Urgent! Need help - I told my parents.

by filip 311 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  AlmostAtheist

  "friend in need"'s post is interesting. There was no attempt to justify JW's doctrines. Nothing was said about the validity of a God belief. No logic at all.

  Instead he appealed to your emotions -- "why listen to strangers instead of your own loving family?" -- and tried to lay on some guilt to coerce you into a study. (If you were trying to determine the answer to a complex question, would you only accept answers from your "loving family" or would you be willing to consider the opinions of "strangers" that had faced a similar problem before?)

  Compare that with the other posters. They also largely encouraged you to accept the study, but with an open mind. We encouraged you to show respect to your parents. But we also provided you with solid reasons for believing the JW's are incorrect in their beliefs. Rather than simple emotional appeals, you've been given *reasoning* to consider on your own.

  This is why JW's fail so often in their attempts to "correct erring ones". They don't have anything to correct with. So if they can't beat you into agreeing, guilt you into agreeing, or love-bomb you into agreeing, they have to write you off and move on.

  Dave
• 

  a friend in need

  Dave,

  You are right ... I did nothing to justify JW doctrines. Since filip lives in a Christian household, if he has a question on doctrine, I'm sure his parents can help him.

  'Would he consider opinions of strangers who've had the same experiences '.... Well, I'm in that catagory too!!!!

  filip is 15 years old. Should he even be on the net? Don't you agree that someone his age should still be monitored by his parents? Seeing what I see here is an eye opener! Children have no right posting here or anywhere else for that matter ... without parental consent.
• 

  Swan

  afin;

  I stand by what I posted. Filip needs to check out JW doctrine, as well as verifying what exJWs here tell him, by independent research. I would encourage Filip to make sure of what he is being told by looking it up in the library. Also, if Filip's parents are behaving in a Christian manner, then going to a teacher or counselor will do no harm. But what he has described here sounds to me like child abuse, and so the authorities have every right to be involved.

  Seeing what I see here is an eye opener! Children have no right posting here or anywhere else for that matter ... without parental consent.

  Children do have the right to post here and to use the Internet. It is no more dangerous than any other thing in life. Dangers exist everywhere, not just the Internet. Like all of us, we need to be cautious, careful, and check everything with our own research.

  I have had my eyes opened as well. Some of the things I saw going on in the Kingdom Halls of Jehovah's Witnesses, beatings, pedophiles, etc. could lead me to say something stupid like "Children have no right going to the Kingdom Hall!" I won't say that, however, because we live in a free and open society. Children should certainly be cautious in the Kingdom Hall, but they still have the right to go there. They should also have the right not to go there if they get to an age where they no longer want to participate.

  Tammy
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  a friend in need

  Tammy,

  You make some good points. However, Filip is still a minor. All well and good to research ... I agree. When I was his age though, (looking back 20/20 and all) I was very easily swayed to take the easy way out. Parents know very little when you are 15 years old. Strange how smart they get as we age too.

  As for a child being on the net .. fine .. as long as they have parental supervision. If I had a child and found out he was visiting 'grown up' sites like this, I'd soon be in touch with a mod.

  Some things I see going on in KHs isn't perfect either .. but who of is? Likely see worse in other places of worship. As for a child deciding what religious belief he will have .. they can and will decide as soon as they are able to move out and support themselves in every way.

  You can't force anyone to believe anything but parents are responsible to try to do the best they can. If you don't agree with what filip's parents are doing, your discussion should be with them .. not their young child! No way he should be here!!!
• 

  Sunspot

  ** filip is 15 years old. Should he even be on the net? Don't you agree that someone his age should still be monitored by his parents? Seeing what I see here is an eye opener! Children have no right posting here or anywhere else for that matter ... without parental consent.

  afin,

  Somehow you've managed to turn this discussion into "should

  he be on the net", rather than "should he be threatened (at 15) to find another place to live because he isn't behaving like a robot and echoing only JW viewpoints on their teachings"?

  If something is not in your heart---it just is not there! No amount of intimidation will *put* it there, either. If he ends up having to shuffle around to find another home, his parents will lose contact with him (on purpose) but will still be have to care for his "needs" by Law.

