Griff, welcome. There are many here like yourself. I hope you get a chance to give yourself a break. This is a great place to hang out. Once again, Welcome!
How Many Have Sought Professional Help???
by codeblue 86 Replies latest members private
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Aude_Sapere
Griff -
Welcome to JWD. I'm pretty new here, too.
CodeBlue-
Yup. I'm back in therapy. And this board helped me see that I really needed more focused attention.
Thanks everyone! Wanna contribute to my expenses???!!!
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Fideliteus
I was raised in "the truth" by irrational redneck parents...a father whom the whole congregation hated, a mother who watched me suffer but just went along out of fear of public reproving or disfellowshipping, and a sister-in-law who was the closest thing to evil I had ever met...all Witnesses, all deeply entrenched in their little Witness world. Nobody looked out for the child, ME! I eventually got MYSELF out of that cultish existence and got married, went to night school, earned a degree (starting my masters program next year!), and got a profession that takes good care of my family. I have kids, a wife, a job and what appears to be a good life. And it IS. But the scars of being raised in that congregation still plague me today and I'm almost 40 years old. I still get depressed, anxious, paranoid, scared, and often feel irrationally humiliated and resort to personal isolation out of fear of reprisal...all of which relate directly to what I was put through as a child. I've been to therapy several times, but 99% of those people are just med's managers...they want to stick you on a SSRI and use you up until your insurance runs out. I just started with a new therapist 2 weeks ago and she seems to be quite empathetic. When I told her my stories of growing up, she was literally shocked and disgusted.
Anyone that grew up like that knows the kind of people I'm talking about...it's like a little evil, secret kingdom...where uneducated losers have the power to rule the lives of others all in the name of the Watchtower and Jehovah...in that order. People, especially children, are terrorized into submission by fear of psychological public stoning and abandonment. You were always excluded at school, couldn't participate in anything. You were always ashamed and embarrassed. You lived in fear of things being "demonized"...from music, to movies, to pictures, to even your own toys (does anyone remember the Smurf scandal???). For those of us that had a bad congregation, if was double torture...because you have nobody in the Kingdom Hall and yet are still unable to associate with those "worldly" people outside...it's a life plagued by loneliness and isolation. Now, consider this as your life year after year after year...during your formative years where you are suppose to be learning about self confidence and social integration with your peers. I believe it's the rare adult that comes through that perfectly normal. I'm successful now, but I will have these psychological scars for the rest of my life. Therapy is a bandaid, and a reasonable one for anyone who feels inclined to pursue it, but it will never rid us completely of our pain. It's something you will have to always struggle to conquer, and you HAVE to keep up that struggle.
As for my own kids? I LOVE them and would never put them through what I went through. They play sports, they participate in anything they want to at school, they play instruments, they have friends of all types and beliefs, and they are safe...they do not have to worry about doing something bad today that will cause them to be destroyed in Armageddon tomorrow... they are happy. Amen.
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codeblue
Welcome Fideliteus
Thank you so much for sharing your life experience....it must have been difficult to post it and as I noticed it was your first post.
Yes, I think when one has been raised in this JW experience it can cause deep wounds. How well you pointed out that as a child you couldn't associate with your peers at school, but then again were "never really accepted" by the congregation. I went thru the same experience as well.
Post traumatic stress disorder seems to be the good description for what some of us have experienced.
Hope to hear from you again!!!
CodeBlue
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wednesday
Post traumatic stress disorder seems to be the good description for what some of us have experienced
Codeblue,
u hit the nail on the head. Most , if not all of us have PTSD to some degree. Some of us require profesional help to get past it.
thanks for starting this thread. I know we have talked about this often, but so many times people are hesitant to share b/c of some idea that they will be considered weak or "crazy". PTSD is neither. We are strong people, we have survived.
weds
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wednesday
in the 80' and 90's there was a man named DR. Leo Buscaglia. He wrote books and lectured. I watched all his lectures on PBS, and i count him and instrumental in helping me first consider leaving JWS. He talks about love, something JWS often do, but his words are real. I have one of his CD's and intend to order more. I wish i had the foresight to tape those lectures, they were so inspiring. I agree, with bikerchic, Bradshaw was a major help too. the URL i gave talks abut his life. He died in 98. his literature and CD can also be found on amazon.com.
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Winston Smith :>D
Codeblue, I wish you the best in you healing process!
I have sought help recently as well, but it was more in relation to current marriage troubles that my JW wife & I are having.
During the session we did talk about my experience with the JW?s. While he felt confident that I had been successfully ?deprogrammed? of the WTS phobias and I am currently a mentally healthy human being, he still felt that it would be beneficial to examine what ?deficiency? I had that I felt the WTS filled . [I joined the WTS on my own accord when I was 12.]
I feel that it would be beneficial to find this ?button? as well. I do not want to be taken advantage of in the future by another group because of the same ?trigger? that was manipulated by the WTS when I was young. While I feel confident that this could never happen, it can?t hurt to get a second opinion just to make sure.
FWIW, he did mention that my participation on an ex-JW DB such as this may have been a significant assistance in my recovery as an ex-member of the WTS cult.
If nothing else, it was nice to get a professional opinion for clean bill of mental health.
