thing.
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dubstepped
Former JWs tend to speak about things that were relevant to the JWs. JWs don't tolerate gays and subjugate women. Although the Bible may be the root cause, often ex-JWs are talking about things that went on in the JWs. It's not necessary to always get to the root in a discussion about a particular thing. Clearly the Bible states both things pretty clearly, but people pointing to a thing in the JWs isn't the same as saying that it originated with or is only a matter of the JWs. Additionally, sometimes people go through all kinds of apologetics to get around what the Bible says on those subjects to as to keep their faith in the book. -
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Explain why you are happy if you believe there is no afterlife vs when you joined JW's
by Bad_Wolf inone thing that has intrigued me are so many who have left, who are wholly convinced everything in existence is merely by chance now, also claim they wouldn't want to live forever, and perfectly fine if this is the only life.
now, i would understand that if you were raised into the religion.
i was raised into it.
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dubstepped
If god didn't design animals to be carnivorous then why are they?
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New Store called Best Life Gifts
by Franklin30 ini noticed a recent post where it was suggested the store was taken over by hostile means!.
the person who posted it pretended to have knowledge of why the store changed names but clearly was operating with an agenda!
one filled with lies, misinformation and deceit!.
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dubstepped
That's extortion. And that's a typical JW business deal. Saw things like that myself, got fired in the process of one brother stealing another brother's cleaning business. JWs are the most crooked businesses. My sister worked for less than minimum wage for one sister. They just take advantage of each other in a race to the bottom.
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Pregnant JW has "come to Jesus" moment
by Lee Elder ina pregnant jehovah's witness rethinks watchtower's transfusion policy .
after one simple question from her hematologist.
read her story in this .
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dubstepped
I'm glad she woke up but wonder if she's still a JW. I mean, she still went through with the JW teachings with her own childbirth and it's easy to see afterward what the realities are. I wonder what would really happen if she was pregnant again. Would she take a stand? Has she taken a stand against the cult that could have cost her life or her baby? I liked that her eyes were open but the end of it left me feeling some type of way.
Sounds more like she had a "come to Jehovah" moment and it only strengthened her in some way. Is she just a JW that disagrees with this one thing or an independent Christian or what?
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Watchtower Victims Memorial Day
by dubstepped inanybody here doing anything for it?
i just learned of it's existence and its a cool idea.
apparently it's today.
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dubstepped
We're survivors from our perspective, but ultimately we were victimized by the cult and that's what we survived. Since the message is one given publicly it's probably more from the victim standpoint to highlight what they do to people more than how we've moved on hopefully to better things. I think that's why it's named so, but I get where you're coming from as one such survivor.
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Direction to elders on handling rape
by purrpurr infrom the shepard the flock book.
"discernment is needed in considering claims.
of rape, taking into consideration such factors as the.
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dubstepped
I do know of a sister that claimed rape and wasn't raped. She was young and got pregnant, then cried rape. The elders told basically all of the family heads what was up so that nobody was stumbled or wondered what was up when she started showing. I was a ministerial servant then, I think.
Anyway, turns out she had been dating a Mexican guy on the down low, and her claims of being raped by a Mexican man ended up with her married to the guy down the line, trying to help him get legal, working with my mom cleaning houses, my sister baby sat for her, etc. She and her husband seem to have a good marriage. I mention the fact that he's a Mexican because in the area I lived then there was a paranoia about these Mexicans that didn't speak English and were kind of mysterious to the good ol boys. So there was a bit of a built in narrative already.
You can see why someone might claim rape in such a situation. So much is at stake, and being pregnant she probably just went that route not knowing where the relationship was going but knowing that she'd lose all relationships if she was disfellowshipped while pregnant. She did end up disfellowshipped. I do believe it was for the duration of her pregnancy and beyond. It was quite the scandal.
Ultimately those men shouldn't be handling cases of criminal activity like rape anyway, but you can't just take claims of rape at face value, which is why there are professionals trained in that way (to actually help legit victims, which elders don't do anyway, and to investigate whether or not there's enough to bring charges on such a matter). Unfortunately such claims are made falsely at times and innocent people's lives are ruined. It's way beyond the pay grade of an elder.