  I can understand if a family has had a youngster get involved with drugs, or sneaking girls into his room overnight, or being violent or uncooperative in the household---we all know of teens like this (those vthat are totally disresptectful and out of control)---and trying to deal with them is a nightmare. He is exhibiting NONE of this behavior, but using the mind that he was born with to reason on things that puzzle him.

  Look at it this way----after the bloom of youth has passed, if he still feels as strongly about his choices, *all* will have lost the familial relationship. This is sad for any family-especially when it comes down to a religion that expects its followers to accept whatever they say without question whenever they "revise" it. (And still expect people to believe THEY are the only ones God approves of at any given time or teaching)

  By the same token, IF he decides a few years down the road that he made a mistake and wants to "come back" to the WTS---it isn't a case of making amends with his parents, he then has to receive a punishment from the WTS (over and above the shunning he will be undergoing) by being treated as a Leper within the walls of the KH. It takes on a whole new dynamic. Having to be subjected to the "repentance" period is bad enough (for questioning as the Boreans did and WE are told to do) and one never knows WHEN they "appear" repentant enough...do you see where I'm going with this?

  Either way, the die is cast and family ties are well on their way of being severed and damaged forever.

  Such is the WTS.

  Annie
• 

  Bryan

  Filip,

  Yes, you do seem to be a thinking person.

  a friend in need said:

  Do they have your best interests at heart ...

  I was emotionally and mentally abused by both my Elder father and step-mother. You don't have to have bruises to be abused.

  IF you father has told you to find another home, then he is abusing you. He is threatening to thow you out, is he not? Even if he would never do it, he trying to scare you, intimidate you. It's called emotional abuse. I don't see that as having your best interest at heart.

  Just remember, this is about you. I even told you earlier to do the study. But if your parents are being HONEST, and really want you to study then make up your own mind, then they should alow you to openly study both the pro's and con's of the jws. If they truly plan on letting you decide what you want to do.

  I'm sorry, but at your age you shouldn't be going through this pressure in your family... unless you're doing drugs of course. I hope you have sense not to do that.

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
• 

  Bryan

  a friend in need:

  Some things I see going on in KHs isn't perfect either .. but who of is?

  Wow, what an over used JW line. What congo do you go to,a friend in need?

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
• 

  a friend in need

  Bryan .. I'm sure you have filip's best interest at heart. By the same token .. don't you think his parents do too. Think they've known him a bit longer than anyone else here. Your past history ( abuse by elder father?) doesn't mean he has the same problem. Do you remember being a teenager? Everything is magnified.

  I am sorry for the suffering you had. No one should minimize it. I'm sure there are people out there who've suffered as well, who may have never heard of JWs. Since I was out and now back, I can see that the world has NOTHING to offer. Just want filip to see both sides.

  If after careful study, he still would like out, I'm sure his parents will make the best of it.

  If you think I used an 'over used JW line' guess I could belong to any KH, couldn't I?
• 

  Swan

  afin,

  You seem to so easily sidestep the whole issue of the abuse going on in Filip's family and in the Kingdom Halls. Whether or not Filip should be posting here is not the issue. Filip is posting here and he has asked for help. Encouraging him to do independent research and to inform a school counselor of his home situation is not irresponsible or unreasonable in this case.

  Some things I see going on in KHs isn't perfect either .. but who of is? Likely see worse in other places of worship.

  Actually, I have been in churches since the JWs that are much better in this regard. I knew 4 child molesters in 3 different congregations. All of these people were at the level of Ministerial Servant or Elder. In the churches I have been to since then, children are not beaten during the services, nor are they molested by the pastor. In fact, they seemed to be genuinely appreciated for their thoughts and ideas, even though they may differ from church teaching. And in every church I have been to, if a child in those churches decides at age 15 that they want to go to a different church, they will not face threats and coercion to make them go against their will.

  As far as Filip's parents, I do not know them or how to contact them. If they were to post here, I would gladly tell them the same things as I am telling Filip.

  Tammy
• 

  kls

  Swan as a mother of 4 grown children i could not agree with you more.