relationship with jw's (page 9)

Shawn

Clay, I know where you are soming from. The people on this board are trying to help you. Some of them are jaded(you know who you are) and some are willing to be real with you and tell you how it is. IF you love this woman than be her friend. Do not try and convince her of the WTS's errors. It cannot be done unless she does it her self. Share what you believe in the most unobtrusive ways possible.

The single most important thing is to be her friend. Nothing more. I am in a way still where you are but I have stood by my belief in God and my desire above all else to be a friend to the one I love. She has come to me on multiple occasions when she had no one else to go to. Because of my friendship with her we went and saw Kingdom of Heaven together. It was an awesome chance to plant seeds in her. Try taking your friend to see that movie. Study on the Freemasons and Mormons. Study the WTS's history and make some comments without being critical. See how she reacts and if she is willing research it together.

No one person here can help you. No person can truly help you. All we can do is speak from experiance and offer advice. If this woman is the one then do not listen to the negative/jaded people here. They are trying to help in their own way. If she is not the one but you still want her as a friend then know that it could take years of being her friend before she realizes that you are there for her no matter what when others are not.

I could say more but, well.....I feel myself slipping back into how I was a few weeks ago and it is not good for me right now.

I will be updating my story shortly. The next week or so could spell big changes is what is going on. Keep the prayers up everyone. And Clay, you and your friend will be in my prayers tonight. I know where you are and not to be negative but it only gets worse before it gets better. Read all that you can. Online and Off. Knowledge and Truth are two things that unfortunatly JWs do not have.

Shawn

Clay,

AFIN is a wise one. Listen closely. If there is love then do what your heart tells you. If there is no love than you owe it to both of you to move on and be friends only. Love and God are the only things that will make this even a possibility.

clay

thanks shawn i will be praying for you and your friend also.

Check_Your_Premises

Good. I was hoping you guys would hook up.

Clay, listen to this guy. Like I said earlier, he is you a few months ago.

Shawn, glad to see you took a break from this place. It was tough watching you spin yourself into a frenzy. It sounds like you have a much better stock of your situation. I hope things are coming along well. It sounds like she is still speaking to you! That is good, I was afraid you burned some bridges with your early frantic efforts. Don't sweat it, we all start out like that.

CYP

sass_my_frass

I have been thinking about the 'run' advice... and they certainly have their reasons for giving it. In my case, if my man had gotten that advice and taken it, we wouldn't be where we are now. I'm d'f'd and recovering, and I know that it's not going to be easy for us, but one of the reasons I am happy to leave the organisation is that there is somebody to help me through that.

One of the things I hated about being a witness was the gender imbalance; there are more women than men, so statistically some women will have to choose between staying single or marrying a non-witness. The first time I had the option to marry a non-witness, I got scared and ran back to the org. That was a mistake and this time I know that I'm making the right choice. It's a bit unfair to deny somebody in her/our situation a partner, ever - can't get married as a witness because no brother wants me because I'm a bit 'weak', but can't get together with somebody on the outside because it's too much work for the guy to deal with all this stuff. If somebody told my guy now, 'run', and it scared him off, I'd feel ripped off.

We have the confidence in us to trust our choice; she might not have that in your relationship. It's a lot to ask of somebody so young. I can agree with the people advising that you are too young to be going through this, but yes it is your choice. It is good that you are opening yourself to learn things though. But a shame that your best years are going to be swallowed by this.

Best to you both

troubledteen

Get Out! its not worth it...please i have been with a witness for 11months and i am so messed up in my head, i have no intention on being a witness but there is no way they will accept you as a partner as much as they like you! i no for a fact its not worth the heartache...you never know what you would be willing to give up when your in love...i know the amount of times i thought about it!

its all mind games...her religeon comes 1st and it always will be..how could you cope with her knowing that there was a part of her life you could never be a part of..it would be like living a half life.

Just think if its worth the sacrifices you would HAVE to make!

Thanks

Shawn

In response to troubledteen, we can all hope that we find someone that is worth the "trouble" of loving. It is not an easy thing to do. I know. It is a struggle everyday. It makes you question what you believe and who you are. The key is two-fold, knowing that you are doing what you must for someone you love and knowing that God wants what you want for this person.

JWs are good people. They love God(for the most part). The only thing wrong is they are being misdirected. Their energy is being channeled the wrong way. Patience and knowing that they ultimatly want what any Christian wants are what needs to be remembered.

I am back CYP. Wiser by far and sadly still I have no answers. I do know that I learned a lot from this board and people I have met. You guys reigned me in when I was going the wrong way and pointed me where I needed to go to find answers. I am happy to say that my friend and I are still friends. I am going to post an update to our story now so that hopefully it can be an inspiration of sorts to people who are going through the same things.

BT Humble

were not dating , just talking. but i would love to get her to leave her society. my dad is a evangelist and he is backing me 100% on trying to get her to leave. i know the road will be rough but i want to atleast try. Dear Clay, If you like this girl, why is your first thought "I must change her"? That's not a healthy way to start a relationship, in my opinion. If she wants to leave the organisation, she'll do it when SHE is ready, not when YOU are. You're probably tired of people telling you this, but you're still young. Take some more time to get to know her, then take some time to get to know other girls who are already within your own congregation/church/neighbourhood/city/country/planet, so that you can get some perspective. (Note that when I say "get to know" I don't necessarily mean "date" or "start a relationship with". It's perfectly possible for men and women to be friends, even if most Western societies don't seem to believe it). You won't get to know how big the world is unless you go and look at it. And remember, just because I'm free to express my opinion doesn't mean that I'm right. BTH (sass_my_frass's guy)

clay

my first thought is not to change her, i came here looking for advice on getting her to leave the "society" and i have been getting to know her as a "friend". i've known her for a very long time,i have not approched her and talked about trying to get her to leave her society. because that would cause her to run away from me and to the JW's. i'm going to take this very slow. and see how it turns out.

georgefoster

i married an inactive jw who swore she would not get re-involved. now she's in so deep. its like being married to an addict who puts her addiction ahead of everything else. and you better believe that if you have kids, she'll be compelled to bring them into it. eventually ALL of her friends will be jws, so if you want to get together with other couples they will have to be jws. if you don't go to the meetings, then the kids will start questioning you a/b why you don't love jehovah. i'm an attorney, and i used every power of persuasion, logic and reason known to man to get her out of it and it only made her faith stronger. Your girlfriend's dad is not a jw in a family of jws and he's an alcoholic. That's one way to cope with it. The other way is to get the hell out.

relationship with jw's

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