IMHO, one thing is for certain. Even if we are healed from our participation in the WatchTower, the scars will always be there. Such a reminder can be a positive thing if we make it a point not to forget what it is like to be part of such a group, and therefore, temper our perspective of other people with our unique JW experience.
IMHO, tolerance and sympathy can be cultivated in a person to a level that would be hard to come by without first experiencing a lifestyle that is so intolerant, judgmental and abusive. This is not to say that such a route is recommended, just that it is a possible end result.
BTW, I agree with Wednesday?s and other?s comments that there should not be a stigma for seeking such assistance. One would not face ridicule for going to a doctor for a broken bone, why should one receive judgment for going to a professional to help heal mental and psychological abuse? People go to a doctor for a yearly check-up, so I see no shame in going for a mental health check-up as well, even if a person feels that they are 100% healthy.
Paul [Winston]
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prophecor
Anyone willing to accept the challenge of seeking couselling may find that there is no weakness associated with seeking therapy. It in fact takes enormous courage and strength to be willing to admit to ones self that they may have a problem.
I've learned to come to terms with my MH issues, as well as having learned from them a lifetimes worth of experience as to just how strong I can be. Most who remember me from my childhood as a little off, now stand back in almost amazement as I have built a life for myself, having gotten married, pursued higher education and getting on with the regular business of life.
I no longer see the world thru those windows of fear as I've learned to not only accept my MH issues, but also to embrace them, for though the experience has been excruciatingly painful, staying in the fight until I found the answers has allowed for a release of freedom not experienced by even the "quote /unqote "normal people,...As if that term truly existed at all...
PhessUP
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bem
Thanks to those of you that understand that the need to seek "mental heath therapy" is a personal process and we should not feel ashamed of that.
((((Prophecor)))) your posts are as always encourageing. Brenda, Sheila M, (((((Codeblue)))) I applaude all of you that have post on this thread and been supportive. (((((Wednesday))))) as you Winston & Dan-o stated .When we seek proffessional help we should not worry about how a few may try to make us feel ashamed or guilty we should be able to seek what we Feel we need. I worry more for folks that do not seek help than for those that utilize everything available to help us feel better.
Our "lights" should not be so easily extinguished by others. If it takes proffessional help for us to find inner strength then so be it.We do impart "energy" to one another. Altho for some it feels like they are trying to suck out our life force.
Welcome to the new ones May this board be as good to you as it has to me.
I personally have suffered many traumas. and the lable needed as a diagnosis is PTSD. I have logged many hours of therapy. Went through several therapist. And learned something from all of them. My "goal" is to be aware of my decisions and actions from now on as being "my own". AND feeling no "Shame".
Dorothy
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Fideliteus
That was pretty ironic about the PTSD posting. I had a therapist a few years ago tell me that I had that, and that my experiences as a child in that environment have caused a "fight or flight" anxiety response in my life. I'm sure many of you know that feeling.
I have another observation that I'd like to share, and I hope that is relevant to your experiences as well. There are two serious weaknesses (or sicknesses) of the JW lifestyle, and they feed off of each other. (1) There is no guarantee of salvation for the JW. Unlike other Christian religions whose followers believe that they will go to heaven if they believe and/or get baptized in their faith, the JWs never have any such security or comfort. We were constantly told that Armegeddon could come at any moment and that nobody knows who will be destroyed and who will remain. For a child, that's just plain abuse. It's horribly frightening to always live in fear of every little mistake you make sealing your doom. (2) JWs spend so much time worrying about "being right" in their interpretation of the Bible and their ministry that they fail to teach people how to enjoy life and be happy. Yes, you have to learn how to be happy, and they think that the smiley pictures in their magazines will trick people into thinking they are this joyous people. They are not, at least not in my experience. I was a JW for about 18 years and I saw only a handful of truly happy people in all of those years. Mostly, I saw burdened, worn out people who were miserably living a life full of guilt and fear...fear of God, their peers (like being publically reproved or disfellowshipped), and even fear of themselves. Grown men and women of all ages were fretting obsessively over their hours out in service...how many Bible studies they had...how many meetings they may have missed, etc. etc. Many led secret lifestyles away from the KH just as a means of trying to cope with the undue stress. The children were even worse off. I can't even recall how many of those kids fell away because of the pressures of living that life...pregnancies, smoking at school, secretly listening to very bad music, watching dirty movies...basically anything to feel normal, even if it meant destructive lashing out. So sad...and then to become an adult and have the massive pressure to become a pioneer instead of getting a career. How many of you remember young adults (or maybe it was even you!) who wanted to go to college and get a career that could provide comfortably for a family (and provide health insurance) but were unable to because of the pressures of the congregation...and were forced to stay uneducated and do manual labor at low salaries and zero health benefits...all because the JWs said college was worldly and Armageddon could come at any time so it was a waste of time anyway?
Am I bitter...well, it's hard to hide that fact when I speak of those years. The WTBS is unapologetic about the people who's lives were ruined by their ridiculous rules and little power houses across the world. I made the mistake about 10 years ago of letting a JW in my house who was out in service. I shared some of the things I have shared on this forum. There was no apology. He said I likely misunderstood my circumstances and that if I didn't get back into the "truth" the blood would be on my hands at Armageddon. He said this in front of my family. I escorted him out and close the book on it forever.